Relationship How Did We Get To This Place?

[somewhatstellar]

I am having a very bad night...

Everything was going fine until my boyfriend with PTSD got jumped right in front of our house. He had a yelling argument with a car full of guys at the grocery store around the corner from our home, then the people followed him home and when he was going into the house they jumped him and had him on the group and were kicking him in the head. I had to get our pitbull to go outside and scare them off.

He is very angry now and only wants to get revenge... I am trying to be supportive of him, and make him feel not as stressed, by letting him vent to me, and basically staying out of his way. We were just about to go to bed, when he started calling me crazy, and saying he doesn't know why he bothers with me anymore... So I left and am currently staying the night at my parents house, which is really far away from my work... I am tired, and confused and really just don't know what to do with myself.

I know I didn't do anything wrong, but I really just don't know how much of his crap I can take. I am trying to be there for him whenever he needs me to be, but then he always seems to lash out at me... He was even telling me today that he thinks he needs to be on some stronger medicine because the stuff he is on seems to not be working as well as it once did... I am currently going to a therapist, and was put on some happy pills, so I know its not me..

Why does PTSD have to affect a relationship so much, and why does the Military have to send home damaged goods? He was the most loving caring person before his two tours in Iraq and now he is a bitter man... He is always talking about me being on the heavier side now too which I am not, Yes I have gained a few pounds that I didn't have before, and Yes I am working to get them off, but its harder to do when you arn't always happy, but being happy because the other person is, and so you don't ruin their day.

I am sorry that this entry has been so long and jumped around alot. I just needed to vent!!

Hope everyone else's day was better than mine!

 

[Nicolette]

Oh dear! Thinking of you!

PTSD is really hard to digest as a Carer and being ex Military suggests your boyfriend would have gone into that zone which, as well as tough, he would have cut off his emotions making him seem mean to you during & after the incident.

I'm sorry but can't think of anything helpful to say but wish I could.

 

[emmat]

I really want to send you a hug if that's ok.

:Hug_emoticon:

It sounds like you've had a horrid day. If he's anything like me he'll have picked up that weight is a sore spot and it'll be one of those things that comes out for one of two reasons;

1. I say horrid things when I'm trying to distance myself from people. I hurt them to try and scare them away (often me trying to prove to myself that no-one loves/likes/understands me in a nasty vicious cycle way though sometimes because I have got full or anger and I'd rather them storm off than risk me loosing my temper at them) or;

2. I say horrid things because on some level I want them to feel and understand the psychological pain I'm suffering (which I realise is foolhardy because I seriously doubt I will ever find away of really letting others know just how it feels).

I now realise with shame that these behaviours are destructive and damaging and with Therapy I'm taking steps to address the reasons I act in these ways and finding ways of checking myself so that I don't slip into those behaviours. Consciously I don't want to do this to people, sadly my sub-conscious seems to be working on a different page so it can be really hard at times.

Can I ask, is your partner receiving any talking therapy to help with his PTSD on top of the medication? I simply ask because medication alone will never be able to change the way he behaves. It may make him less likely to be triggered, but only addressing the issues at hand (which often is far simpler with a good Therapist than alone) looking at the causes of his outbursts and finding ways of changing them will make life easier. If he is receiving therapy already then hopefully they (him & the T) will go over what happened and look at ways of learning from it.

Best wishes x