Hopeless

[BoN-bOn]

I’ve never really thought about suicide before. I mean, I guess I have but it was just fleeting thoughts. Right this very second I want nothing more than to just disappear from this world. I’m in a mess that I’ve caused myself and I feel like such a failure. I feel like I’m ruining my son’s life. I don’t think I can make it through this I have no support here. I have an appointment with my T today & I’m hoping she can help me pull myself together. I’ve never felt so alone & lost before. I try to tell myself, “YES you have! You have been through much worse & you have felt alone & lost before. You survived it then, & you will get through this!”
Right now this feels worse & all I can think is, “I can’t.”

 

[MrMoonlight]

You aren't alone. Feeling separated I believe is not uncommon. You are here reaching out, connecting and actively looking for help and support. You should be really proud as it's not always easy to do. You are loved and precious as you are, you deserve calm and peace.

Maybe a change right now would be helpful. A slow walk around the neighborhood looking at the small things. The twigs on the ground, the flower bud beginning to open..the small stuff...don't come back until you find a birds nest undiscovered in a tree...or make that a goal for the week/month. For me when the world and my problems seem so big communing with the small has helped.

Wishing you peace...

 

[Justmehere]

I’m really glad you are seeing your therapist today. Tell her all that you can.

It might be hard for a little while, but don’t give in to the voice of depression. It whispers (and sometimes shouts) lies that life is hopeless when that’s not true.

The truth of the matter is that no matter how bad things are right now, your son is so much better off with you alive. Breathing.

I am in the battle with you. You are not totally alone. It’s tough but it’s worth it. :hug:

 

[New]

@BoN-bOn I can so relate to you. Sometimes it’s just so overwhelming and you just want it to go away.

I can assure you your son loves you so much.

You are not to blame for any of this. The fault is with the perpetrator.

I’m so glad you are going to see your T today. You may want to show your T this post if you get in there and are at a loss for words. I do that often.

Let us know how it goes. Sending hugs if you accept.

 

[Tinyflame]

@BoN-bOn it's hard if not impossible sometimes to logically counter the thoughts that the writing is on the wall that this life is going to end badly. But one thing you know with absolute certainty is that loving your son and not wanting to cause him pain makes that not an option, let alone a preferable one, because it would to lose you, and in that manner. And therefore it's not true that you are failing him, quite the opposite- you're meant to be 'here'.

Hugs to you. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @BoN-bOn... Of course it feels hopeless... It's part of the ptsd... But it's also part of recovery.... Unfortunately it's hard hard.... Why does it always have to be hard right?...

I think with these feelings.... Everything is just building up.. But you can learn new ways to cope.... New ways to heal... The fact that you are in therapy is great.... and you're doing great.. I. Know you feel this way just now.... But you will get better.... And I'm sure your a great mother too

Try not to be so hard on yourself.. Medication can help..you are not a failure.. You are a survivor... Not a victim.... Don't give up especially on your son.....

Also try and remember this is temporary.. You won't always feel this way..... I promise you that and we are all here to support you... Listen... Care..... Take care... Hugs

 

[BoN-bOn]

Thank you all so much. I cried reading each one of your responses. It always helps to know you’re not alone when it can feel so lonely at times. Tough therapy session today. She got so frustrated with me for not being able to talk & even talked about referring me to someone else. We talked & cried together & worked it out. I’m emotionally & physically drained.