How Do You Experience Flashbacks?

[NotApplicable]

I want to read how others experience them too.
I was very triggered the past few days and I was having them and I decided not to leave the house because I was scared and I haven't been out since last Wed.
I was in crisis so I talked with my therapist on the phone on Sunday and yesterday at both days she asked me to get out of the house as she says by being in all the time i do not help myself and I keep thinking the same things over and over and I'm getting deeper.
The thing is that I'm telling her that I'm scared but I never told her what I'm scared of and I don't blame her for not understanding or for keep pushing me.
When I'm having a flashback a I'm shaking uncontrollably and crying. A lot of the times I find myself on the floor usually curled up in a ball. And I had people telling me that I was screaming but I believe that's rare.
Also when i just feel or smell something I've noticed that I don't remember what I was looking at but somehow listen (?). For example we were talking on the phone yesterday and I was having a flashback but I could still hear her talking to me but as If she was far away. It's like i couldn't process what she was telling me at the time but a while later I realised what she told me to do. Anyone else has that?

 

[BlueOrange]

When I have flashbacks, I feel and experience and behave according to the pattern of the frozen part that has been activated. As a person with multiple frozen parts (as opposed to the one frozen part that is 'classic' PTSD - my diagnosis is DID), my flashback experiences vary. I get angry flashbacks, sad flashbacks, confused flashbacks...

And nothing brings on the flashbacks quite so much as trying to talk about them. They're kinda personal, and extremely painful, which might be why others aren't sharing them yet in this thread. I think it's good that you're able to talk about yours - it suggests that you've got some OK-ness about the experience of the flashback.

 

[Friday]

My flashbacks these days: Are mostly like nightmares while I'm awake. Most of the time I zone out, my body goes very very still, or twitchy like I'm dreaming but sleep paralysis keeps motions small or abbreviated or weak. If I'm in a bad cycle of them I usually try to either go lay down if I can't get a grip, or the opposite -grounding- in order to attempt to get a grip / bring my mind back to present.

It's been a very long time since I "woke up" mid action / acting out my flashbacks &/or nightmares, although that's happened. More than I care to admit.

What I think is happening with those two things is that my flashbacks are triggering/pairing either disassociation or fight/flight response.

Yes... Sometimes I have layers. Where I'm partly in the past & partly in the present. During those, the present doesn't feel real, seem real, is often very out of focus. Sight is like looking through a telescope backwards, and blurry. Hearing is distant, warped, echoey, or nonexistent. What's "real" for me at the time is then, not now.

I very much suggest you share what you wrote with your therapist. There are techniques & tools that you can learn to use, and strategies you two can work out that will help.

 

[Ocean5]

Yes hard to talk about. Took years to realize what was going on until I wrote it out to read to therapist. Mine are emotional flashbacks, or panic attacks, so I was very confused. It didn't make sense. No memory. Perfect day. No trigger. Yet I'd suddenly have to return to apartment in total fear. Body reaction I can't even describe except flight mode to safety.

Therapist tried to help narrow down trigger. Turns out related to time of day from youth. Sry can't go further than that.

If it makes you feel better, first session I had to email doc about things she said for clarification. I dissociated. I guess part of me didn't want me there.