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Help I'm An Addict

  • Post starter Post starter Deleted member 37868
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Deleted member 37868

All I can think about is benzodiazepines and ambien. Please don't judge, I love drugs, when I'm high I can go to class, participate, feel comfortable in my own skin, I feel happy, off drugs my grades start slipping, I don't even leave the house, I'm paranoid and miserable. This year has been bad I'm going on drinking benders, on top of everything else. I don't want to go on, not only are my grades slipping, but I don't want even want to go on living. I need help, I know that. Mostly I'm just sad, not depressed but sad do u know? Why why why? Why me why cant I be normal. I od Ed two days ago, I wish I would have just not woken up, the struggle is just to hard. I'm so tired of fighting just to get through another day. This isn't a positive post, but it's just how I feel.
 
Is there wtf do I do? How do you stop taking drugs you love? I'm just so tired of being unable to handle life without a crutch, I'm having such an existential crisis, What is the meaning of any of this, you know?
 
Are you in therapy? detox? rehab? I would recommend some professional help/intervention, it's too difficult to do on your own when you're already in crisis.
 
Call it a crutch, a bad coping skill whatever. It's unhealthy and can lead to some serious shit. I'm not saying that you will, but my daughter was basically an awesome, beautiful person. She couldn't handle stress. First came the drinking. (I drank too, then quit) Then came the pills for her to cope. Soon after we parted ways. Then I started hearing all sorts of shit, and reading things in our local newspaper.

Heroin became her drug of choice. She landed in jail for a week. I tried to help her after that for awhile, but drugs really affect your brain, and thinking, choices, and it has all sorts of negatives that takes almost 2 yrs to reverse once you choose to stop. If at all possible. She lost everything......... EVERYTHING!!!!!

Addiction starts out slowly, but it starts as a CHOICE. You also have the CHOICE to stop. Pretty soon, the benzo's and ambien won't "do it" for you, and you will need to move onto the next bigger and better drug or combo of drugs to achieve the desired effect.

I guess you should ask yourself this...... What am I willing to lose for the sake of getting high??? It really does come down to this. Life is all about choices. Life is also about learning.

Good luck!!!
 
What you want to look into are "dual diagnosis" rehabs.

These are usually found in a hospital or psychiatric hospital, and their specific focus is addiction within mental illness, and usually, mental illness that requires medication. Which gets seriously tricky. As meds are still usually needed either in the short term or long term for their other diagnosis, as well as serious therapy, but the addiction also has to be treated.

The timeframe, as you can imagine, is rarely the 28 day program most rehabs are where people are only dealing with coming off drugs/alcohol. They tend a lot more towards being around the 3month range, and then IOP for several months following, but time frames vary a great deal. Someone who is misdiagnosed & on a screwed up cocktail of meds that should never be given together (or are the wrong meds for the disorder they have) may need to be weaned off, until they're absolutely sober, rediagnosed properly, and then new meds tried. Someone else may only need help with being actively suicidal for a few weeks during med rebound, or psychosis from insomnia, and then is best treated outpatient. So there is a whole lot of variability depending on what the actual dual-diagnosis is, and the patient's individual needs.

Similarly, the training the staff has at dual diagnosis clinics is astronomically better than at a standard rehab. To become a chemical dependency counselor is only a 3-6 month course. That's nowhere near enough to be dealing with anything beyond simply addiction. Which is why dual-diagnosis clinics don't employ chemical dependency counselors. They employ doctors, nurses, and social workers who also have their chemical dependency certification.

Dual Diagnosis. So you can treat both the addiction & PTSD.
 
My brother took ambien and drunk a couple beers and to help him sleep. Once. He woke up driving. He took out two telephone poles and a fence. Needless to say he was arrested for DUI. He's blessed he didn't kill anybody. Don't let that be you.
 
Call it a crutch, a bad coping skill whatever. It's unhealthy and can lead to some serious shit. I'm no...
Wow thank you,
So I'm basically clean for a few days now, I've went to two NA meetings, talked to my doctor, talked to my friends and family and contacted counsellors at school, so I'm taking steps I guess. I feel for you with the situation with your daughter, I see what it does to the people around me especially my mom. I felt very nihilistic when I made that post. So far I feel super out of place at NA, like I'm almost embarrassed to share my struggles, because everyone else's are soooo much worse than mine, I take pills that most people don't even consider dangerous. Idk if that treatment approach is right for me, the times I've gone the people there seem very brainwashed and not in control of their own lives. I hope you and your daughter can have a happy ending, even if it may seem impossible, crazier things have happened. ❤️
 
My brother took ambien and drunk a couple beers and to help him sleep. Once. He woke up driving. He took...
K, I already posted an update, but I'm clean for a few days. It's so interesting that you say that!!!! I drove in my sleep too once, nothing happened but scary af. I took about 20-30 pills at my
Worst a day, so it's a shock that nothing has ever happened to me. The withdrawals are hell and no one takes benzodiazepines serious, everyone just talks about fentanyl at the moment. I also went out for a cigarette in my sleep once, and came to having climbed on top of the harbourview sign 45 minutes from my house, I was wearing pjs. That one was kind of funny minus the drugs cause I walked, but still messed up, very messed up.
 
What you want to look into are "dual diagnosis" rehabs.

These are usually found in a hospital or psychi...
I would really love to go to a treatment facility like this, but since I live in canada omg don't get me started. The only treatment places are Aa and NA based. Maybe this sounds silly, but I've recovered from a severe eating disorder without help, the medical inpatient help I got was a cluster f*ck, and made me sicker if anything, after that I was quite healthy for a while. That said, if I had the money I would fly on down and check myself in. I absolutely agree with you that there are underlying mental health issues, I might be getting a psychiatrist soon who specializes in ptsd, not through a referral, but through connections, because our system is BROKEN.
 
Are you in therapy? detox? rehab? I would recommend some professional help/intervention, it's too...
Thank you everyone for the replies, really. I went to a couple NA meetings, and I told my doctor not to prescribe those pills to me because I have a problem with them. That's my drug connection, I don't have a dealer, so I have to get clean, I've contacted a lot of agencies through school and connections, I hope something will at least be a little helpful.
 
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