I walked out on my therapy session today

[mrsps]

My T is retiring, I have been seeing her for over 3 years. We have had a pretty good relationship during this time, she has been like the mother I never had and someone to trust. Next week is her final week and I have been really upset as our final week gets closer, I am really attached to her and haven't wanted to part ways.
I have a new T lined up. I have had 2 meetings with this new T. After the first meeting I was not feeling confident that I wanted to work with her hence the 2nd meeting. My current T knew I wasn't feeling confident with this T after the first meeting and it was her who suggested going back for a second meeting. (not many choices of T's to choose from) So last week my T asked if I had arranged a session time with this new T for when we have finished up, which I replied that I had. She never asked any more about our second meeting, how it went, did I feel more comfortable with her etc and this bothered me. So when I saw my T today I said to her that she never asked how the meeting went. She replied that since I have an appointment booked I must be ok working with this new T. She doesn't need to know how it went.
I felt really hurt by this as I feel she doesn't care. She will be washing her hands of me soon and doesn't care who I see next. Hurt and anger came over me which meant I just shut down in the session, I sat there for a long time not being able to talk and half way through the session I said "I just want to go" to which my T replied if you want to go you can, so I got up and left.
I now don't even know if I want to go to my session next week, our last week, the last time I will ever be able to see her. I just cant get over the hurt from her not caring.
Anybody have any advise for me?

 

[Emotional girl]

@mrsps I feel for you so much.I am not in a exactly same position as you but very similar in that my therapy sessions are coming to a end soon and as hard as I try I can't help but see it as a abandonment and like my psychologist doesn't care about me.
I am very much in two minds whether to go to my final session or not because I am finding it so difficult to deal with.
For you ,I would say do you want your last memory of your T being the fact that you walked out of your session or do you want it to be able to say a proper goodbye ? I know that is a really difficult question to answer when you are hurting inside.
Have you had contact with your T since walking out ? I walked out of a session a couple of months ago and my T rang me straight away to see if I was ok and it mended a rift between us.
If it is possible to contact her before the next session then I would as you need to talk over why you felt the way you did and why you felt the need to walk out.
Good luck with whatever you chose to do and my thoughts are with you.

 

[mrsps]

Thanks for your reply @Emotional girl
Sorry to hear you are in the same position with therapy sessions coming to an end. It really does suck when you have formed an attachment and trust with someone. The therapy/ client relationship is so different from a normal relationship. I totally feel the abandonment.
I don't want our final goodbye to be me walking out on the session but do I really want to go back to say a proper goodbye to someone who doesn't care?
No have not had any contact with my T since walking out, I was also hurt in the fact she just let me go. Yes I could contact her but I am stubborn lol and also the fact I feel like there is nothing left between us. Why contact someone who doesn't care. Just feeling so hurt right now.
Once again thanks for your kind words

 

[Friday]

I felt really hurt by this as I feel she doesn't care. She will be washing her hands of me soon and doesn't care who I see next.

Does she usually have the worst possible motivation to things?

I can think of about 70-80 reasons why she didn’t ask about how your meeting went, none of which include not caring, or being thrilled with getting rid of you.

So does she have a history of being a cold, heartless c*nt... or could there be another reason why you’ve fixated on the one possible reason that would hurt you the most?

Like maybe because it is the reason that would hurt you the most? Or because you’re only “allowed” to end relationships if they’ve gone horribly wrong? Or because anger is easier than sadness? Or you want her to hurt like you’re hurting, by leaving before she’s ready for you to leave, like she’s leaving before you’re ready? Or as a control factor, yours not stopping therapy because she’s leaving, but because you quit? Or...

I can keep doing this all day. That 70 up above wasn’t a random number.

If you want to know what she really meant? You’re going to have to ask her.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @mrsps , not sure if this is helpful, you sound like you are feeling raw, abandoned and hurting. :( I don't have the experience you speak of, nor do I myself see anyone else filling a past role, but I do understand abandonment, grief, neglect, and rejection, at least as far as how they feel.

I know and you know it's not abandonment for her to make her choices, and her delivery may have been influenced by much, including feelings of guilt or even concern for you, even if it's unfounded guilt. But in another way, I do not know, she may also not feel much, as we never know and naturally base our perceptions on the actions and feedback, including choices, of others.

But I do know this much: I learned today that when we feel the feeling of mistrust, it actually prevents our brain from being able to 'think'. Which reminded me too, that that is the same scenario with a triggered reaction, during flight or fight (and maybe even freeze?, which just occurred to me now :wideeyed: - that freezing may be caused by not being able to 'think', and itself prevent thinking).

You know of the quality or lack, of the content of the last 3 years.

I do know however, that sense of abandonment or 'everyone leaves', may never fully resolve, or if it does I don't know the answer to it. Logically we can challenge it, but emotionally I very much wonder if abandonment or neglect's effects ever totally disappear (if they were experienced past, - not perceived but actual, when children or dependent). Nor, for just me, anyway, does the feeling of impending doom, across the board, whether it be inter-relationally, or materially, or any other capacity, ever fully disappear. Part expecting the worst, part fearing happiness.

So taking that (and any other consideration in to account) and maybe taking some time to just sleep on it may help?

ETA, as @Friday said above, you have interpreted what she said (or more so didn't) in a way she may or may not have meant. Do you feel you are being fair to her, and to yourself?

 

[Deleted member 47099]

I reckon maybe your T is trying to "disconnect emotionally" to allow you to disconnect emotionally from her and to move on.

It sounds rough and painful, but it could be that she is doing her best to find a way of dealing with the end of your therapy relationship.

Maybe she's trying to do that pull-a-bandaid-off-quick thing?

Yeah, it hurts.

 

[Rumors]

Why don't you say "wanna know how my session went?" or "I am really struggling with our time coming to an end." If you don't do that, someday you will have a regret. She does care and it's completely healthy and normal to miss her when she's gone.

 

[Changing4Best]

Maybe she is going to miss you too! She might not have wanted to talk about it for that reason, thinking about you being with another T. while she no longer gets to see you. Maybe she did not want to know for a reason like that.

 

[mylunareclipse]

I feel like I have to reply to this because I had the exact same experience. Two months ago my therapist of three years changed jobs and I couldn't see her anymore. I was devastated. We took a full three months to bring sessions to an end and it was really painful and difficult.
During this time we had one or two missattunements like you describe. In the last month or so I decided to share with my T an album of my childhood pics, we usually had a thing that after the session I would email her and 99% of the time she should email back in few hours.
Anyhow this time she didn't send an email. I waited for what felt like forever and it hurt even more because of the information I had shared during this session. I think even the little girl in me was feeling rejected. Eventually few days later she emailed saying that she thought she had sent a reply back but she hadn't. I didn't know if to go back or not. I felt like you like what's the point she doesn't care about me at all. I was so upset but on the other hand I had an attachment to her and couldn't imagine things ending this way.
So I went back though it was very difficult. We talked things out in the session and it was so healing. I expressed my anger and sadness and she was validating but also reminded me of how in the past she usually replied to be on time.
Anyhow, long story short I think you should go back! I totally understand how you're feeling. Being removed for a few months from this situation however, I would say that you are stuck probably is some form of transference and this one interaction does not erase the three years of good work you had with your t. It's hard right now as you really believe she doesn't care you believe it in every inch of your body. But if you can let yourself for just a moment to trust that your therapist does care and has for the last three years and show up at the last session I think it will be very healing for you. Express your feelings to her about you will miss her. Sending you hugs I know how badly you feel right now.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @mrsps - you are travelling through a difficult and painful phase right now. :hug:

it was her who suggested going back for a second meeting.

She cares and she demonstrated this by urging you to go back and have that second meeting.

my T replied if you want to go you can, so I got up and left.

She cares and she demonstrated this by not urging you to remain with her and she treated you like an adult who can and will make decisions that she will no longer be able to help you with.

I just cant get over the hurt from her not caring.

You are feeling hurt but do you truly think she does not care? Do you think she has dammed herself in your eyes for ever because she wants to retire? She has worked very successfully with you for three years. That is a long time. She obviously understands that this is difficult for you. It is likely difficult for her too.

Go back and sit with her. Tell her how much you have learned. How much better you are and how grateful you are that you met her when you needed her help.

The new therapist is an entirely new journey for you. Your retiring therapist cannot help you with how that goes. Not really. But even so, she would care and she is not 'washing her hands of you'. I think that might be coming from you more than her?

Leave on good terms and with good grace.

 

[Missycat]

i can understand your pain and hurt and feeling of abandonment .. yes its tough. I cant really add to the amazing insightful responses youve had above apart from to reitterate that you should ask her rather than assume how she feels / felt.
My therapy was coming to a natural end and approx 3 month before ending my t advised me she was relocating ... wham ! All the emotions ran through my body and i
know i started to behave quite difficult in session and my t was really caring and considerate in how she delivered the message! I still acted like a bratt! I left the session and emailed her to apologise to which she replied that no apology was neccessary and that she understood it was difficult for me and that we would talk about it at next session. It really helped with the ending.

 

[shimmerz]

since I have an appointment booked I must be ok working with this new T.

She is actually treating you like a competent adult.

Personally, I think that is the highest form of a compliment from a T.

Try and breathe that one in and out of your lungs. You. Competent. Which is very cool.

I hate regrets. I say go to your next appt with her and wish her the very best of luck in her endeavours. Thank her for all she has done for you. And if you can, thank her for treating you with dignity and respect in trusting your decision in taking on this new T.

I don't think it is ever a bad thing being treated as an adult who can make their own decisions. I mean, that is what therapy is all about, right? Congratulations on taking such a hugely positive step in directing your own healing!