I Can't Understand Any Of It :(

[gator2227]

I'm so lost and confused..I'm hoping you all can help me makes sense of things. My boyfriend broke up with me out of the clear blue and none of it makes sense. He's in the Army and although he's never admitted to having PTSD, he shows a lot of the signs for it.

During our time together, he openly talked about marriage and spending our lives together. We had so many hopes and dreams for the future. 3 hours before the breakup, he was telling me how much he loved me and cared and couldnt wait to see me in a week. Then out of nowhere he ended it. There was no indication this was coming at all..it's like something triggered him to cut me out completely.

I know hes been having a hard time recently with a relapse into what happened during his deployment. When he broke up with me, he told me his life feels like a train wreck and he doesn't feel emotionally available anymore. He said he cant be in a serious relationship until he gets his life back on track and needs time to himself. To me, this was all strange because he was always the one making it serious. Most of all, I'm so confused how one minute I'm the world to him and then in a matter of hours, hes gone. Just a month ago, after he exploded with anger at me when something I said triggered him, he cried about how he hurt me and he was so terrified to lose the one thing that meant the world to him.

We also had long distance thing working against us but he was always the one telling me it'd be okay and that in the long run, it'd be worth it. Just a week ago, his best friend's girlfriend broke up with him and my boyfriend kept telling me how grateful he was that I was ok with distance and that we still had each other.

I know maybe it's not worth me trying to figure it out but I just wish I had some answers because I dont understand any of it . I only feel like half a person now that he's gone..he truly meant the world to me and I feel so helpless. Thanks in advance for your help.

 

[goingonhope]

Just a month ago, after he exploded with anger at me when something I said triggered him, he cried about how he hurt me and he was so terrified to lose the one thing that meant the world to him.

Hi gator, I'm sorry that you don't have any sure answers on this and I can't help give you anything for certain. All I can comment is that some people when terriffied of losing someone or something very important to them decide to let another, or it go, and before they lose that someone. (It can seem, that doing this hurts less, as well as, releases alot of pressure).

You also said:

I know hes been having a hard time recently with a relapse into what happened during his deployment. When he broke up with me, he told me his life feels like a train wreck and he doesn't feel emotionally available anymore.

It sounds like these feelings are intense for him to have him describe them like a train wreck, and I imagine terrifying as well. So he likely presently has a quite a bit of fear and some terrorfying for him, as well as intense feelings, and these create obstacles for him to be emotionally available; Perhaps he knows this.

Only a comment, and as you know,......can't really know anything.

You can really only accept what he told you most recent, and trust that you will be alright whether or not he wants back in relationship or not, this will save alot of confusion.

 

[Army_Brat_88]

Hi gator.

My story is all out there on a thread already, so I'll try not to bore you :) I identify with your LDR part, and I guess that's one thing that had always worried me. My ex-guy and I were many many states apart. When he came home from Afghanistan I thought I'd be moving w/i months. And just like you, marriage was in the cards - or so I thought. I'm now in the process of going on with my life w/o him ever being a factor.

He said he cant be in a serious relationship until he gets his life back on track and needs time to himself

Sigh. What to say w/o sounding like a horribly mean and insensitive beeyatch - which I don't want to do at all :( But I've come across numerous threads and stories where that's said and yet we/they hold on. I know I did. I know I have. I know I had. My guy eventually said said "I'm not ready for any of this". That was months ago, and trust me, seeing that I haven't heard from him again since, he obviously meant it. He was someone who knew how badly I was hurt before him and swore up and down he wasn't going to do the same thing, ( I said to him "Don't have me waste my time for nothing", and he promised I wasnt) - but he did (and I guess I did/was). So I've taken it that they really aren't thinking of you or your feelings when they tell you that. They are dealing with their own issues - or trying to.

I identify with all your feelings. I don't offer any advice to your situation, I can only say what I did as I waited: I began to romantisize the relationship. I became anxious, and irritable, and very depressed, and longed for the relationship again. I emotionally put it up on a pedestal - one which looking at it through my eyes *NOW* wasn't real at all. I became desperate, and in 6 months I'm no further ahead in any relationship with him now than I was when he came back. I went through they "why's, how comes" and churned around every aspect. I analyzed EVERY conversation, every email till I almost went nuts. I got the "I love you's", then weeks of silence until I figured out finally something was wrong.

Read the threads on here from people in your same boat. Also, read some of the posts by ppl on the sister combat ptsd site. I learned some good stuff because it was written from 1st person experience from guys who can articulate what's going on in their heads in a way that perhaps your guy can't do currently. I learned whatever I could about PTSD this year just in case he came back into my life, but it won't be wasted if he doesn't. But if you wait it out, be prepared. It will really knock your socks off.