Squip Mrbearsfriend
Bronze Member
Army '89 to '93, I served in Desert Storm and was on the the leading edge of the hammer going through Iraq.
For the first few days of that war, there was nobody in front of us. Combat Engineers to clear the path, make sure the rest could follow on safely. When the main push hit the highway, we got behind the tanks and made sure nothing they left could move. If it looked usable, it got c-4 applied to it. Did that for the next few weeks, too.
Found this site while trying to get a handle on the isolation. . o O ( was listening to Paul Hardcastle's "19"...it mentioned the alienation, rage or guilt...which got me thinking on the isolation I feel around others...and the lack of ability to 'love'.)
I have a pretty good memory. Makes it hard to forget what I saw... did, experience, etc. Makes the nightmares brutal. Best I can explain...imagine a picture in a picture frame...now 'walk' into it. I can replay some events like a silent movie.
sitting here scratching my head, wondering what to say...share...whatever.
spent the longest time...wondering...what's wrong with me. I have more ways to keep people out of my life, than in. I look for the 'con' in what people are saying and doing faster than the possible 'good' they might mean. Having that 'radar' in the head, tracking people...and 'had' to know where everyone was. Well, that and hearing tank rounds go off while in the middle of wal-mart, kind of makes ya question what's 'real', too.
spent some time over the past couple of decades in and out of therapy. Managed to avoid addictions to alcohol, hard drugs, etc. Picked up an addiction to caffeine and MMO's. It's the addiction to caffeine that landed me in the hospital. Lied about how much I drank. Doc caught me on it, and suggested I enter therapy.
spent the longest time in therapy...it explained a lot. like why it feels like another 'person' takes over when I trigger. . o O (had to learn what being 'triggered') means.
Just...fragging...lost. It's like, there are only a few emotions I know. And the civy world, just doesn't make sense, because...they just don't understand.
For the first few days of that war, there was nobody in front of us. Combat Engineers to clear the path, make sure the rest could follow on safely. When the main push hit the highway, we got behind the tanks and made sure nothing they left could move. If it looked usable, it got c-4 applied to it. Did that for the next few weeks, too.
Found this site while trying to get a handle on the isolation. . o O ( was listening to Paul Hardcastle's "19"...it mentioned the alienation, rage or guilt...which got me thinking on the isolation I feel around others...and the lack of ability to 'love'.)
I have a pretty good memory. Makes it hard to forget what I saw... did, experience, etc. Makes the nightmares brutal. Best I can explain...imagine a picture in a picture frame...now 'walk' into it. I can replay some events like a silent movie.
sitting here scratching my head, wondering what to say...share...whatever.
spent the longest time...wondering...what's wrong with me. I have more ways to keep people out of my life, than in. I look for the 'con' in what people are saying and doing faster than the possible 'good' they might mean. Having that 'radar' in the head, tracking people...and 'had' to know where everyone was. Well, that and hearing tank rounds go off while in the middle of wal-mart, kind of makes ya question what's 'real', too.
spent some time over the past couple of decades in and out of therapy. Managed to avoid addictions to alcohol, hard drugs, etc. Picked up an addiction to caffeine and MMO's. It's the addiction to caffeine that landed me in the hospital. Lied about how much I drank. Doc caught me on it, and suggested I enter therapy.
spent the longest time in therapy...it explained a lot. like why it feels like another 'person' takes over when I trigger. . o O (had to learn what being 'triggered') means.
Just...fragging...lost. It's like, there are only a few emotions I know. And the civy world, just doesn't make sense, because...they just don't understand.
