Relationship How Do I Handle This?

[Deleted member 27524]

I know...my guy is honestly the MOST amazing man by far I've ever met. He's so caring and considerate of me and I've never met a guy like that. I'm hurting yes that he's just disappeared but I hurt so much worse thinking or wondering what he's going through.

He was fine the last day we spoke, so giggly and just lovable and he said he might have to go check on his dad that he wasn't doing well. I assume that something bad happened or just the stress is to much on him. It's not that he withdrew that bothers me, it's that were 5 hours apart and he hasn't withdrawn for over a year and I wasn't expecting it when it happened. I worry that something happened to him. It's just not knowing. This is a tough thing and I can handle it all, I mean he's worth more than gold to me but it's just not knowing that's killing me.

I believe in my heart he'll come back to me but I'm trying to be tough in case he doesn't. He hates feeling vulnerable and he keeps telling me that I don't know what he's been through. He's got such a tough outer shell but he's so soft on the inside and he tells me no one knows him like me and I just wanna squeeze him so bad. I love him and I just hope he's okay.

 

[Deleted member 27524]

How long has yours been gone @Glara?

 

[Glara]

My situation is the same. I feel exactly like you do. Exactly. It's just gut wrenching. I can't even talk about it anymore, what's happening right now. But your guy sounds just like mine. Mine is big and intimidating.

I texted him this morning and he answered. I told him he could call, I'm off today and he didn't answer. He's going through a lot right now, and I know the signs. I know I won't hear from him, because it happened in the spring. And this time what happened is worse. I know I won't be hearing from him. He's hurting over other things, but also feeling guilty because our plans got ruined when I came to see him. Sigh

 

[Deleted member 27524]

I'm so sorry. It is gut wrenching. At least he have you a tiny reply, that's good! I love my guy more than anyone I've ever met and the thought of losing him is overwhelming. With his dad not doing well and this is the month also that his fiancée passed away 12 years ago I'm sure mine is just going through a lot.

 

[Glara]

Yes I got a tiny reply but I just know there won't be anymore for a while. And of course I worry it'll be forever. When we were young he didn't know he had PTSD, but his behavior was the same. One time I didn't hear for him for a year and he
suddenly showed up on my doorstep.

Anyway, I'm crazy about him, and I'm hoping I have the strength to deal with what I need to. He lives far away so that may help, we have to have separate lives.

I'm glad I found you on here, it's great to chat with someone having the same experience. We definately need to keep in touch. I'm not sure of how to do that on here, but I guess I can start by following you.

 

[Deleted member 27524]

Yeah that's fine. You can message me on here too.

I guess that's my biggest worry is he'll never come back. He promised to never just disappear for good without a goodbye and I believe he's a man of his word so I'm just gonna hold tight to that.

 

[Glara]

I feel the same way all the time.

 

[Deleted member 27524]

My guy contacted me today. He said it had been a rough few days but he'd talk to me soon..Ahh relieved..love that man!

 

[Sighs]

:hug: to you both if you accept them. Every time my vet withdraws or breaks up with me I think it might be the final time. I try to use it as motivation to appreciate the time we have together but I know all too well the cold terror in the pit of my stomach when he pulls away.

 

[Glara]

And hugs to you too. I don't know what it is that keeps me around, just a strong attraction I guess. If I could only know for sure that he'd be back, I could wait forever. I like my space and independence so the time apart is ok. I just can't help fearing it will be the end. That's what's fit wrenching. I also don't knew how to plan any kind of future. We are long distance and we talked about making changes, but how is that even possible? Idk....

 

[nursenurse]

Ladies, withdrawal is not the same as breaking up. And neither is no way to live. If your guys aren't getting help, the you move on, period. Even if they are, if they are not treating you with respect regardless of their condition, it is time to move on. Anyone who isolates owes you out of respect and caring, a word or two every few days so you know they are all right. You will only receive the treatment that you feel you deserve, and if this is what you want for yourselves forever, then good luck to you.

Ask yourselves this : Are you in love, or are you in love with the idea of being in love? Is there a certain romanticism attached with the idea of "helping" this person, of crusading to make them better, that if you stick it out long enough, they will just have to love you, the way you want/need to be loved? That all will be better if you just stick it out long enough? That you are their only hope, their only future? Because these approaches fo not work, PTSD or not. If you like being left alone with zero communication for weeks or months or a year, and then go running back like a puppy dog, as if nothing has happened in their eyes, YOU have a problem.

You will always find folks who will pat your hand.

I will now respectfully bow out of this thread.

 

[Sighs]

@nursenurse - I appreciate your honest concern.

In past relationships (not involving PTSD) I've stayed for years too long in the vain hope things would improve - somehow! This time I constantly tell myself that this is what it is - it will not change or get better - am I ok with that? So far, yes. As for the future - we'll see.