Hot and Cold Therapist UPDATE, termination letter to therapist

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
If your T has access to supervision, then she has access to lots more options-things she didn't think of. If she is a solo therapist....well lets just say, burn out happens frequently in those scenarios.
I am not sure if this has any relevance but many moons ago, I was in group therapy with 2 therapists and all was well until I started looking for work. Ultimately, they felt that I was not ready and that I should be paying more attention to my recovery than to having/finding a job. This ended our therapy because I really wanted to work.

Who knows but it does sound like your therapist has some of her own expectations to work on and is maybe not equipped for what she is doing with you, which is a long way of expressing that I too wonder if she is trained in trauma therapy. If she is not, you might end up with bigger problems than this.
I totall agree with you @RussellSue!
 
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Emma 777

I need advice on how to deal with a hold and cold therapist who is making my trust issues worse. Everything was ok until I started looking for a job, and then our focus shifted from my recovery to obsession over me getting a job and her getting me to a point ''that I won't need her anymore''. When I got a job offer, she started ignoring all of my emails for several days and sometimes not responding at all. This triggered me to the point I was afraid to take the job, because I was afraid she was going to abandon me as soon as it started. When I addressed these concerns with her, she threatened to call mobile crisis on me and said that some therapists leave when things get tough but that isn't her and that she isn't going anywhere.

Fast forward to 2 sessions later, today, the job ended up not working out and the lady in HR refused to accept my new hire paperwork because of the mistakes and my handwriting after I already went in there and was told to fill out the paperwork a 2nd time. When my therapist asked me how I was doing, I said I wasn't worried that this had happened to me and she proceeded to tell me that she feels like when she looks through our notes that I am not making any progress and she doesn't know what to do with me anymore or where to go from here. She suggested I see someone else, and said that their agency gets audited from time to time and that they would want to know why she was continuing to see a person if they weren't making any improvements. I told her that promising her I would continue to stay alive each week has been the most progress I have been able to make in a while and I was sorry that wasn't enough for her and proceeded to start crying. She then went on to say that she wasn't going anywhere and she was sorry. It didn't feel like she was actually sorry. I have told her things I have never told another person in my entire life and can not bear ever telling anyone else again. We have been seeing each other twice a week for 7 months, and I have already seen 4 other therapists before her. I can not see someone else again, and before she started going hot and cold on me we seemed to be making plenty of progress, at least I thought. I feel so hurt and triggered that she thinks of me as some random person and not a human being. What should I say if anything to her on Monday or should I just block her email and phone number and give up? I feel so heartbroken and rejected, and it has triggered me into a very emotional state where I feel like any second she is going to ditch me again.
This is the therapists perspective.
if you don’t go to session (without adhering to her cancellation policy) then you are giving her a concrete reason to drop you as a patient. Then you will blame yourself and regret that decision. If you suddenly cancel when you’re not someone who usually cancels that sudden change is indicative to her at least that you’re not progressing. Showing up is part of therapy. Don’t give her a reason to drop you. Also if you block her you’re creating a liability issue, when a client doesn’t show up and the therapist can’t reach them to confirm their safety (especially if suicide is a possibility) because you blocked her then she will drop you for jeopardizing her license. She will find a reason to drop you. they will justify whatever they feel. If you cross a certain threshold - they will drop you cold Turkey without a session.
They say therapists are human - uhm so am I!!! I’m the one who is a patient and you’re supposed to be a professional.

Therapists ask you to trust them but they don’t trust you with the truth. It’s not a new policy (please! She controls her own policies! She distanced herself from owning her decisions/choices like an adult.) And openly taking about them even tho that’s what she expected of you. The parent child relationship where they don’t trust you but expect you to trust them is something we try to get out of.

Therapists ask you to show up but they have no problem abandoning you without notice. They abandon you with “we have a personal life and we are human” bs - so then stop making or implying promises you can’t keep. Just be honest from the get go. I can only be temporarily upset with someone who is truthful no matter how bad the truth is. The lies or any perception of deception leave deep wounds. This is a professional relationship that’s personal so they have to be professional.

therapists regularly have their own agenda. I had a new LCSW tell me how she was a “trauma specialist” at the end of a 30 minute session (institutions are now reducing appts to 30 minutes). She proceeded to traumatize me for 30 mins in the first session to fill out forms (Telehealth) and even though she casually mentioned a form she didn’t say it was gonna be 30+ multiple choice questions about how depressed I was (not at all, more often than not, 2 x over 2 weeks, blah blah blah I can’t even remember all th options now and I couldn’t remeber then either but it was like a multiple choice that was confusing since it’s not in front of me and I can’t read or reread the questions and answers). So the whole session was not only invasive but mostly unnecessary questions. They not only did she ask me my race but wanted to know specifically what ethnical subset I belonged to. This isn’t something I care to share. She was basically filling out a census form. When I go to the office (ore covid) these forms are voluntary and I don’t waste my time on them anymore. My race didn’t change since I filled them out last time. It took me hours to recover that day from my emotional hangover but I’d never trust her to handle my actual trauma. She just graduated with a a masters degree so trust me you’re not a trauma specialist yet cause you took a mini course and got a certificate on trauma - she was really good at “trauma” tho. . I’m a trauma specialist cause I’ve studied psychology, read every book and dealt with it on a personal level. I’d probably only address non- trauma areas such as eating, sleeping etc. I won’t get into my backstory and how I’m addressing it but I am. Usually people with advanced degree like a PhD may mention what they specialize in but someone with a masters who just graduated says how you have trauma and I’m a trauma specialist. Oh wow all my problems are solved. So if you can’t see that I’m traumatized after you casually bring it up - you’re an institutional minion who will leave. The last therapist left to go to a place that offers 60 mins of therapy after they reduced sessions to 30 mins. Not much you can get done in 30 minutes - she wouldn’t be qualified to practice privately. They get insurance coverage from the institution/employer.

therapists may regularly have consultations with other more experienced therapists about you specifically. It’s legal, required in some circumstances and at no cost to you - they r doing you a favor. This may be why the sudden shift.
They may or may not be required to inform you of this consult upon you’re asking them depending on what state you live in.
Sometimes it seems like whatever you tell your therapist, they just end up doing that same thing.
therapists are not all created equal.
 
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joeylittle

Administrator
She proceeded to traumatize me for 30 mins in the first session to fill out forms (Telehealth) and even though she casually mentioned a form she didn’t say it was gonna be 30+ multiple choice questions about how depressed I was (not at all, more often than not, 2 x over 2 weeks, blah blah blah I can’t even remember all th options now and I couldn’t remeber then either but it was like a multiple choice that was confusing since it’s not in front of me and I can’t read or reread the questions and answers). So the whole session was not only invasive but mostly unnecessary questions.
Well.....that's a pretty standard intake experience. Sounds crappy that the therapist minimized the forms. And many people dislike them intensely. But - they also are designed to glean some useful information.

Nothing was stopping you from ending the session.

Again - I am truly empathetic about the experience, I've had some difficult intake paperwork myself, and it can be frustrating and sometimes upsetting. But I also don't see where you were forced into anything, here. That therapist did not traumatize you; the experience was traumatic. Big difference.
 
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