How To Finish Therapy

[Claire]

After many years I'm planning/hoping and thinking about finishing therapy. My question is this, after years of support how do you stop and go it alone? I dont have much of a support network but I do have some friends I can talk to.

So do I stop totally or plan to go back for a sort of maintenance session every now and then? or just reduce the sessions gradually?

The idea of stopping totally is pretty hard but I dont want to have to need therapy for ever. I also dont want to stop and then need help again. As you may be able to tell I'm a bit confused with the situation.

Any ideas?

 

[CaptainR]

Claire,

First off I don't have any helpful answers. I just wanted to thank you for posting this thread. It's something that I obsess about all the time, wondering if I'm really doing any good in therapy, or if after more than a year of at least weekly sessions if I'm just ready to say it's given me all I can expect and it's time to try something different.

I managed to stop for an entire year, then found myself needing it again, or at least believing I need it again.

I would say talking with your therapist about how to close this relationship out might be helpful. I've thought about decreasing the frequency gradually, until I get to the point where maybe I'm going less than once a month, and when I get to that, if I can make it between appointments without holding my breath waiting for the relief of having someone to talk to, it would be time to let go.

Sorry not much help here, just wanted to say what a great and important topic this is.

 

[fin]

I think this is a good thread also and I would like to share that while I have been full on since I came here, I don't know how much I was really taking in.

I think I was so very caught up in trying and trying to work through I do not know that I fully comprehended the work or what was involved in it. I do think now though that I am perhaps begining to understand better.

I would not like to say at ending or how to, I would try to go with what feels right for you, and perhaps working through this with your therapist might help, because I do believe it is good to have a positive resolution if possible when we come to the end of things. If you have a support network in place that is working for you and good friends that you can share and be with, and have developed your own structured management for helping you though, I would hope that this might give you confidence to perhaps begin to try. Also I do know from everything I have read that we WILL have to keep managing our PTSD, so I do think that can feature somewhere for you.

But we are all different, and I know in my case that I do think I have maybe only just begun now to actually listen properly and learn something. Scratching the surface for me has mellowed into really trying to and hopefully begining to understand. I know i have a ways to go yet, I know though that I am learning now and stepping back some helps me in this, I believe that when my time comes I will have the tools in place that will help me manage. I just know at the moment, I have to slow down. So perhaps in some way you might feel maintainence might be the way to go to manage. Only you can really know though, I hope also I will trust myself to know.

I wish I had something more to offer, I hope this helps some.

~fin

 

[Deleted member 541]

Claire,

I think it's ok, to be a little cautious, feeling a bit off, when thinking about leaving therapy. We have so much of ourselves, our time, and our lives invested into therapy and getting well, that it's hard to break it off. Almost like ending a relationship/friendship. Actually it is......

If and when you decide to end therapy, discuss it with your therapist, ask for a plan of action, cutting back, stopping altogether, for future emergencies that may arise, or any other concerns that you may have.......I find that most therapist always leave the door ajar, just incase we might need to see them again....

If you are at the stage, where you are considering leaving therapy.... Then congratulations on your success!!!!! When you finally do this, throw yourself a party, you deserve it!!!!!!

 

[cragger65]

Hi Claire,

If you're ready to try, by all means do it in a way that creates the minimum amount of upset and doubt for you. If you go weekly, try missing just one appointment in the middle of each month and see how 2 weeks feels without that support. Stick with that for a while until it feels natural and comfortable for you. After a few months maybe, try every other week and see how that goes. Give yourself time to adjust and give yourself time to flex those coping muscles to get them working, rather than turning to the T each time. Maybe withing 6 months to a 1, you'll be once a month. That in itself is HUGE. Then, as Captain says, you can decide whether you want to let it go. And, as She Cat has said, the door is always open. If you hit a patch and need the support again, it's probably a matter of a phone call and a day or 2 wait to see them again. No pressure.

I'm impressed at your courage to try this change on for size, a sure sign of doing better.
Dave

 

[Jestadud]

I think that if you reach a point where there's no longer anything new coming up each week and a stability has been reached that you feel you can probably learn to live with, means the relationship has run it's course.

There is a real sense of loss involved, but we have to be realistic the whole point of seeking help is to get back to coping on our own.

My therapist's were both NHS and we discussed about the sessions ending probably 4 to 6 sessions before they did. In both cases the break was total, although I did write to let them know how I was getting on.
When there is money involved I would imagine the incentive to discuss ending the sessions wouldn't be so strong for the therapist.

There's something comforting about the maintenance session plan it's something I would have liked. But there's a part of me that say's it seems a bit like learning to swim then keeping the armbands on just in case.

Make the decision on how you feel at the time, not on how you think you might be feeling 6 months or a year later, so much could happen in between.
Jesta

(NHS = National Health Service, England)

 

[Marine0311]

Did 1 on 1 at the VA for almost 2 yrs. Tried group and that didn't work out.

The way things are now at the VA, I don't see getting 1 on 1 anymore...

Do I need it..... YES! Going through some major stuff right now...

I talk with a Social Worker every six weeks and a Mental health Nurse whenever she is on duty. She's great.. Works me around the schedule just about everytime. There are some good folks at the VA....

 

[Claire]

Jestudud, the arm bands thing is exactly what I was thinking. But then again. The whole thing is learning to swim on my own yes but I guess when you learn you dont go straight up to the deep end. Its a progression from there and you may need extra lessions to get further.

It doesn't feel how I expected it to yet. I feel like the process has been like growing up. I started at about age 4 and now I'm about 16 and wanting to be more independent.

I imagined it would be a lot easier to see when the time was right.

 

[Auburngirl]

Hi,

I'm dealing with the same issue. I initially went weekly, then every two or three weeks, then at one point had a break for two or so months, then went back, now it's been monthly again. The longer stretches took some getting used to, and a few were a bit too long or too hard, but now monthly is actually fine.

I'm in a situation right now were the door is open and I can go back anytime in the next six months, but after that I'd need to go back to my GP and get a referral (I'm in Canada, this is through the public system). For me finding out how to go back if I needed to was critical - and it sounds simpler than I thought - I go to my GP get a referral, I go back to the same person and there isn't a waiting list at that point (there was to get in initially).

I'm currently about to have an appt, and am trying to make sure I tie up all the questions I have, and am in the best place to continue my recovery. Right now it's nice just to know that the option is there - sort of like training wheels that I don't always use.

 

[Claire]

Thanks for everyones replies. I spoke to my therapist about it last week. We are working at me being more independent. We have talked about the next few months winding down. There's a few things that have come up recently through nightmares that need working on. We are going to do some more EMDR on those and then gradually stop. We are talking about once a month, or 6 weeks for a bit and see how it goes.

He said that I can always come back to him as long as he's working so that's a good thing to know.

Its hard to work out how to manage on my own so we are going to make a plan. One main worry is that PTSD developed partly due to not talking to people and thinking I can/should be able to handle it on my own so how do I know when to talk and when not to? At the moment I tell him everything. My friends have come and gone and I do have some I can talk to but I'm a little concerned I've worn them out with this stuff over the years so I dont tell them as much as I used to. Its a balancing act that I should be able to manage myself. Maybe I can and just dont know it yet, I just dont know. One thing I do know is I'm determined I dont want to get really bad again.

 

[Blues in NYC]

Wow. Claire that last post of yours really strikes a chord with me--the bit about the friends and the need to take care of things on your own prior to therapy. It's really great coming here, reading other people's words and recognizing bits of yourself out there.

I'm nowhere's near ready to begin planning on leaving therapy. But I see some seeds of wisdom in what everyone else has contributed thus far. Thanks all and I look forward to the day when this question is my question too.

You all inspire me to keep on trucking.