A
ALS90
Hi all,
I apologise for the potentially long post ahead but I REALLY need help.
My partner and I have been together for a year and a half. When we got together he laid everything about his past out on the table for me. I considered what he had told me and decided it did not matter because the past is the past and if his problems re-arose I would be there for him. It was a serious love at first date deal.
In the last few months he took a severe downturn in his mental health (it may be a good time to add that I have been suffering with my own mental health issues for the past 5 years and have just come out the other side, I also have a Bachelors & Masters degree in psychology and like to think I have a good understanding of the way people think and process things ((generally))... the only thing I never touched on in all my study was PTSD). He went for a proper psychiatric assessment and finally found out that his years of ups and downs and severe troughs in progress were because he had undiagnosed PTSD. Following that he almost immediately started EMDR and so far has had 5 sessions (which after a lot of reading, I am totally aware to not expect any miracle changes so soon, I know 5 sessions of CBT or other therapy never set me right, it took 20 or 30).
Our situation currently is that he cannot leave his home, he has severe anxiety over leaving the house and that if he does leave something awful will happen (e.g. an act of terrorism). For months now the relationship has become very one sided. He is still sweet and caring, he still tells me he loves me about 3000 times a day. However, behaviourally, everything has just gone away. He cannot come to my house, and I feel disgusting saying this but it often seems like he isn't even trying. It is always the same excuses that are hidden behind veiled texts when he wakes up. He constantly lets me down by saying that he IS going to come over this weekend and that he has to break the seal at some point, or he says we will go and get dinner... but ALWAYS cancels and something ALWAYS happens. However, when it comes to me going to see him, everything is perfect and sunshine and rainbows. He isn't open with me about how he feels towards his PTSD or how it is making him feel. Any small victories like him getting out to the gym or the shop, he completely puts down and won't acknowledge. From the outside it looks as though he wants to be stuck where he is and that infact it is his comfort zone. Again, I feel disgusting for saying that, but standing on the outside that is what it looks like... and this is where I need help. I just DO NOT understand it. I don't understand how he can be fine but then when it comes to giving back to me a little bit, by going out to see me, he completely suddenly regresses and the world becomes a dark and terrible place. I don't understand why it feels like anything I do or say just isn't helping and isn't good enough. I feel like a terrible person.
I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. I am so grossly in love with him and I have dismissed anybody who doubts his ability to get better and that I may end up needing to move on. I want to be with him through this because I know he wants the same. He has told me hundreds of times. We still talk about it all the time now. He hasn't recoiled from me emotionally, but physically I am exhausted because it is ALL coming from me and I am exhausted because I just dont understand it. I don't understand when he's managed to get out every day for a walk or to go to the gym, but then can't come and spend time with me.
I absolutely applaud you if you have read this entire post and I am also extremely grateful because I am so stuck, and so upset, and so tired of feeling like an awful person for not understanding.
I apologise for the potentially long post ahead but I REALLY need help.
My partner and I have been together for a year and a half. When we got together he laid everything about his past out on the table for me. I considered what he had told me and decided it did not matter because the past is the past and if his problems re-arose I would be there for him. It was a serious love at first date deal.
In the last few months he took a severe downturn in his mental health (it may be a good time to add that I have been suffering with my own mental health issues for the past 5 years and have just come out the other side, I also have a Bachelors & Masters degree in psychology and like to think I have a good understanding of the way people think and process things ((generally))... the only thing I never touched on in all my study was PTSD). He went for a proper psychiatric assessment and finally found out that his years of ups and downs and severe troughs in progress were because he had undiagnosed PTSD. Following that he almost immediately started EMDR and so far has had 5 sessions (which after a lot of reading, I am totally aware to not expect any miracle changes so soon, I know 5 sessions of CBT or other therapy never set me right, it took 20 or 30).
Our situation currently is that he cannot leave his home, he has severe anxiety over leaving the house and that if he does leave something awful will happen (e.g. an act of terrorism). For months now the relationship has become very one sided. He is still sweet and caring, he still tells me he loves me about 3000 times a day. However, behaviourally, everything has just gone away. He cannot come to my house, and I feel disgusting saying this but it often seems like he isn't even trying. It is always the same excuses that are hidden behind veiled texts when he wakes up. He constantly lets me down by saying that he IS going to come over this weekend and that he has to break the seal at some point, or he says we will go and get dinner... but ALWAYS cancels and something ALWAYS happens. However, when it comes to me going to see him, everything is perfect and sunshine and rainbows. He isn't open with me about how he feels towards his PTSD or how it is making him feel. Any small victories like him getting out to the gym or the shop, he completely puts down and won't acknowledge. From the outside it looks as though he wants to be stuck where he is and that infact it is his comfort zone. Again, I feel disgusting for saying that, but standing on the outside that is what it looks like... and this is where I need help. I just DO NOT understand it. I don't understand how he can be fine but then when it comes to giving back to me a little bit, by going out to see me, he completely suddenly regresses and the world becomes a dark and terrible place. I don't understand why it feels like anything I do or say just isn't helping and isn't good enough. I feel like a terrible person.
I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. I am so grossly in love with him and I have dismissed anybody who doubts his ability to get better and that I may end up needing to move on. I want to be with him through this because I know he wants the same. He has told me hundreds of times. We still talk about it all the time now. He hasn't recoiled from me emotionally, but physically I am exhausted because it is ALL coming from me and I am exhausted because I just dont understand it. I don't understand when he's managed to get out every day for a walk or to go to the gym, but then can't come and spend time with me.
I absolutely applaud you if you have read this entire post and I am also extremely grateful because I am so stuck, and so upset, and so tired of feeling like an awful person for not understanding.
