Sexual Assault I am so angry at the legal system... i was told crown attorney would not prosecute.

[AngryNotVictim]

So, I was sexually assaulted 8 months ago, almost to the day. I know this will sound stupid, but didn't even know I had been until the alcohol wore off and the memories started coming back the next day. The worst part, was that I knew I had had sex with someone I wasn't even interested in, and I had no real idea on how we even got to that point, but drunk brain said... "I must have wanted to, I guess?!" ... Once the memories came back (as many as I was ever going to get back), I realized what had happened to me and I went to the police. After two grueling and embarrassing interviews (on camera, by the way) in which I needed to give a detailed recount of what I could remember, dealing with a completely disinterested detective (whom my case was assigned to), dealing with the PTSD that was to follow and will probably continue for the rest of my life (was not prepared for that) and then not being able to receive proper therapy (for fear I would become desensitization to the trauma), I am told today that the crown will not prosecute and the a-hole gets to walk away Scot free...without even a ding on his name. "It's too difficult of a case to win" I am told. Defense has good evidence they said. You were inebriated they said. You had moments of lucidity they said. You texted with him they said. They even went as far to tell me that if I had been 100% unconscious and I had gone for a rape kit right away, it would have been an easy to prosecute case... and when I got mad and told them that I should have been half dead I guess, they got upset. My response was,..."Why are you upset, this is exactly what you just told me!" ... SO, lesson learn. The world still is made for men, by men... And all us women who think we are safe to be who we want to be (for example go to a Beer festival with my brother in law and his a-hole friend) are effed nonetheless. All I can tell people from my experience is, unless they beat you to a pulp or you can't even remember your name when you come to, don't even bother with the law. This world is disgusting!

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Exactly why I never said anything 25 years ago. You would think that things in this world have changed for the better, but they haven’t. I am sorry that you had to go through all of that.

 

[Deleted member 37868]

So, I was sexually assaulted 8 months ago, almost to the day. I know this will sound stupid, but didn't even kn...

I relate so much, and first off I’m going to say you are braver and stronger than me for even getting as far as you did. I didn’t even go to the police because I knew immediately that it would be like this, because it it is. You have to be an angel, who doesn’t drink, who only wears turtlenecks, who doesn’t even dare go to a bar, to get a case prosecuted. It’s ridiculous, I’m super cynical and have always been, I didn’t even bother telling anyone because I could guess how I would be treated. I don’t know, you did the right thing trying to get justice, but the system is f*cked, and that isn’t your fault. I just run off the assumption that most humans are pretty awful by nature. Oh god this isn’t very positive, what I’m trying to say is that outside confirmation that you were wronged isn’t required, in an ideal world you would get justice, but in this one you have to continue living with this shit situation and not let it destroy you. Do everything in your power to live your very best life, take care of yourself, I didn’t for ages and it f*cked me up. Sending you a virtual hug, some things may not be in our power, but others are.

 

[Tree23]

As a person so distressed as it is, it breaks my heart even more to read stuff like this. When I first came to terms with my memories, the first thing I wanted was to go to the police. I searched so much online relating to past child sexual assaults cases as I was so desperate to see if I had a chance. It was a very low time especially when I found out that if my abuser was under the age of 10 they couldn't even be prosecuted, which I believe mine may be. Imagine the person who raped you admiting to all of and still walking free. That feeling is too embarrassing for me. Not only did I get raped as a child, but now that person could rub it in even more. F that and f this legal system.

 

[LuckiLee]

I'm so sorry for what happened to you! But you did the right thing by going to the police! You may not have gotten the results you needed but it's now on record. So when he does this again (and he will) his next victim will have a better chance.

Have you started therapy? And have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

Take care of yourself!

 

[Deleted member 37868]

As a person so distressed as it is, it breaks my heart even more to read stuff like this. When I first ca...

I’m really jaded about the whole criminal justice system, used to want to go to law school to fight for justice, but how can you if the ppl are corrupt and the laws don’t serve the victimized? Every other aspect of the law works well, you have some weed on you? Jail time. Don’t do your taxes or embezzle some money? Jail time. Murder? Jail time. Why is it that it is a matter of he said she said and all other combinations of that, when it comes to sexual assault? It’s the only crime where that line is used, and the victim is dragged through the dirt. I feel your pain, and I actually think this is an incredibly important thread, it makes me sad too, for every human mistreated in this this way, and it makes me mad, I think we shouldn’t let go of that feeling, things need to change, I honestly didn’t care for a while because it can be so exasperating thinking about it, I just threw up my hands and said that this is how the world works, but people decide how the world works, no idea on a course of action, it can be scary to talk about these things openly.

 

[lookingfor help]

So, I was sexually assaulted 8 months ago, almost to the day. I know this will sound stupid, but didn't even kn...

I'm going through the exact same thing. My assault happened 7 months ago almost to the day. I went through that whole process of police interviews and video recordings almost in a daze. I hadn't even fully processed what had happened to me until a week later and even after that went through waves of denial where I managed to so strongly convince myself that nothing had happened. I heard nothing from the police once I left the station in those very early days and the last I saw of them was giving back the keys to my flat where the assault took place. I tried desperately to call them for months to hear how things were going while still living in the same area as him. It makes me sick to think how alone I was and how unsupportive they had been; they made me feel like a burden for calling so much and I never got through to anyone. The officer assigned to me ended up changing mid case and I wasn't informed. This silence on the other end went on for nearly five months. Until finally when I was so broken, juggling this and university and needing a break, almost happy to run away back home mid week and be with my mum because I couldn't take it anymore, I got a call to say the case was dropped. That literally broke me. I felt like I hadn't been believed and that I'd wasted my time. And to hear the way he had described the assault to police. His version of events made me almost doubt myself, because how could someone lie like that. I didn't look at or speak to the officer who explained why the case wouldn't go further. I was just numb, staring at the ground, not thinking anything. He tried to reassure me, and so did the counselor in the room that what I had done was huge, that this would go on his record and I had started something very important that meant if he ever did this again he could be convicted. That maybe next time he won't get away with it, they meant. If he tries. If I wasn't the only one. It's hard to believe how things worked out so well for him. And how even though deep down I knew I wouldn't win, it was still that much harder to hear and think, "he's gotten away with this."

 

[shimmerz]

Why is it that it is a matter of he said she said and all other combinations of that, when it comes to sexual assault? It’s the only crime where that line is used, and the victim is dragged through the dirt.

Happens in domestic violence as well. He said.she said is a great thing. Except the one who is lying gets the benefit of the doubt and the one who was victimized loses any quality of life.

 

[Tree23]

I'm going through the exact same thing. My assault happened 7 months ago almost to the day. I w...

I am so sorry to hear this, but know you've done an important thing. The perpetrator will definitely think twice now before ever carrying out the same act again because they know that they can't silence anyone. Rest assured you may have prevented a future crime like this happening again.