I deployed to Iraq in 2003 and came back later that year. I've pretty much been drunk since. I've finally sobered up two weeks ago and now everything is hitting the fan.
My wife doesn't love me anymore and wants my but out the door.
My mind is playing head games with me and bringing up things that I self medicated to make go away for well roughly 9 yrs.
I used to think that when I remembered briefly being in Iraq that that was only a memory even though it made my skin crawl and turn knots. I just thought it was kinda like a song you hear on the radio and it reminds you of high school or something... I didn't even know they were flashbacks till I broke down (after sobering up) and read up finally on ptsd. I've had them for the past 9 yrs. When I ever I had one I just drank to forget the feeling. It worked but the bad side effect was I wasn't very nice of a person to be around.
I also have nightmares. I used to have them maybe only once every so often. Like I went 6 months once without having one least that I can remember having. I've been sober 2 weeks and have had two nightmares and about 6 flashbacks. I feel that my mind is going nuts with the stress of having to leave home, the memories that are flooding back, knowing that the one person who has always calmed me down just doesn't want to do it anymore, and well if she kicks me out the only place I can go stay is several hrs away so I won't have my job anymore.
The good thing is I called the VA crises line and they directed me to make an apt with a CPTSD doc. So I called and made the appointment. It scares me cause I've never gone there before and don't know what to expect. The closest one is 1-1/2 hrs away. The wife has at least agreed to drive me to it. So I get to stay in my home for maybe another week. I can't sleep, and I'm eating just enough to get by. I say that but I've lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks.
Anyways I just thought I'd introduce myself. Thanks for reading my ramble if you do.
My wife doesn't love me anymore and wants my but out the door.
My mind is playing head games with me and bringing up things that I self medicated to make go away for well roughly 9 yrs.
I used to think that when I remembered briefly being in Iraq that that was only a memory even though it made my skin crawl and turn knots. I just thought it was kinda like a song you hear on the radio and it reminds you of high school or something... I didn't even know they were flashbacks till I broke down (after sobering up) and read up finally on ptsd. I've had them for the past 9 yrs. When I ever I had one I just drank to forget the feeling. It worked but the bad side effect was I wasn't very nice of a person to be around.
I also have nightmares. I used to have them maybe only once every so often. Like I went 6 months once without having one least that I can remember having. I've been sober 2 weeks and have had two nightmares and about 6 flashbacks. I feel that my mind is going nuts with the stress of having to leave home, the memories that are flooding back, knowing that the one person who has always calmed me down just doesn't want to do it anymore, and well if she kicks me out the only place I can go stay is several hrs away so I won't have my job anymore.
The good thing is I called the VA crises line and they directed me to make an apt with a CPTSD doc. So I called and made the appointment. It scares me cause I've never gone there before and don't know what to expect. The closest one is 1-1/2 hrs away. The wife has at least agreed to drive me to it. So I get to stay in my home for maybe another week. I can't sleep, and I'm eating just enough to get by. I say that but I've lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks.
Anyways I just thought I'd introduce myself. Thanks for reading my ramble if you do.
