Help! What Is Wrong With Me?

[SuperAnxietyGirl]

I ran into this page while researching my problems and decided that I might find help here.

For the past, maybe six months, I've been having what I call "Confusion spells". Suddenly, inside my head I'll see and hear certain things. They are usually a video game I played years ago (During a bad time in my life) and (when they first started happening) a commercial jingle. They often happened when I was in a shower, but it since then has started happening in other places.

The most I ever had was 2 in one day, today I had three within 24 hours. The effects always linger. At the moment I'm still highly confused and sometimes have flashes of what I saw in my confusion spell. The ones I had today were the same, I suddenly feel very uncomfortable in my body, I see flashes of things, sometimes I'm not even quite sure what they are, but they seem familiar, then it goes away, leaving me with a strong since of confusion and uncomfortable-ness.

I wanted to know if this might by my PTSD. I'm seventeen and grew up around an alcoholic father. Two years ago I went through an extremely traumatic experience involving guns and a trusted man found out to have been a murderer.

I've been researching my problems, but there are so many symptoms and such that I just can't find one that fits. I would love any feedback I can get to help me solve this problem. It's exhausting me and effecting my daily life and I would just be happy to know what it is.

 

[Nicolette]

Welcome SuperAnxietyGirl.

My advice would be to seek a medical evaluation rather than trying to take symptoms and looking for a 'diagnosis' to fit without any qualifications. Maybe start with your local doctor who can refer you to a suitable medical practitioner.

Good luck.

 

[WillyKat]

Agree with Nicolette. See a professional. We here cannot give you a diagnosis, though we can provide you with support. It would be wrong for anyone, qualified or not, to tell you what it is outside of a clinical setting.

You may want to consider checking out local psychologists or psychiatrists online and set up a couple of appointments. Just tell them what's going on as completely as you can. I say see more than one because it's common to not quite click with every mental health professional you meet. Go meet them, judge the chemistry, and then see where that goes.

And welcome to the forum.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Welcome!

Sorry for your experience. I agree with the others. Only a Psychiatrist can diagnose you.

But yes, we are here to support you. Post away! :)

 

[SuperAnxietyGirl]

Oh..OK..That stinks..since I can't get medical help. Thanks anyways..

 

[WillyKat]

Are you saying you cannot get medical help because of money or for some other reason?

 

[Blondie362]

Hello, welcome to this great supportive forum, as has been said ideally you need to get professional advice, from what you have said briefly, it does sound like you are having flashbacks to an unpleasant time in your life, when I get over stressed and have flashbacks I get sounds and voices that go on a loop in my head, its a very weird sensation and can be quite disturbing, please do try and seek out some kind of help, you are young at 17 so try and get a professional to talk to , so you can tell them them what you are experiencing.

 

[SuperAnxietyGirl]

WillyKat, both. We barely have enough money to keep food on the table. And my father is highly unaware of this. He is in recovery, and a lot better, yes, but he doesn't like thinking about the damage he has caused me. He doesn't even know of my ulcer. Only two people know and one is in another country far from here. The other is my mother.

The one time I seeked professional help was when I was eleven and it ended very badly. Also, my father was under the impression that it was because I was traumatized by mother who had almost committed suicide.

Blondie, thank you. I just need a lead of some sort....and that helps to have an idea. Again, thank you. To have these feelings and have them getting worse without any idea what it could be is absolutely terrifying.

Anybody else with ideas please, please let me know. I just want the comfort of having an idea. A lead. I've been researching and researching and the closest I've come is flashbacks.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Hey, there is a book called I Cant Get Over It. It is a PTSD book.

I was on unemployment in my early days of recovery and did not have much money. I saved until I could afford it. I have heard there are book club sites you can join for free and trade books. It is possible there are PTSD books at your local library as well.

Anyway, reading books and coming online to these forums and using the internet to learn about PTSD and read other stories helped me tremendously until I could afford to see a professional.

I am so sorry. I did not intend to make you feel minimized by my previous comment. The continuous loop is certainly a way to experience flash backs. Also, we are here for you for support.

 

[SuperAnxietyGirl]

Thank you! I will look into it! I didn't realize how little I knew about PTSD. I've had it since I was seven, but didn't realize it until I was probably thirteen or fourteen.

And that's okay. Thank you for the apology. I've just been a bit frustrated with the problems I'm having. Thank you!

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I had childhood trauma too. And a couple things as an adult.

I remember just last week, I was trying to go to sleep and I started processing more stuff. I tried very hard to push it back down because it felt really powerful. I am not even sure what it was exactly.

My head got stuck on a thought that does not make sense to me. It was just a sentence. Anyway, it made me feel like I had tunnel vision even though my eyes were closed.

I felt like time was standing still and my subconscious mind zeroed in on that sentence like a magnet. And it just kept playing over and over and over again.

Then I started reliving without clear images, just flashes, but I heard sounds that I could not make sense of. I have no idea which trauma was presenting, but I was fully awake and fully conscious so it was not like sleep paralysis or anything.

 

[SuperAnxietyGirl]

Wow, that does sound a lot like what I am going through. Thank you for telling me.