I just want to apologize for the long post, I honestly appreciate you taking the time to read this. I need opinions, and although I know you don't know me or the situation personally, I am hoping to gain some insight.
My parents divorced when I was three, and I haven't seen my father since. My mother has never really done motherly duties. As a small child, she was always going to the bar, bringing home random men, etc... When she would go out, her mother and her step-father would babysit myself and my siblings. When I was 9-10, I went to live with her parents for good. From the ages of 5-10, my grandfather (my mother's step-dad) would molest me, and from 10-15, he violated me on a nightly basis (my grandmother went to work at 3AM). Even through my begs for him not to hurt me, and my tears...he still would.
In the mornings, he would make me oatmeal in a huge wooden bowl and it would be filled through to the top. He would make me sit across the kitchen table and eat with him. I would get so full, and could not eat anymore but he would glare at me until I did. Many times I would gag, or vomit. If I did, he would hit me across the forehead with a full-fist. Because of this, I have had major PTSD in the past, and extreme anxiety while eating with people that I don't know well, and sometimes, being in a restaurant that is busy will make me sick to my stomach. However, I feel as if I am slowly growing out of that.
When I told my grandmother, what her husband had been doing...she beat him in their garage with a piece of wood. She came back into the home and told me that she was going to take care of the situation. She never called the police, or authority. She let him live there. And, although after I told her he never violated me via molestation, he would take any chance to glare at me, or make comments such as "you can't keep a secret". Throughout that year, I asked my grandmother many times why she never called the police - and that was the reason why I told her. She told me that he had sexual abused MY mother, and he did time in prison for it back in the 1980's. However, he went through some "cure treatment" program, so she took him back. In 2003, I was sixteen and my mother was over at my grandmother's house. By this time, my mother and I really didn't have much contact due to her own choice. An argument broke out consisting of myself, my grandfather, my grandmother and my mother. It was about the molestation. My grandfather got up, went into my grandparent's bedroom and committed suicide by shot-gun point blank.
A year later, when I was in 11th grade in high school, I became pregnant. I had my daughter my 12th grade year, at the age of 17. My mother since then had moved across the country, and I spoke to her on few occasion. The father of the baby was only an 11th grader at the time, so the only other person I had to watch my child was my grandmother. She watched the baby, and I graduated from high school. After high school, I went to college, worked at my daughter went to daycare. I had moved out at this moment. When my daughter was almost a year, I met a guy who I had known through high school. I was deeply in love, and we dated for seven months and we had been talking about getting engaged. I was 19 at this time, I had a child with him, and than he left me for another woman. I had no other choice, but to beg my grandmother to let us live with her, since I had no other place to go. Since than, I had finished a college diploma in a tech program, worked, and also went back to college to advance my college education. I paid for my own bills, my own car insurance, my own gas, mine and my children's own food, etc... I mostly took care of them, and when I didn't I usually was only gone an hour to two and that usually was for me to run on quick errands or spend some adult time with a friend and her husband and that usually was just going to a movie or walking around in the mall. Even than, my grandmother is a very mean person who is a physical, verbal and emotional bully. The absolute only reason why me and my children were living with her is because I knew how important an education was, and I honestly had no other support system.
Now, at the age of 25, I met a wonderful guy through the internet, and we ended up getting married. Because he lived in a different state than I did, and that I felt my mother really hasn't been involved and my grandma has been very mean, I decided a small, private wedding - just us, was sufficient. Because my husband is from a few states away than what I was from, I came here two weeks before my children so I could get my new home set up for them. I understand now what a big mistake that was and that I should of just taken the children from the get-go. I had a notarized statement created that says that I would be away setting up a new home for the children and that I would be back to get them soon. That I gave my grandmother permission to make medical choices for them if need be. The fathers of the children are not very involved, so they knew, and were okay with the relocation. I went back up to my home state to get my children, and my grandmother went behind my back, got a lawyer and filed for full custody of my children, plus, her lawyer was able to get a judge to sign off on a temporary custody until our hearing. I have a lawyer, and the hearing is very soon. My grandmother's affidavit is full of lies, half-truths and no evidence except for total hearsay. My lawyer has overwhelming evidence that proves that she IS in fact, lying. Coincidentally, my mother who was happy for my new marriage and talked to me on the phone constantly...moved across the country and is now living with my grandma. My grandma has told nasty, untrue things about me to many, many people...including the fathers of my children. She is working on them with her lies in case she doesn't get custody of my children.
My lawyer says there is no reason why the judge won't dismiss this, and just give me back my children. When that happens, I was thinking of writing my family members individually (my grandmother; mother, etc). I feel like disowning them. I feel as if my mother has totally FAILED to protect any of her children. She didn't do it when I was a child, and she still hasn't now. She hasn't told my grandma "enough is enough with your bully ways", and I don't think she ever will. I am just wondering, for those of you who have PTSD, what would your next step be? I've talked to a lawyer about getting a protection order, but until my grandma actually starts doing stuff when i get the kids back, there is nothing I can do. Would you disown your grandma and mom if you were me? Would you just drift away and not call/write or answer any phone calls? Or would you write them and tell them how you feel about all this? I'm just so confused and not sure exactly how I should handle this. My grandma is just so toxic, she just enforces my PTSD. Thank you.
My parents divorced when I was three, and I haven't seen my father since. My mother has never really done motherly duties. As a small child, she was always going to the bar, bringing home random men, etc... When she would go out, her mother and her step-father would babysit myself and my siblings. When I was 9-10, I went to live with her parents for good. From the ages of 5-10, my grandfather (my mother's step-dad) would molest me, and from 10-15, he violated me on a nightly basis (my grandmother went to work at 3AM). Even through my begs for him not to hurt me, and my tears...he still would.
In the mornings, he would make me oatmeal in a huge wooden bowl and it would be filled through to the top. He would make me sit across the kitchen table and eat with him. I would get so full, and could not eat anymore but he would glare at me until I did. Many times I would gag, or vomit. If I did, he would hit me across the forehead with a full-fist. Because of this, I have had major PTSD in the past, and extreme anxiety while eating with people that I don't know well, and sometimes, being in a restaurant that is busy will make me sick to my stomach. However, I feel as if I am slowly growing out of that.
When I told my grandmother, what her husband had been doing...she beat him in their garage with a piece of wood. She came back into the home and told me that she was going to take care of the situation. She never called the police, or authority. She let him live there. And, although after I told her he never violated me via molestation, he would take any chance to glare at me, or make comments such as "you can't keep a secret". Throughout that year, I asked my grandmother many times why she never called the police - and that was the reason why I told her. She told me that he had sexual abused MY mother, and he did time in prison for it back in the 1980's. However, he went through some "cure treatment" program, so she took him back. In 2003, I was sixteen and my mother was over at my grandmother's house. By this time, my mother and I really didn't have much contact due to her own choice. An argument broke out consisting of myself, my grandfather, my grandmother and my mother. It was about the molestation. My grandfather got up, went into my grandparent's bedroom and committed suicide by shot-gun point blank.
A year later, when I was in 11th grade in high school, I became pregnant. I had my daughter my 12th grade year, at the age of 17. My mother since then had moved across the country, and I spoke to her on few occasion. The father of the baby was only an 11th grader at the time, so the only other person I had to watch my child was my grandmother. She watched the baby, and I graduated from high school. After high school, I went to college, worked at my daughter went to daycare. I had moved out at this moment. When my daughter was almost a year, I met a guy who I had known through high school. I was deeply in love, and we dated for seven months and we had been talking about getting engaged. I was 19 at this time, I had a child with him, and than he left me for another woman. I had no other choice, but to beg my grandmother to let us live with her, since I had no other place to go. Since than, I had finished a college diploma in a tech program, worked, and also went back to college to advance my college education. I paid for my own bills, my own car insurance, my own gas, mine and my children's own food, etc... I mostly took care of them, and when I didn't I usually was only gone an hour to two and that usually was for me to run on quick errands or spend some adult time with a friend and her husband and that usually was just going to a movie or walking around in the mall. Even than, my grandmother is a very mean person who is a physical, verbal and emotional bully. The absolute only reason why me and my children were living with her is because I knew how important an education was, and I honestly had no other support system.
Now, at the age of 25, I met a wonderful guy through the internet, and we ended up getting married. Because he lived in a different state than I did, and that I felt my mother really hasn't been involved and my grandma has been very mean, I decided a small, private wedding - just us, was sufficient. Because my husband is from a few states away than what I was from, I came here two weeks before my children so I could get my new home set up for them. I understand now what a big mistake that was and that I should of just taken the children from the get-go. I had a notarized statement created that says that I would be away setting up a new home for the children and that I would be back to get them soon. That I gave my grandmother permission to make medical choices for them if need be. The fathers of the children are not very involved, so they knew, and were okay with the relocation. I went back up to my home state to get my children, and my grandmother went behind my back, got a lawyer and filed for full custody of my children, plus, her lawyer was able to get a judge to sign off on a temporary custody until our hearing. I have a lawyer, and the hearing is very soon. My grandmother's affidavit is full of lies, half-truths and no evidence except for total hearsay. My lawyer has overwhelming evidence that proves that she IS in fact, lying. Coincidentally, my mother who was happy for my new marriage and talked to me on the phone constantly...moved across the country and is now living with my grandma. My grandma has told nasty, untrue things about me to many, many people...including the fathers of my children. She is working on them with her lies in case she doesn't get custody of my children.
My lawyer says there is no reason why the judge won't dismiss this, and just give me back my children. When that happens, I was thinking of writing my family members individually (my grandmother; mother, etc). I feel like disowning them. I feel as if my mother has totally FAILED to protect any of her children. She didn't do it when I was a child, and she still hasn't now. She hasn't told my grandma "enough is enough with your bully ways", and I don't think she ever will. I am just wondering, for those of you who have PTSD, what would your next step be? I've talked to a lawyer about getting a protection order, but until my grandma actually starts doing stuff when i get the kids back, there is nothing I can do. Would you disown your grandma and mom if you were me? Would you just drift away and not call/write or answer any phone calls? Or would you write them and tell them how you feel about all this? I'm just so confused and not sure exactly how I should handle this. My grandma is just so toxic, she just enforces my PTSD. Thank you.
