Childhood How Many Other 'hidden' Extreme Abusers...

[LateInThe Day]

I'm aware of not hogging forum space with a second post in a short time (but perhaps that's just a fawn-type issue - I don't know and too much self-analysis makes my head spin! :hungover:) So apologies in advance if needed. Working through my CPTSD for the last couple of years has been life-changing, with lots of recovered memories and flashbacks, but I feel like I'm still only just scraping the surface of how bad my childhood was and just how extreme my m*m was. I still struggle to say it or type it. From my earliest memories there were times when I knew she was moments from killing me in a rage and was having trouble restraining herself. I now also realise there were two other instances in the family that I know of, both as extreme but presented in more subtle ways.

I was watching a documentary about a high-security mental health hospital. There was one prisoner in particular who was nothing like her (he was a tall, teenage male), but as soon as they panned to a shot of him walking down a corridor I had a gut reaction and thought 'my m*m'. I also know now that the names for it include histrionic/narcissist/sadistic. Then I saw the look in his eyes and KNEW I was right. The scary thing is, they then explained his condition and I WAS right. He was the double of her. The things she's done are hard to prove, but technically she should be locked-up too. She's not safe left wandering around in society.

But she's completely hidden, no-one knows or can see it because she's clever at creating situations, will lie to extreme lengths to get out of things if accused and has always had the 'respectable, perfect housewife' and now 'harmless little old lady' act. In fact it's not even an act for her, because that's her reality to herself. It's obviously brought up a lot of issues for me, but it also makes me wonder, how many of us grew up with these extreme, dangerous people hidden from view in society? It's a bit mind-boggling.

 

[LateInThe Day]

Forgot to add... Happy New Year to everyone on the forum, where ever you are in your life at the moment, may the next year bring you all that you are looking for. x

 

[lostforgottensoul]

What's extreme?

My mom and step dad were (are now both dead) cult leaders. They almost killed me on a daily basis and tortured me on a multiple times a day basis. I was trafficked and rented. I was chained up, tied up, locked up, drown, forced to do all sorts of bad things...and it goes on. I don't see this as extreme though.

Anyway, no one knew at the time. They had a real world mask that passed EVERYONE. Many saw them and every one of them missed it. We were just another happy family, to the point that my mentor in high school called me a constant complainer (when I was throwing hints).

I never went to the police after. I never saw it as bad or even abuse until about 2 years ago and I am 35. Even with my therapist's urging back when they were both alive, I would never make even a civil suit. I refused.

My family all believes her and thinks I am a lier. They all believed her when she was alive and treated her as though she was their queen and today it means I have no family. None of them speak to me. Most especially since I refused to see her last July when she was dying in a hospital. That turned them into very vile people. Moreso then before, which was already hard to top.

So yeah, they roamed the earth free of any "justice" or prison time and that also includes the family fully believed them thus had them when I didn't and don't.

Not sure it sucks really. Not anymore. Either you are opened to make a criminal (or civil of it's past criminal) charges or you aren't. If you aren't, I get the the feeling of them doing it again or abusing more people or just hurting people or getting away with it....etc....but none of that helps me. It wasn't until I stopped that line of thinking did I start to heal me or focus on me to then heal me. I couldn't focus on them and me at the same time.

I don't mean to not express anger or hatred or any emptions related to them. I mean I couldn't think "they are out there slithering around and duping everyone. How can everyone be so blind of what they really are? How can they take their side (a child abuser's side) and not mine? How could no one have seen it back then?" Etc. That's what interfered with my own healing. Expressing emotions in any direction is good. Emotions are always vaild and deserve their own space.

I am only saying to maybe think about it, entertain the idea that it may be getting in the way of your own healing.

If not then not. Just my own personal experience. I'm sorry you are dealing with this! :hug:

 

[Fragile Dragon]

I'm aware of not hogging forum space with a second post in a short time (but perhaps that's just...

Hi. My 1st time posting so if I make a boo boo in re: forum etiquette, Pls (anyone) LMK!
I so much relate to your post! In my case, it was f*ther who was Narcissistic Personality, malignant. I had therapy on/off for 20+ yrs before I got enlightened! Once I realized, it then took changing therapists a few times. I told my story but one told me she couldn't treat me. Next one said straight out that it sounded like I was exaggerating. I'm now working w someone who gets it more than others but we still "clash" at times. Both my parents have passed, also my only sib, a brother. I hoped that after parents were gone I'd improve a lot. Wrong! Actually am unraveling issues with my mom who I thought was always "on my side" She was more covert. Anyway, some days I cry for my younger self b/c I was always told all problems were my fault. And I believed that. My parents, Both, were jekyll & hyde different outside of the house or car! I think I assumed ALL parents were that way. Earliest memories are ~3 yrs. I had depression that young but didn't know a word for it --- I would get tummy aches. Felt gloomy or at times, had to be in bed like sickness. One thing that was very confusing: I was *told* We love you, etc. But their behavior was saying otherwise. I concluded early that I shouldn't trust MY instinct. Even now, I can be deceived by hearing the Words! I AM getting better and remind myself to watch the action, behavior--do they match? Also still working on basic "interaction skills".
I get triggered so easily! Get overwhelmed by feelings and then can't use my logic. With CPTSD: flashbacks are not clearly defined episode.... it's emotional state, I often find suddenly I feel I'm 9 yrs old. I'll stop for now, I feel I'm rambling. I'm glad you posted. Helps me feel a connection! (but wish it could be something else --- for you & for me) Take Care!
Fragile Dragon

 

[Tinyflame]

Actions are the deciding factor.