Sorry, I'm notoriously awful at replying, I appreciate everyone's replies, just picked out a few quotes that I think kinda sum stuff up for me or that I want to clarify. Sorry it's taken me so long, I'm the actual worst.
"Getting past it" would mean ignoring the group in favour of your own opinon, all the time
I don't think I want to ignore the group in favour of myself, I'd just like to be aware of what myself *is*, so right now I'm ignoring myself, cos I dunno what I like/don't like/am/amn't. I think there's a balance there, just not sure I've found it.
IMHO, opinions are worth less than stances & values & acts.
Things that sway in the winds of time, vs the things that stay.
Being influenced by others doesnt make you a mindless drone. It makes you a well socialized, minding other people and considering the culture, human
Thanks. I kinda feel better knowing that my actual values and beliefs are static, like stuff that's worth fighting over I'm sure on, screwed if I know what food I like or owt though :laugh: Like I'm always sure on big things, I know my political/religious/ethical/etc. beliefs and am able to list them and back them, I just get muddled up in all the little things.
I oftentimes feel like “Pick a life, any life, I’ve lived too many lives.”
This is actually something I loved about travelling, just recreating myself. Like I was always me for the big things, but adaptable in every other area. Like reinventing myself every time I moved, and I've been here for 5 years nowish, but before now since I became an adult I moved every couple months.
I am just so freaking happy you can articulate it this way....you are much closer to the door than you realize.
Heh thanks. And you said a lot of stuff Grit, I'll look through it properly, I did when I first read it, but I dunno, I feel kinda confused right now again, so I'll have another read through. Appreciate your detailed response.
If confused, offended, or feel annoyed, please let me know
Not offended or annoyed, just confused is my baseline ;)
Those are easy to see because they are negative scenarios. But imagine when there is a good thing we learned from an abuser and we are so stuck of not doing that cause well my mother taught me to shower before bed or shower before school or something more fundamental like she was abusive to me but also told me often I was strong - hard to take both in and manage as a child let alone as an adult with PTSD.
Yeah, my independence is a pretty core part of me, and a part I value, but it's definitely come from neglect :laugh: My dad has been a big of a douche but has always said if we can fend for ourselves we're a success, and I may have taken independence a bit far, and it didn't come from a healthy place, but I'm also not sure it's totally unhealthy.
Abusive environments teach us to live outside in rather than inside out
Yeah, I think this sums it up, like constantly looking at the people around me for what I'm "meant" to say, and these days there isn't really a "should", people are just curious or whatever, but I still keep trying to find some kind of right answer.
Until someone I respect pointed out to me that trusting everyone was exactly the same as trusting no one
Yeah, I don't really trust people. So I fake trust cos I "should" trust (my close friends who have proven themselves and therefore might get offended if I didn't trust them) or I don't trust (basically everyone else tbh). It's still trusting everyone equally, just pretending it's not :laugh:
