Hi...

[precious-things]

I'm Anna.
I'm scared.
I'm starting PTSD therapy this week. Or next week. Depends when we can schedule the appointment.
It was 3 years ago.
No one believed me.
I don't want to talk about it in detail but I'm going to have to for therapy. That scares me.
I'm tired of driving people away because of PTSD.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi @precious-things and welcome to the forum.

Well done for starting therapy. It really does make a difference. Please don't be scared of it. The therapist will have seen and heard it all before. Also I quickly learned that they never judge you, even if you feel embarrassed or ashamed of something.

I hope you get the date sorted soon, then you can tell us how the session was nowhere near as bad as you feared!

As for the details of your trauma- well, that is entirely up to you. You can share as much or as little as you are comfortable with on here. Take it slowly and look after yourself.

Best wishes,
Lucy x

 

[precious-things]

Hi @precious-things and welcome to the forum.

Well done for starting therapy. It really does make a difference. Please don't be scared of it. The therapist will have seen and heard it all before. Also I quickly learned that they never judge you, even if you feel embarrassed or ashamed of something.

I hope you get the date sorted soon, then you can tell us how the session was nowhere near as bad as you feared!

As for the details of your trauma- well, that is entirely up to you. You can share as much or as little as you are comfortable with on here. Take it slowly and look after yourself.

Best wishes,
Lucy x

I've known and been seeing this therapist since elementary school. He's great and a close friend. But every time he's asked direct questions about the rape, I've had basically a dissociative episode and stopped responding and he's had to call me back to the present.

 

[ML322]

Wow, you are one hard worker to keep going to therapy even when it's been so hard for you. That takes so much courage. Have you had any more success with writing or coloring and not talking? Wadding up paper or tearing things and letting yourself be angry about it? Just naming a few things that helped me when I couldn't talk....

Here and open to talking whenever you want. I don't think anything can shock me ;) We are survivors!!!

 

[moving forward]

Absolutely @precious-things I feel comfortable writing my thoughts and feelings on this sight even when they are things I don't feel like I can say to my therapist. For me it feels easier to share with people who understand without all of the explaining.

 

[bluebird]

Hi, and welcome here, Anna. Hope you will feel support in here, as I have felt ever since I found this wonderful forum a couple of months ago :-) And I also want to encourage you not to be so scared of therapy - and I am glad you know your therapist already - it really helps, things can get better and it´s not as frightening as you may fear. You don´t have to say everything; it probably takes some time, but it is important to acknowledge your feelings, so the memories won´t hold such power over you...

You are really brave and I wish you a lot of strength. Keep writing in here whenever you want to, whenever you feel it might be helpful :) Take care <3

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Anna, Welcome to the forum :wave:

I don't think I have much more to add to what has already been said.

You have already made 2 massive steps forward. You have PTSD therapy scheduled, and you've signed up here.

That's HUGE. Just don't stop now. Use both resources.

It's your therapist job to get you to a place where you can talk about what happened without dissociating. But it's a long and difficult process. I'll be honest, you will not see results over-night and the during that process you will likely feel a hell of a lot worse before you feel better. BUT, if you go with that process, the rewards of feeling so much better for the rest of your life is well worth it.

And in between therapy, use the forum. You can start a diary, or raise any questions or thought in the various forums. We all understand what you are going through. Either we've been there recently, of=r are still going through it. Either way, we're not here to judge, only to help and support in any way we can.

Hopefully just reaching out to other people who have been through similar will help you feel less alone. Take all the time you need and have a good read around the forum while you 'find your feet' here. Welcome :)

 

[rainbow1]

Hi Anna, welcome to the forum. I hope things go well with the PTSD therapy.

 

[AngryLittlePet]

I'm Anna.
I'm scared.
I'm starting PTSD therapy this week. Or next week. Depends when we can schedule the appointment.
It was 3 years ago.
No one believed me.
I don't want to talk about it in detail but I'm going to have to for therapy. That scares me.
I'm tired of driving people away because of PTSD.

It's easy for me to tell you not to be scared, but that's because I'm not you. I'm scared too and I know you'd tell me the sane thing. So congrats on your journey of healing.