Hello Purdy,
I know that feeling of being alone, litterally alone. I have the same problem. I am 35 years old too. My family is about 13000 km away and I am alone. Your story is identical to mine!! But if it is necessary I will fight all my life until i get it out, have friends, married, house, kids, happiness,... Sometime I am desesperated and I find no way to be happy but is temporary you know why: because we are normal. We all have right to BE happy!!! The only thing is that we are scarred!! YES!! we are scarred of the world!! How can I get friends if all the time I am suscpicious, thinking if the "other" make fun of me and for that I am angry. We are still kids!!! Yes we are intelligent but scarred!! Sometimes I see it so clearly!!! Scared kid can make friends? My problem started at 11 and I understood a essential thing all this time: All who's have had traumas are scarred. Is this evident? And so, until something, someone, god or someelse not convince me that there is no more danger. That its all ok, fear keeps working. I understood other thing, a big thing to me that made a big difference in how i appreciate my problem: the root off every thing you get from this trauma has a root, a unique root. Fear. and fear is a human emtion. I allways prefer name it fear rather ptsd, because i have the right to be scarred man! but it sounds that you have no right to get the monstruous and serious acronym "ptsd". all you can name (ptsd, anxiety, loneliness, unhappiness, depression, anger, guilty, shame, phobia, and go on,...all these "things" that sometimes get us very sick because we imagine these super complex medical words which implies and refers, it seems, to serious issues that implies medication, internation, a person who must take care of oneself, an unfounded idea that we are definitely out! but all this come from fear and since it is not abnormal. would i dont have fear? impossible. we are over millions of years the same, nothing has changed. the human being is equal to its neighbor homosapiens and neanderthals. i am not ashame of it!! i am scarred!! why occult it behind a ton of names?
this is my opinion about fear. its simple. i need something that cnvince me that nomore what happened will to happen. and since, i consider myself normal (very normal) but still scarred after 25 years. and all symptoms i get come freom this fact.
and this point of view put in myself the energy to say that if necessary i will fight all my life until i get victorous. and since i consider myself so normal like every other person but scarred i get peace and think positive about future.
