Undiagnosed Hi. Pretty Sure I Have Ptsd. Victim Of Many Things.

[kate behag]

Hello, my name is Kaytlin.

I am 20 years old, and I have not been diagnosed with PTSD. I am betting that it's just because I've never gone in to get the diagnosis. Frankly, I am a tad scared. I think that once I get te diagnosis, they will try to help me. It's not the help I'm scared of though, it's the fear that they will not be able to help me. I think I've been the way I am for fifteen years now, ever since my abuse started. I was molested by my 3 older brothers, was homeless at a few points when I was ten, dealt with a physically abusive father who once broke my mother's rib, and then went into foster care at age 13. When I was 7, my father walked in on my second oldest brother doing stuff to me.... My dad punished both of us. I actually think I have CPTSD, because of all the things I've experienced, most of which isn't even listed. I hope to find answers and support on this forum.

Kaytlin.

 

[Chondra]

Welcome Kaytlin. I too hope you find this forum helpful.

Being scared is normal. But if you can manage it, do not wait any longer in getting an evaluation and an accurate diagnosis. The sooner you act, the sooner you can get the help you need. And you can get the help you need. Sometimes, (not always) this can take awhile. So just get the process started and take it one step at a time.

You have survived a lot, you can do this! Good luck!

 

[Loveneverfails]

I can understand your fear so much, but there is hope of working through what you've survived. The key word there is 'work'. It will take work. But if you could survive the hell you described, you can make it through recovery. You deserve to feel better. You deserve validation for the personal cost you've paid for everything you've endured. I encourage you to get help, whether it's just therapy or more extensive than that. Don't be afraid to hope for the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Red Feather]

Welcome to the forum Kaytlin, I am glad you have found it. There is a lot of support and information on this site. I agree with the others, the support you need is also out there once you get your diagnosis. It's a real hard first step, but from there you will find lots of tools and information to help you from where you are. Take care (((hugs)))

 

[kate behag]

Thank you guys! I've really been trying to work up the courage to get counseling and a diagnosis. I hit a pretty rough spot a few weeks ago during finals at college. Throughout the whole semester I was pretty much in apathy and didn't even really go to class. I'm just happy I passed my classes at all. Yesterday was a very weird day for me. My university offers counseling and my boyfriend says he will go with me. Could I go there to get a diagnosis? Or where would I have to go?

Anyway, I joined yesterday because I almost felt like I had a battle within myself. I felt like two different people. One part of me was trying hard to push my boyfriend away, being very apathetic and had this mentality that there is no point to get close with people since those people will eventually hurt you somehow whether it be intentional or from their death or something. That part of me was being very cold to my boyfriend, wouldn't look at hi
( more through him than anything) and was pushing for him to break us up. At the same time another part of me felt like it was screaming inside to stop it, understanding that being with my boyfriend may bring pain down the road but it is worth it. That part of me yearned to reach out and hold him. To let him know I love him. This part is my normal self, and I think he other part of me is a manifestation of my fears. The bad part of me thinks it best if I'm never with anyone because nobody would be able to hurt me. That would be unhealthy.

Has anything like that happened to you guys? It's only happened twice now for me. How to I manage something like that?

Kaytlin

 

[Red Feather]

I think it is normal after experiencing trauma, to separate the traumatized self from the "normal" self. I often have that experience. I think most people would call it dissociation. It is completely normal so please do not worry that you are going crazy or something like that. It is normal to dissociate. It is a defense mechanism when dealing with extreme stress. It helps us so that we do not go insane.

Normally what I do is try to help the traumatized self express itself in some way. Sometimes it just means listening to what it has to say and repeating it for myself. Or writing it down. Or talking to my therapist about it. It is very good that you are already aware of this. This is all a very good sign.

I am not sure where is the best place for you to turn for this. Maybe your councillor will give you the right contact information to go where you can get support.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I think your University is a good first step. See the counselor and from there, they'll know where you need to go next. :)

I hear you loud and clear on the boyfriend issue. Fear of commitment because of past trauma is very common. I'm glad you have the other voice telling you to stop. I didn't have mine for a very long time. Be patient with yourself, and understand that this doesn't mean you're crazy. I struggled with that thought so much in the beginning.