I lied to my boyfriend and now he won’t forgive me.

[Tricky]

So a few days ago, my partner and I were looking at pictures on my phone. I don’t mind because I really don’t have anything to hide on my phone, I even showed him my hidden folder where I had some n*des saved. He was looking through them and then asked me if I had sent any of my exes n*des. I got caught so off guard, I didn’t know what to say. So I lied. I was so afraid of his reaction and what he would think of me. Personally when I look back at my past, I feel disgust and wish I could erase it all. I lied really well and kept pushing the narrative that I had never done it. I even swore on Gods name. He became quite distant after that and I kept on asking him what was up. He later told me that he doesn’t believe me and then for the second time I lied again. I started feeling super guilty, and I was contemplating telling him the truth. I don’t lie in our relationship so it felt like I was carrying this huge weight on my chest. I decided to confess to him that I did lie and he became super angry. He said I had betrayed him by lying and that I ruined our relationship. He said that he deserves so much better and I’ve broken his trust. This all had happened in the span of one day. He has told me that I only have 3 chances and this was strike one and if I did two more things wrong, then I’m out. It made me feel really bad because I thought relationships were where you work through your problems and try and stick together no matter what. I haven’t been in many relationships and they haven’t lasted very long either so I’m not sure about what to do here.

Can someone please explain why he feels this way and what I can do to help things get better?

 

[HorribleCoffee]

I've been in a relationship like this and these ppl are great at making you feel like YOU set off their "button push".

You do realise tho that if you'd said yes in this case, he'd have just found another/ next issue to be the "button push" issue? You're stuck in a no-win and he's LOOKING for reasons to say no. It's a (shitty) game and you're playing into it without realising, imo.

Oh definitely. If it wasn't that, it would have been something else in the near future because he was 100% ready to nitpick and prove himself right that I was a horrible person. Sometimes I wonder whether it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

[OM_™]

Can someone please explain why he feels this way and what I can do to help things get better?

Not gonna tell you what to do because I think you got it about right where you said "I thought relationships were where you work through your problems and try to stick together no matter what"!

Look up some YouTube videos on Retroactive Jealousy and see how you feel about your situation.

I personally am being treated for CPTSD and MDD and have OCD and ADHD (both undiagnosed) and retroactive jealousy is a big thing for me with overactive OCD pictures in my head of my partner with her former lovers. Basically, I'm the one with the problem of self esteem because of CSA. I just want everything to be perfect and I know that most of us using this forum are somewhat broken.

I married my best friend almost 40 years ago and the love we feel for each other is unwavering. We have been together through thick and thin and we have always done what you said, we work through our problems. A little jealousy is often a healthy sign that you care about each other.

Nothing in life is perfect. Love is (yeah, sounds but there it is)!