Husband Not Interested In Sex

[Gemini Lady]

Im new to this group, i live with my husband who suffers from PTSD and i am struggling. Not sure what else to write at this moment will share more later. Thank you

 

[Ted Moen]

Welcome! Anhedonia is a not uncommon ptsd symptom.

Ted

 

[Nerdanna]

Sometimes it can be medications if they are part of treatment. Hang in there.

 

[Kim]

Welcome to the forum. You will find a lot of information and support here.

 

[Greytowngal]

My husband was put on Citalopram for his PTSD and he really affected his libido. His current doctor, who really doesn't understand PTSD, told him that he was a workaholic and until he relaxed and emptied his head of work then he would always have a problem in the bedroom. My husband continued to have no interest whatsoever, and then after a few months of feeling embarrassed and wretched - he discovered the best way to cope with it...........he told me it was my fault and that I just didn't do it for him anymore!! He has since been emotionally detached and has isolated himself and says he can't make love to me because he doesn't feel anything for me anymore.

Gosh, this makes me sound like I am a very pushy wife and was demanding sex, but it was not like that, we have a very strong, loving relationship, always told each other we loved each other and I was supportive and understanding - you have to be when you live with PTSD.

The hardest part is knowing this is all going to end badly as he is in total denial. In his head he has resolved the problem, by disconnecting with it!! He is no longer in the military, but works in the Middle East. Not the best place for someone with PTSD to be and also too far away for me to help and support him.

I love him with all my heart, we are soul mates and best friends. This is so hard, but I guess it is a waiting game. Any suggestions that anyone else may have, I would love to hear from you.

Good luck Gemini Lady, thinking of you x

 

[Gemini Lady]

ohhh you made me cry.... my husband knows that the meds do it but i think that after 4months of no sex and he has been on the meds since feb. this yr that he would want to get at least a little bit back but he says its not me and i believe him to a point but when i mention sex or intimacy he hits the roof and says im selfish just thinking of myself. I to love him with everything & yes they do disconnect cause thats the only way they can concentrate on fixing themselves. i have and last night he called an end to our marriage after only 2 yrs. it feels like the biggest slap in the face to me as i have put up with everything he has thrown at me and i have supported him thru everything and i just feel that because i pushed him into getting help and he is doing very well i might add that know im paying the price for him getting better. i am very crushed and have no where to turn now. they say it may be up to a yr before they getting the feeling of waiting to do it again but i wont be around which is a shame.

 

[The Albatross]

My husband and I haven't reconnected intimately... though he says he is interested. I go through long periods of frustration and then acceptance. Some things have gotten better for us, but that part has yet to heal. I've written a lot more directly about it... but am short on time today. I just wanted you to know I hear you. We have been on the ropes about this intermittantly for almost a decade. But when we take stock in the other aspects of our life together... at the core is mutual love and acceptance... unconditional. I though, had a series of sexual assaults and rape... it may make me less inclined to sacrifice a relationship with someone who has accepted me for who I am, through the depression/PTSD/rage/shame/grief because of sexual intimacy. Though I hope one day that will change. We are in joint therapy together and that is one issue yet to be resolved.

 

[amethist]

Hi Gemini Lady

I have read your question, but this is the first time I have had chance to sit and reply to you, so please except my apologies, before I begin.

Unfortunately, intimacy can be one of the first things to go, and sometime a long time getting any where near to how it was before. This can happen to anyone who suffers from any kind of depressive illness, whether it be mild depression for a normal stressed life, Post Natel depression to PTSD.

All you can do is except that this is how it has effected your partner, it is not the end of it, but a lull in proceedings so to speak. The more you make a fuss about it the longer and more stressed he could become.

My husband and I do joke about this now, as he gets the idea in his head, but does not go any further very often.

Our take on this is also, is that this is not what our marriage is all about, there are other things too. That is just an added bonus now, as we are still together, despite PTSD trying its best to wreck this at times.

So take your emphasis of the intimate side of your relationship for now, give him a break, tell him you understand more about how PTSD can effect every part of his life, this included.

He is angry when you mention it, possibly because he feels a failure, and not the man he should be, which to be honest can be a male ego issue even when PTSD is not in the mix.

Just make the best of it, and except that no and again life will be good for one night. But then maybe weeks or months before the next.

Stand back for a while, and look at your marriage as a whole, try and build on what is left. He may be saying he wants to end it all one day, and apologizing with everything he has the next.

Take more care of yourself for now, it help further down the track if you learn to do this now.

Amethist

 

[Lionheart]

I have difficulties due to the PTSD meds. My doctor gives me Viagra for it. Have you tried going this route? At any rate, there was a time when I needed a break from sex altogether. As a man, I had all of this performance anxiety along with the other PTSD symptoms and it temporarily destroyed my interest in sex. As I healed from the intensity of PTSD symptoms, my natural desire returned, as did some of the ability. It is difficult to be aroused when we are stressed, fatigued, depressed etc. If he says that it is not you and that it is him, I would just trust him on that and find other ways of being intimate until his natural desire returns. I wish both of you the best!!!

 

[Gemini Lady]

i want to thank everyone for your words of kindness and understanding. i listened to everyone who say that its normal for men to lose interest in sex, but just thought they were saying it so i wouldnt blame him (like i was) that i was ugly, unattractive etc... i realise now that im not the only person who is going through this.

Lionheart777 you have helped so much as everyone else has but having a "man" reply has helped me see it from your point of view. thank you.

we did seperated for a bit since i 1st wrote on here and now we are sorting through it and i have made the promise to try and not ask for sex or make jokes about not having it. trust me its very hard!!
but im hoping that if i do this things might come back or at least a small bit might come back. i just hope i dont have to wait another 5 months :(

thank you all once again....ok now to stop crying :) THANK YOU xx

 

[Gamereign555]

Me and my girlfriend used to be more intimate and we both feel that is missing in our relationship now. She doesn't let me think that it bothers her all that much but I know it does. She understands that things aren't the same. I want to understand it, I do and I miss how I used to be from time to time. It makes me want to cry that I just don't feel that sometimes. I do feel the urge sometimes, but with us it has become an issue of both of us being interested at the same time.., but we are trying not to be to hard on each other for it. I also do things I know are romantic, but it's sad that I only actually feel 10% of the emotion behind it, still she deserves to have the experiences and I hope she can appreciate that I try to act more like a human so that we can both enjoy the good things in life together.

 

[Gemini Lady]

Hi all,

Well things seem to go well then BOOM.....I think I should give up and cut my loses :(
Still no intimacy and despite what everyone says ,I'm telling ya a girl needs to be loved!! I wish I had no morals or feelings cause then I could just...you know ....BUT I can't, thats NOT me.

I discovered the other week that during the night his body tells me 1 thing but when I tell him about it the next day he says he doesnt remember. So I think it is me, he just doesnt want me, I wish he would stop lying to me and just say "Hun I just dont see you that way anymore" then we can both move on with our lives but saying its the meds is wearing thin now.

5 months is just not on....he has been on the meds since Feb so his body is used to it, u cant say its not!!

Lost & lonely :(

<Please capitalize the first letter of each sentence, and inset paragraph breaks into your posts. Amethist>