How to work with co-workers who hate each other's guts?

[The Albatross]

Do what you got to do at this time.

Personally I do like to push limits and test my self management skills and abilities. My own theory being I don't know how the vehicle performs off road unless I take it there. You've kinda done that here (test drive under off road/outside the comfort zone conditions), with this situation AND knowing when to bail is a skill as well. You've already exceeded your own personal expectations on this one... and learned a lot about where your physical limit is and that you need to learn more about not over committing yourself so you can rest and recover.

However this goes down, you've done well gal... stellar!

 

[The Albatross]

As you decide when to submit your resignation letter... to keep levity, turn your thoughts over to what things you've learned about yourself all the good things too that you'll take away from this experience? Helped me a lot. Write it out.

 

[Friday]

I don't always want to do experiential learning! Why can't she give more hints?

So basically when people behave like this - you resign immediately on the day that happens and you don't to back into an extremely abusive workplace. You put the complaint in writing and you walk away. OH shite! NOW SHE DISCUSSES THIS WITH ME?

Breathe through the first few sentences... it gets better. I promise.

A lot of us told you to do exactly that. You didn’t want to. You wanted to honor your commitments, amongst other things.

This is where experiential learning comes in.

It doesn’t matter how many people say the exact same thing, one simply has to experience certain things to fully understand them. To see how flimsy what seems like solid arguments against really are. Paper Tigers. Meaningless. Utterly weightless in the face of what’s going on.

Now that you have? You will never be in this position, again. The knowledge has sunk from head to heart, heard vs experienced, and it will simply become part of who you are, and how you operate. You won’t second guess your decision in the future to turn on your heel and walk out. You won’t agonize about whether or not you did the right thing. You won’t regret your decision, nor try and amend it. You won’t fawn. Or freeze. Or feel badly about yourself. Your self worth and intrinsic value will rise, as you make the decision that you are worth far more than this, and easily follow it through.

...but ONLY because you learned this by doing it. By hearing all the arguments against, trusting your own judgment (not a wrong decision, by the by), and seeing for yourself. You’ve seen for yourself. And now you’re not just doing what someone else is telling you to do... but your judgment itself has altered, with new information, and new understanding.

My own theory being I don't know how the vehicle performs off road unless I take it there.

this. You don’t know where your limits are, until you find out.

:sneaky: That’s why I said trusting your own judgment? Soooooo was not the wrong thing to do! You did exactly right. And now you know more. And that will alter how you decide to go forward in the future. Good stuff. Pain in the ass stuff, but good stuff all the same.

 

[HealingInProcess]

I think you've been very reasonable about all this from what you've reported about their behavior. I'm glad you've stuck it out this far but don't suffer!

 

[ms spock]

It's really stressing me out, but I will deal with it.

 

[barefoot]

You have your resignation letter good to go... So, if this is stressing you out, you can choose to not stay in this situation that is stressing you out.

What is stopping you from sending that letter now?

 

[ms spock]

It's the kids. I don't want to disappear on traumatised kids, who have too many adults who just turn up, make a connection and then leave their lives. And my Autistic kids - so I just don't want to disappear. So I have this afternoon, and two other Friday afternoons, and then I am done.

I am not going to give a resignation letter now because the two of them will just bitch about me to the parents and the kids. There is no professionalism. So nothing will change if I resign so there is no point. I just have two other afternoons to go. I didn't go in this week for any of the prep days because it is a waste of my time.

Soon I won't see them. So it won't be a problem.

 

[ms spock]

***practices exiting gracefully, stage left***

 

[HealingInProcess]

It's the kids. I don't want to disappear on traumatised kids, who have too many adults who just turn up, make a connection and then leave their lives. And my Autistic kids - so I just don't want to disappear. So I have this afternoon, and two other Friday afternoons, and then I am done.

I am not going to give a resignation letter now because the two of them will just bitch about me to the parents and the kids. There is no professionalism. So nothing will change if I resign so there is no point. I just have two other afternoons to go. I didn't go in this week for any of the prep days because it is a waste of my time.

Soon I won't see them. So it won't be a problem.

Yeah it sounds like you've got it planned out. Not too much more time left to endure it.

 

[ms spock]

Two afternoons to go.

 

[ms spock]

So how about this for an idea? Talk to some senior members of the organisation to let them know some of the issues that are going on!?

How about reaching out for help??

Well I did do that from the well let us call her the President so I talked to the President and outlined the fighting in front of the class and the parents. And that they didn't talk to me for two weeks and how actually that was quite peaceful because neither of them complained to me about each other. So we laughed about that. Also the comments in front of a child with disabilities about them being slow. I emphasised how much each woman had contributed but I also said that their behaviours made it difficult to work with them. I also said that on Wednesdays despite telling the 85 year old many, many times that I am not doing Education on Wednesdays but instead I am doing Grants writing that she didn't seem to get that, which was creating stress for me as she keeps scheduling training in, so if I am late - I am doing the training. She scheduled training but didn't tell me where it was this morning. So I let everyone know that I might be late. So that was good.

I also let the woman know (who minuted the meeting where all the decisions about the school excursion) that the 85 year old took over the excursion, that she rang the primary school teacher, that she told me not to use the education email, and that she told me things would be done when she wanted, as she wanted it. The woman looked at me with dismay and shock. I said I did my best that I didn't want that become her her workload as it is a lot of work, but I did my best. I said I didn't follow up with the universities or any of the other stuff because she took it over. So that took a bit of pressure off.

So I said to the president that there really isn't room for any room for any other people to be there, there was only room for the two women. She said that there needs to be room for other people. She suggested a discussion I said there really is no point as decisions are made and because of her anxiety the 85 year old doesn't remember what has been said. I said discussions have been had and nothing changed. I said that with her anxiety that she is not retaining information. I said that the other woman was also anxious and was feeling like all her unpaid work was not appreciated. I said that maybe awards be given to them to assist them in feeling appreciated? I said I had really had enough, that I continued to be positive but it was getting to be just too much. I was mostly positive with a "It's a shame it's going like this!"

 

[ms spock]

So I am overall doing better. I did cancel my Alexander Technique this morning because I need to get into the writing stay in the writing and then finish the writing by 4pm this afternoon.

So the President did intervene and talk to the 85 year old and the 65 year old in positive and reaffirming ways. So she was really positive with them, but did talk to the 85 year old in terms of other things not adding to her workload. So I was glad to see her tackling that from a care position and not a complaint position.

Me talking to the President and then the other woman meant I actually relaxed and talked more with everyone. I had had a bunker mentality.

It may have helped to have reached out sooner.

Anyway I have stuck it through. It has taken a lot out of me and I won't be doing preparation days next term. Or going in on days that they are there.