I'm Extremely Afraid Of The Future

[Ocuvem]

I have been diagnosed with PSTD and BPD.

I don't really understand where this horrible fear of the future comes from as my PTSD is due to sexual assault and while I am very afraid of it happening again it dosent really connect to all of these other fears.

I spend my days worrying about future war, ISIS, robots taking jobs or taking over the world, pollution, the California drought, whether vegans will one day make owning/riding my horse illegal (crazy I know). The finest news story, online article etc sends me into an insane spiral of worry and trying to convince myself than everything will be ok.

I grew up in a Christian school that showed countless videos of the book of Revelation, the apocalypse etc. and thats when a lot of my fear of the future and world started because every bad piece of news to me was a sign of the end. Even though I don't believe anymore it is still stuck in the back of my mind.

I get so scared that have stopped having ambition or dreams because I feel like it docent make sense to pursue them when the future is so horrible.

I'm afraid of telling my therapist because I feel insane and I can't imagine how all this sounds to other people.

 

[Wocuj]

You don't sound insane at all. I have GAD, and recognize a lot of the stuff you're describing - I worry a lot about everything, even when I know it's irrational. Not saying you necessarily have generalized anxiety too, just wanted to let you know that excessive worrying doesn't mean you're insane. And I'm positive that your therapist have had other patients with similar symptoms, so I'd recommend talking to him/her about it :)

With that said, "a sense of foreshortened future" is one of the symptoms of trauma, and might be relevant you your question as well.

A sense of foreshortened future involves a cluster of interrelated judgments regarding what the future most likely holds, such as “I will die young,” “I will not have a family,” and “I will not have a successful career.” These either comprise or originate in a more general evaluation of future events, the content of which is something like “bad things are going to happen to me and good things are not going to happen to me.”

 

[Inik]

It's common w/ PTSD to feel overwhelmed by thoughts of the future or the past. Very common. They sort of get jumbled together. I would suggest searching the web for info on mindfulness and grounding. And on breathing.

In a nutshell, these techniques help you focus on the real present.

For example, go someplace nice if you can and name 10 objects around you, like mountain, tree, bush, rock, water...whatever. Then do it again. Then take 10 deep breaths, slowly in and out, not hyperventilating. Then do 10 more.

Something that helped me was to open a page in my journal / diary / notebook and draw a diagram. It was basically a mess of circled words, phrases, etc. A couple of pyramids. Some arrows pointing to each other. All these were positive ideas and just looking at that page made me remember things that have helped in the past.

Anxiety is a big issue w/ PTSD. And when we're anxious, our breath becomes shallow and constrained. So the breathing exercise opens up the lungs and gets the body to function normally, as if it weren't suffering from anxiety. Just breathing alone might help settle you down.

Lastly, its interesting that you should mention revelations. Consider the possibility that it was written with the intention of frightening people. Don't let them win.

 

[Upuwof]

I think the book of Revelation is metaphorical. It's message is actually meant to be positive, not gruesome/ terrifying.