I Hope This Is The Right Place. I Really Need Support.

[Daisee1203]

Hi. I am new here. I posted a few weeks ago. :) I hope this is the right place to share as my PTSD is being re-activated due to current events.

I was stalked in Nov my a property employee and immediately moved. Once I was settled and in my new place I started gaining my confidence back. I'm sure as you know, PTSD survivors may not have a lot of that. And it is amazing how quickly it can be ripped away. I felt I was moving in a good direction.

About a month after I moved in, I started noticing that when I would come home my locks would be different than when I left. It was not my landlord. After 3x, I changed my locks. It abruptly stopped for 4 months. I was shaken but not entirely sure what was happening so I couldn't fully "panic" ya know? Like I didn't have all the info to freak out, which I guess was a blessing at the time. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago and it started again. I did research online and found whomever this was was probably entering my space via "bumping" the locks. It is relatively easy, needs no special tools and leaves no evidence. The fact that it started up again told me that this person was persistent and that scared me very much. Police were called but they were of very little help. In fact, one told me not to expect a follow-up. That night, I left and went to stay with my boyfriend. We came back next night and it had happened again. I got the feeling like they wanted me to know they knew I knew.

I changed locks again, to something pick proof now. That was about 2 weeks ago and it happened again this weekend. They weren't able to mess with my deadbolt this time but it was the bottom lock. Police were called again and again, they were of no help.

I am at the end of my rope. I don't know any other way to say this. I am lost. I am beaten down. I am not sleeping. I can't think straight. Not eating. It is a massive effort to take a shower or walk my dog. No clean clothes. House is a mess. I am scared to leave my house. I am on high alert no matter where I go. I can't concentrate anywhere---even work. My thinking is fuzzy. Can't complete tasks.I have no motivation. Any noise affects me greatly. I get a migraine at least once a day. My face is puffy. I cry a pretty good deal of the time. According to a support org for stalking (this is considered stalking in my state) I am doing all I can. People say don't let this person win. They say anything but that it will be ok. I feel so defenseless. I am in total and complete fear and you can see why this is re-activating. I don't know who this is or why this is happening. Of course it could be previous person but it "feels" new if that makes sense? At this point, I'm like I don't care, I just want it to stop.

On top of ALL this, my boyfriend and I are having challenges. He is going through something himself and has suggested a break. I am okay with having/giving space. I want to respect him. But you know, I need him, too. He is not acting like himself...well neither am I. I know my safety is my big concern but this is a factor too.

I try to share with my friends/family but no one really gets it.

Honestly, I just want my life to go away. I told my mom the other night I hope something happens to me b/c I can't take my life anymore. This isn't how I'm supposed to live.

If you have ever been through this or can just offer support I REALLY need it.

Thanks very much.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Daisee,

It is very scary and disconcerting to have someone stalking and tampering with your home. PTSD or not, this is serious and would be extremely stressful to even the most laid back person. However, with PTSD the stress would invariably increase symptoms.

I lived with similar circumstances and understand how paralyzing and invasive the fear can be. Do you believe this is the same property employee that stalked you previously? It would make sense as they would have a working knowledge of locks.

One suggestion would be to talk to a security professional as they can help with the security.

Wishing you peace.

Debbie

 

[BigBear]

Just a thought here... I think that pin hole camera's exist. The can be activated by motion detectors and focused on who ever is at the locks. As Debbie said, a security Professional can be very helpful, assuming that you can afford one.

Also as I've said before, a big dog who loves you can be a serious comfort.

Bear

 

[Srain]

I'm so very sorry you are going through this, my heart really goes out to you. Honestly to me, there is nothing worse than not feeling safe in your own home. I've had my home broken into a couple of times, the last time by my ex and he wanted me to know it was him but not enough to where the police could get his finger prints. I thought I had moved where he couldn't find me, he went through all my personal things, he took personal things and left obvious things, I was sick.

No, I've never had anything as brutal as what you are going through but I have felt that looking over my shoulder and not feeling safe in my own home. Notes left on my car at home, at work, insane notes saying he wanted my dog, she's his property on and on. 2yrs of it. He was the kind that would come up behind me and grab me around me in a bear hug without my permission ...I stayed up all night loading my guns and calling the security company, changing locks, getting a stun gun, pepper spray, anything and everything I could think of. I did what Intothelight suggested.

I can only try to imagine what you are going through and even then I know I can't begin to but I know it is extremely rough. I can suggest you begin with some sort of security system that will go off should whoever is doing this opens your door. I would look into an outdoor camera, catch them at it. Hard as it is..fight back! How dare they do this to you!! I had to dig deep to get there but I found a part of me that did that because I had no choice, the police woman told me off to the side those were my options and to seriously take care of myself so I did.

Please take care,
Rain

 

[Daisee1203]

Thanks to everyone for your feedback.
I have a dog. She is big but a big sack of love. She wants to play with and lick everyone. She is alert but not an attacker.I am looking at getting a taser.

I do not have the money to install and rent a security system. I also do not have internet at home which is needed to run a camera or a via a VCR. I do not have that either.

I am making signs to post that state they are being watched and trespassing. I have changed all my locks but windows are just glass you know? I hate this. I also don't have the $ to move again.

 

[BigBear]

At the very least, get your neighbors involved. Everyone hates burglars. Just tell them that someone's been trying to break into your house and you are afraid that they might be next. They don't need personal info to take an interest. With as many bad guys as are out there, you will be doing them a favor!

Bear

 

[Daisee1203]

Thanks, Bear. :)
Yes. Everyone in the building knows. 2 in particular on the watch - 1 is my next door neighbor. I then told the people next door who live in a house next to our building.

 

[Srain]

You know can get a buzzers that make noise if your door is open. ;)
I love the idea of the signs, smart move!

Rain

 

[anni]

Me too. At the very least you'll find others here who know what you're going through. I'm so angry for you- if these people really did have so much power they'd come out of the murky shadows. Yes, those cams are expensive- I used them. A thought might be to ask if you could rent the equipment necessary, or even just put your feelers out for folks who might be willing to help just on a sort of crime watch basis.You never know. I was just talking to a friend who has lurkers wishing to do her harm-she'll be employing the poison ivy method of discovery which is rub some leaves on what the stalkers are touching and see who strarts scratching. Fear plus anger makes one inventive. Jerks. They shouldn't be touching your locks and wouldn't have consequences if they were not somewhere they have zero business to be fooling around.

It does sound like your neighbors will be keeping an eye, plus the idiotic stalker types don't know your dog is a lovely, goofy happy one-they just see 'dog' and a potential noise maker at the very least. I'm so sorry you have this, but are doing every thing you can to ensure your saftey is probably more effective than you think, you know? If they weren't cowards at heart they wouldn't operate in darkness- they know you know they're there. Yes, they keep at it, the swine but also only get their sick thrill if you're powerless. You're increasingly showing them you are not.

Do take care. I hope you're able to come be with us when it all feels too much for you. If none of this is helpful a least know you're not alone and sometimes that's helpful all by itself.

Anni

 

[Tinyflame]

I have been stalked twice and a third time the motive was retaliation (in their mind, anyway), you may want to see if you can obtain pepper spray, use cheap objects that cause noise (eg cans under a window), ask if you can be loaned a Personal Protection Dog (they will slip in easily with your regular dog).
No matter if they say otherwise they don't want police involved and they don't want to get caught.

Good you told your neighbours, it's not a comfortable situation to be in.

 

[Sqweak]

((((Daisee)))

I haven't been through this but I would like to offer some support. I can't believe this kind of thing still happens and the police are STILL doing a little less then nothing to help. I recall watching something about women who was being stalk vehemently. She started to create a log, tons and tons of notes about the stalking and what she observed during the day about her stalker. Is this a random act or someone you know/knew? The more information you can give the better and don't give up! It sucks to be the annoying person in the room but if it's going to save your life. Stomp your feet and make phones to every police officer that will listen to you. Because eventually they will have to listen.

Keep us updated and I hope you get some sleep. <3

 

[Daisee1203]

Thanks so much to everyone that responded. Since this message I have taken additional measures. I don't want to post them - just in case, but they make me feel better. I'm not giving up until I can literally rest. It has come to my attention in the past few days that I deserve a calm, quiet life simply because I am alive and I will not stop until I see this accomplished.

I don't know who it is. I have some ideas but nothing substantial. I believe in time, all will be revealed.

I am keeping track of it ALL. :)