How Do I Let Go Of My Cynical Attitude About Love?

[Justmehere]

I'm becoming incredibly cynical about love. I was recently struck by how cynical I have become when I sat in a discussion among friends about loving things a husband did for his disabled wife, and how much he felt he actually was given by her. She so loved him, and he so loved her in return. I didn't think it could be real. Then I met them... And they had their battles, very real ones, and it made the love they had seem all the more amazing.

I never think that kind of love is possible in my life. At all. It isn't and part of why it isn't possible is because I have become so cynical about it.

Trauma has taught me to be cynical. Loss and abandonment has taught me not to risk again.

I want to unlearn those lessons and believe that love, broken but kind humans loving other broken but kind humans is possible.

 

[Kefira]

I don't have a solution for you, I hope you get some useful comments from other members. But I just wanted to let you know that you're heard. I'm pursuing a relationship currently and finding it really hard to let go and own my feelings. Love to me is a hard concept partially because I recoil from my concepts of what it "should" be when it looks very different for everyone in practice.

It's tough- I'm a hopeless romantic at heart and I was conditioned and taught that no such thing as happiness in relationships exists. That's a pretty challenging paradox to live in. And often when I do see proof that it might exist for other people, beyond being suspicious it actually makes me deeply sad. It's extremely confusing to me so I normally avoid it altogether.

Trauma has taught me to be cynical. Loss and abandonment has taught me not to risk again.

I think that sums it up perfectly for me.

 

[Friday]

If I didn't hate my body so much right now? I'd have been all tangled up in bed wiff someone an age ago*.

If I didn't hate myself so thoroughly ages ago? I wouldn't have left a handful of really stellar men that it didn't matter how I felt about them, or how they felt about me... Because there was no way on earth either of those things could override how I felt about myself. Same token, that also affects who I connect with -or not- period.

I don't know about you, but for me, my biggest roadblock is myself. I have to believe in something in order to allow it to happen. I can love others, but if I cannot allow them to love me? Ain't gonna happen.

* This is also in line. Whenever I'm all sexed up and half on the prowl (trying not to be, but it still leaks out) there are interested parties around. But I don't want anyone who wants me as I am. I want someone who wants me as I want to be. Shrug.