Relationship Help.. Boyfriend With Ptsd (former Army)

[Luz]

I have no not my partner for almost three years. I met him when he just got back and was honorably discharge. He was going to a divorce around the time I met him but when we met we hit it off very well. We were OK in the beginning getting to know each other in just I don't know where you we got very attached and then we started a relationship. But few weeks later he pushed me away telling me he didn't love me and I should leave him alone. I would ask why what did I do wrong, he would just tell me nothing he just didn't want to be with me.

So I gave him his space in about two months later he comes back told me that he misses me and he loves me and he wanted to get back with me and of course I said ok let's try it again, but this time I found out 6 months in our relationship he he he was diagnosed with PTSD. I was kind of upset and kind of thinking what should I do should I keep being with him should I leave him but then I thought that I love him and I was going to support him and be there for him.

You know PTSD is its like an issue that effects a person.. so I decide to go along for the ride.. I love this man. I have dealt with his problems and his insults. My family doesn't agree with my decision but it was isn't there relationship its mine but I don't know what to do. I get so desperate and want to text him and call him but he gets mad he recently left me once again, telling he doesn't love me and I should just walk away.

I don't know if he is serious or just going threw a phase.. please help I don't know what to do. I just need to know what goes on his head. :(

 

[lana<3]

I wish I had answer for you but I dont even have one for myself :/ were going through the same thing

 

[Us Army Wife]

It is a very hard long road and if he does not get help it will escalate and the repercussions can be horrible. I have been married this month for 23yrs and I am not sure if I can do this much longer this disease will cause your partner to do and say awful things mine has escalated to violence. Love has to be a two way street and if he is not willing to seek help you will end up feeling like you have ptsd and feel crazy.

 

[Luz]

It is hard.. I do not want to give up on him, but at the same time the words he tells me when he pushes me away hurt very much. I'm going to try therapy with him. I really want him to be happy and just focus on now and not avout the army!

 

[Dallas]

You have to center yourself and detach yourself from the harmful things he is saying to you. Also you must remove yourself from the situation, whether it is physically, mentally, emotionally, etc until he gets help. Otherwise he will damage you spiritually.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Nicolette]

I just need to know what goes on his head.

Luz sometimes they don't even know so, while I appreciate your need to know, your only choice is to ride it out and work it out or move on before you get too hurt.

 

[Luz]

Its hard .. he just tells me he loves me and is afraid to lose me and one day out of no where he completely tells me he doesn't love me he tried to love me but he doesn't want to be my man.. its my fair for me. I love him and I want to be next to him but sometimes i don't know if is telling me the truth or not.. :cry:

 

[NikkiGAPEACH1970]

Good Afternoon Ladies,
When I came across this post, brought tears to my eyes! I'm experiencing the same thing with a boyfriend in the Army. Think I'm going crazy sometimes and I know its not me. I try my best to be supportive and understanding of his mood swings, his standoffish behavior, the lies..I can go on forever.

Luz I can identify with what you are dealing with. One day he loves me, adores me, a week later he avoids me, ignores me as if I do not exist.

He can't sleep, uses alcohol and tobacco to soothe his mental pain. Currently he is in therapy. His therapist advised him to not get involved in relationships due to his PTSD. As a result his behaviour has effected me. I'm stressed and irritable at times and this is not me. I normally have a sunny disposition but his behaviour is draining me.

I am at a cross road and I have to decide if I should end this relationship. In the meantime, I'm trying to find healthy outlets to deal with this situation. We both live in separate states, so not being in his PTSD environment on a daily basis alleviates some of my distress.

 

[Luz]

NikkiGaPEACH1970 I understand perfectly what you arr going through.. Its soo hard.. I love him so but I''ve lately been stressed out irritable. . I too feel drained.. this relationship has been driving me insane.. :(

 

[nursenurse]

Nikki, PTSD folks don't have to lie. I see that as bad behaviour. Don't sell yourself short. Step on the outside and read what you have written as a bystander. This goes to the other posters going through the same thing. What would you tell your best friend who might be going through what you are? PTSD folks are worthy and deserving of love as we all are, but if your sufferer is pushing you away, lying, being emotionally and possibly physically abusive, is this what you would want for your best friend? Now make that best friend you.

For those who suffer with PTSD and are trying to grasp and heal, I would say support, but it is also their decision as to whom they want and need support from. And sometimes it may not be the ones who love them the most at the time. And sadly for those supporters, the time comes to walk away.

Always in life, no matter who you are in a relationship with, have a Plan B and a Plan C if necessary. It means creating a rich life for yourself outside of your loved one. If you stay together, what a wonderful thing to be able to share. If you drift apart, you will have lost a facet, not the whole shooting match (although it might feel like you have lost everything for the first while).

 

[NikkiGAPEACH1970]

Thanks nurse nurse! You speak the truth!

 

[NikkiGAPEACH1970]

I'm also sad to report that my boyfriend attempted suicide last night-- he is presently under 24 hour care/supervision @ nursenurse it's time for me to reasses this relationship. Your advice is helpful.