I don't even know what to say....I've coped with bipolar for years and many many years of substance use....lots of lots of dangerous bad places....now they say I have PTSD....I can't even leave my apartment....I can't do anything....I feel worthless and unworthy of love even though my gf tries to convince me its not true....I just feel like my life is over...I was always a high functioning person who worked....built a couple businesses from the ground up....went to law school.....now I am on disability form work for 2.5 years and am baffled with what's happenimg to me now....I read people who can still go outside and work and exercise or whatever and I am so jealous....I can't do anything....I can barely make it onto the balcony....for someone who has always worked and functioned at a high level when not using, this is an impossible situation....I cry all the time....lots of SI all the time....no planning yet but still really disturbing to have these thoughts.....anyway, I don't even know why I posted...I just found you guys and i guess I just needed to say it out loud.