Escape Goat
Bronze Member
I think my mother is a NARCISSIST!
That seems to explain the wonky dynamics I grew up with and as scapegoat / lost child I was the target of incredibly evil actions on her part. Maybe I'll find it me to forgive her one day. When her time comes I will not shed a tear.
I now realize it's impossible to make her see the truth. Nobody can argue with a narcissist. That's why I was raised on sugar-coated lies, unbridled unfairness, and double standards. Back then I rebelled so at least there was some justification to the only consequence being punished so unjustifiably. Damned if I did, damned if I didn't, and it only added to all the acrimony. Her waking up and admitting to her deeds is wishful thinking at best.
It took all those decades for the ugly truth to reveal itself finally from behind the façade of glitter and glammer that had an undercurrent all along. Eureka!
All these years...
I now recognize the deadening effect it has had on me and the lack of self identity that I lived with all these years. Why would she want to ruin my life like that? Opportunities that she tore away from me have included romantic relationships that never were. Why?
I just realized something else: I don't love my mother any more, and now I'm not sure how I will continue to live my life with her so close by in my community. I will be the one expected to take care of her in her dusk years even though all 3 of my siblings make more than $500K a year. OTOH I stand firm on the decision I will have to make, and it will be flat out no, come hell or high water.
On a better note I get along quite well with my 2 brothers, both of whom have since matured and one has taken notice of the "very different dynamics" still standing between me and Mom. I can see the best case scenario of at least partially bringing closure.
Meanwhile I will get the book: "You're Not Crazy It's Your Mother"
That seems to explain the wonky dynamics I grew up with and as scapegoat / lost child I was the target of incredibly evil actions on her part. Maybe I'll find it me to forgive her one day. When her time comes I will not shed a tear.
I now realize it's impossible to make her see the truth. Nobody can argue with a narcissist. That's why I was raised on sugar-coated lies, unbridled unfairness, and double standards. Back then I rebelled so at least there was some justification to the only consequence being punished so unjustifiably. Damned if I did, damned if I didn't, and it only added to all the acrimony. Her waking up and admitting to her deeds is wishful thinking at best.
It took all those decades for the ugly truth to reveal itself finally from behind the façade of glitter and glammer that had an undercurrent all along. Eureka!
All these years...
I now recognize the deadening effect it has had on me and the lack of self identity that I lived with all these years. Why would she want to ruin my life like that? Opportunities that she tore away from me have included romantic relationships that never were. Why?
I just realized something else: I don't love my mother any more, and now I'm not sure how I will continue to live my life with her so close by in my community. I will be the one expected to take care of her in her dusk years even though all 3 of my siblings make more than $500K a year. OTOH I stand firm on the decision I will have to make, and it will be flat out no, come hell or high water.
On a better note I get along quite well with my 2 brothers, both of whom have since matured and one has taken notice of the "very different dynamics" still standing between me and Mom. I can see the best case scenario of at least partially bringing closure.
Meanwhile I will get the book: "You're Not Crazy It's Your Mother"
