Hi JC,
Welcome to the forum! By the way, as a linguist, I absolutely LOVE your Avatar. I am glad that you found your way here. Feel free to just read for a while and lurk.
By entering the Forum, you are not entering a competition for who experienced the worst trauma. You are more than welcome here. As it sounds, your memory is still not ready to share your experiences with yourself. There are several who are experiencing or have gone through the same thing. That is part of the protection.
According to my therapist, my memories are all stored in my implicit memory as I can draw or play out the experiences directly and indirectly, but I still cannot put words to the experiences. This can have a number of reasons, e.g. trauma happening in different languages, spoken languages not fitting my visual experiences. I may have words for the different chapter keywords, such as what happened and the dates. My goal for therapy will be to have a coherent story. I have yet to start a diary on the Forum, which I definitely want to do. I also struggle to read the diaries. I have begun one and keep having to stop because it is so connected to me, even though my life approaches the topic from the opposite side.
If you want to start with something easier, take a look at the General Section, especially the Chit Chat section. It's more casual and fun discussions, which can really make you laugh or at least take your mind away from the PTSD symptoms for a bit.
Hoping that you feel more comfortable soon!
