How Do You Write Within Forum Guidelines And Stay Connected To Your Authenticity?

[Seasounds]

I am interested in the different ways people have found to be 'civil' when upset, and/or how to be authentic when using more polite language, on this forum, than they would use in private?

I never use to think that I could be kind while I was upset, without feeling incongruent or stifled, or two-faced, or kissing ####. At some point, perhaps a combination of experiences, I found a way to know how (for example) inwardly, angry I was, when I was, externally, polite. I guess I learned that as long as I was in touch with my real inner feelings,

I could change my words and tone, to fit the setting that I was in, without betraying my perspective. In that learning, I found that there was still space in other settings and relationships (situation and person defendant) that I could be more of myself. Since, as a child I was not allowed to express myself, I was really determined to rawly express my mind, no matter if it hurt myself or others. This made me rather stubborn about giving up my brashness.

From therapy and being around others who were raised with more respect, I learned this level of socialization: being appropriate (believe me, I dislike the term) within the situation, in which I was participating.

Finding this balance reminds me of how an opera singer can express intensity through high or low notes, or through soft or loud notes, while they feel the same feeling, in each variation.

 

[Heather]

I hit the ignore button.....ALOT lately. Better to ignore than spew and later regret. Actions have consequences....especially on here.

 

[Ed Norton]

Play the ball not the player---stick to facts, is all

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The question in the title is very hard for me, especially typing as in real life I hide inside myself, quiet, dont say anything, bottle it up and then cut/punish (im trying to start putting them together as my therapist says cutting is punishment) later to take it all out on myself, i suppose.

But i can type what i cant say so for example, everyone can tell that ive been 'off' the last few days as i have, mentally. I very much care for others and certianly dont mean to come off uncaring, hateful, discouraging or anything down those lines, in any way, im just simply depressed (at the moment), or whatever mental thing im feeling at that moment.

I think from when I first joined and would tailspin all over the site (very embarrassed of that behavior) and after my break which was taken on another site to not be 'alone' with my head, which was my fear of taking a break from the site, I came back behaving better i suppose. Unsure of the right words but most said it was easier to talk with me. I didnt feel always on guard or defensive as i did before.

And im not sure what changed in a week but it did.

Maybe its just learning to back away from the site when i need to and having a bit more help with my other disorders when they show their head. I tend to bounce back and forth on the two sites now. Lately i havent been there much as I feel PTSD is now showing its head more than BPD but if I feel too 'overwhlemed' with one, going to the other one seems to help.

Ive never named either site as I dont want to advertise either one, wasnt my purpose of finding it, I just needed some support with BPD and DBT and other things not so much PTSD related and another place to gain support and due to that, I was able to be the caring person that I am here where before my symptoms were ruling my posts here.

Havent a clue if I answered this or even if this was a question.

 

[anthony]

and/or how to be authentic when using more polite language

I don't use polite language, and for the most part, I get my opinion across and then leave it as is.

I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for, so I will use me as my example.

I swear in day to day life, and I swear here. I don't care whether someone else likes it or not, there is no rule about swearing, only swearing at another person where it is a direct attack. Don't attack another person is pretty simple, yet I can add swearing to my little hearts content to get any frustration out that is within me. That is why swearing is allowed... because PTSD comes with a shit load of frustration.

The difference is off loading it in a healthy manner vs unhealthy to you manner.

I disagree with a lot of things people write here. Some of the shit I read... I'm like, "are you for f*cken real?" But that is my thought. I may then express that thought and even put it into a question, because there is usually more information that may change that thought.

Now even if a person gets all pissed off at me in their response, now I have a choice -- retaliate, ask again for further info to whether my opinion changes, or do nothing and more on with other discussions here. If that person then starts at me via profile, PC or other threads, then that now becomes their problem, not mine, and they are now attacking me because what I asked or said pissed them off, and they can't control their response without attacking.

Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one. Opinions are the spice of life, and if you swear, curse and whatever else, nobody is stopping you except you. The difference is to always ensure that when you write, that your swearing or cursing isn't attacking another person directly.

Responding to someone such as, "for f*ck sakes, are you serious? Why the f*ck would you do that for?"

Attacking version, "for f*ck sakes, are you a moron? Why the f*ck would you do that for? Are you f*cken stupid or something?"

I love people being themselves, to be perfectly honest. Shit, the amount of people who get the shits with my responses when I see huge gaping holes / issues in their words and I throw them straight back... OMFG... hundreds, if not over a thousand times in ten years. I am me... I'm not going to change.

Be yourself please, just keep in the back of your mind between expressing your opinion and attacking -- know when to not respond at all also.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@anthony you're reply made me laugh (in a good way) so thank you for that, I needed it!

 

[Seasounds]

I'm learning that It is more about:

• How I say things-sharing opinion vs attacking.
• Sticking to the point of conversation vs 'slinging mud' at the other person.
• Being able to be freer-swear and use sarcasm, as MY expressions.
• Differing opinions are tolerated.

 

[Ronin]

Politeness is way lot more than just language.
It's in whole the treatment. Someone can tell me to go f*ck myself five times a day and the relationship still being undamaged (heck, could be enriching it).

Politeness in relationships, I try to get, but not at the cost of honesty.
Basically I wouldn't lie to people if I thought they're a mess.

I try to leave abuse out, though. Impolite & abusive are completely different lands.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Well, that's a relief! I've been swearing up a storm!

Saetva, your perspective is as valid as anyone else's here. Please don't withhold it.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Politeness is way lot more than just language.
It's in whole the treatment. Someone can tell me to go f*ck...

Haha, cashew, you must have some really interesting relationships!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I always try to be encouraging and uplifting but days like today, its just not possible so do I express myself or do I stay alone with it?

Guess thats a question more to myself.

Id rather express it than to keep it in but if being discouraging, thats not good so I dont know.

Sorry, just thinking 'outloud'. Totally disregard if not helpful.

I think thats why, amoung the fact that I just plain like him and love having a friend, my admin friend, on the other site, in messages is great. I can express to him what I cant in open forum on either site and he's great at lifting me up or just being there with me in that space.

So on this site, finding a few (and I do have a few here) where you can just express anything to, in conversation privately, that helps too. A few that wont judge but will tell you the truth and/or just be there 'with you' when you need someone.

Someone(s) that you trust very intimate thoughts. I dont mean sexual, i mean like raw emotions and thoughts. I think thats what made the difference for me. I had someone that I could just 'let it out' to and therefore i didnt do that on the entire forum.

 

[Seasounds]

My Irish slang can come out, finally! :cool:
And I can share more easily!

It is letting others' responses be theirs vs taking it personally, that is my challenge, in being more expressive. Anthony is a good model for that response.