Help In Relationship

[eikram]

Recently my new therapist has been telling me to talk about my experiences over and over and over. Basically repeating it so I can get used to it and overcome them. I thought this might be a good idea at first seeing as though I'm pretty young and am very new to all of this. Well, its been a horrible idea. I am being torn apart from the inside out. I am constantly reliving the things I have been through and if its not happening mentally/emotionally, my body is still going through it. The last thing I want to do is sit around and talk about all of these things and since I don't, my mind is always going crazy with it. I can't take it anymore physically, emotionally, or mentally and neither can my boyfriend.

We've been together well over a year and live together. I have never been happier with him and he has even started going to al-anon meetings with me and is extremely supportive. However, due to my extreme emotions and outbursts it is creating some problems and makes it seem like I'm not happy with him and our life together.

I've come to the conclusion I will probably have to check myself into some sort of treatment center to be able to properly deal with some of these things if this continues like it has been. It is getting worse and worse and is pure freaking torture but I know it is affecting him so horribly and that's the last thing I want. I just want to be okay for the both of us. I want him to understand none of this is his fault or has anything to do with him at all even though it may seem like it might because he's the one always with me.

I really would like some help, suggestions, and/or advice in treatment options, relationship advice, resources or things to help him.

ANYTHING would be seriously and greatly appreciated.

 

[Crow]

You need a trained trauma therapist. Usually one of the last things is talking directly about trauma.

I have nothing on tbe relationship side except that a properly trained therapist would not be,continually retraumatizing you and that would probably help you and your boyfriend.

Best of luck.

 

[Mosaic]

I found it impossible to talk about my trauma. The appointment with my therapist where I had to talk in detail about my trauma had to be pushed forward because I wasn't ready and when I do force myself to talk about it I have to detach from my emotions and almost take a third person perspective.
I was told to write it down and, like you, read it over and over and over again.
One reason being because it would force me to attach to my emotions and cry my heart out.

The other reason - and I imagine, the reason you were told to talk about it over and over, is to make it a normality almost. She said that a normal event is just stored away as a memory but a trauma is too big to store so it lives in part of your brain and comes out in dreams, intrusive images, anxiety etc. By thinking about it more and more instead of avoiding it and keeping it where it is, the emotions attached to it lessen slightly over time until it can be stored in your memory (even if it is never fully 'away').

It's like when you're trying to combat anxiety, you're told to keep putting yourself in situations that make you anxious until it gets easier.

Considering your emotions and reactions to talking about your trauma are still so raw, I think you probably aren't ready for this approach just yet. That doesn't mean that you're not improving, but recovering from PTSD is not a quick process and you can't rush into steps you aren't ready to handle.

You are aware that your actions and outbursts are caused by your PTSD and you're clearly overwhelmed already, don't overload yourself at this point, it will do more harm than good.

You will be ok, you can approach this strategy at another time when you're more ready, or maybe you will never be ready, re-living your trauma over and over is a horrible thing to put yourself through. I still can't do what my therapist told me to do without ripping the paper to shreds until its unrecognisable. Be kind to yourself, you're a trauma victim persevering and trying their hardest.

 

[Anarchy]

Sorry that you have been getting this Eikram.

Al Anon is certainly good. You will be well up to speed as far as avoiding co-dependency goes!

And it is good that your boyfriend is so understanding and supportive.

I picked up an old book on counselling for PTSD, cheap.

I'm glad I did because it is so bloody dangerous, it's now safely out of circulation in my book case. It takes a CBT approach, and it describes CBT well. What the authors and editor did not seem to understand though, is just how unsafe (re traumatizing) it is to go straight for trauma memories and triggers. Thinking about a trauma just reinforces the memory and your ability to think about it, when what is needed are the skills to disarm it when it does come a calling.

Another member here was describing a T who asked them to describe their worst trauma. The member promptly dissociated and then used self harm when they got home to ground - absolute FAIL! on the T's part.

Any de sensitization has to come after the skills in the present are addressed and are up to speed.

Any approach to the trauma has to be gently pendulated in and out, keeping yourself rooted firmly in the present and firmly grounded in your body and its sensations, mindful of the body sensations and of what emotions are coming up, without the emotions taking over.