I'm Still Learning About All This So Bear With Me

[Gs172003]

I read a thread earlier that gave a warning then gave an idea how to deal with intimacy issues. I read it thinking I'd be fine but I wasn't. I grounded myself but afterwards I felt like I had just been intimate ( not physically but emotionally if that makes sense. Like how I feel after its over.That is the safest way for me to say it right now). Is that normal for someone like me or am I just crazy??

 

[Gs172003]

Lord I just reread that and what a ramble.


After I read the idea, I felt like I had just been intimate and felt awful.

Does that make any sense?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Yeah that makes sense. Emotions can make you feel crazy ways.

 

[Abstract]

I think what you might mean is that you read about something that would physically (intimacy) be a trigger for you usually (if you were physically doing it) and it made you feel like you do when you have the physical experience, Is that right? When you say emotionally you mean because you are reading about it and not experiencing it first hand. You feel difficult emotions when you experience this physically and when you read about it you had those emotions too. I won't be more graphic as it seems its a hot spot for you right now.

If I am right then do you yet have an understanding of what triggers are? There are a couple of articals on the site if you look. I'm a little out of touch but maybe someone will be kind enough to post a link.

Something you physically experience can trigger re experiencing the past in certain ways (sometimes just emotions one felt then) sometimes it can be something we read, think about, smell, see etc that brings on that re experiencing.

Difficulty after intimacy or during is often because we are triggered to some extent. Thinking reading or other reminders can bring up the same thing.

I may be way off the mark in understanding what you meant of course and if so please ignore! If I did understand then yes its absolutely understand and a normal reaction for someone with PTSD.

 

[Gs172003]

I think what you might mean is that you read about something that would physically (intimacy) be a trig...

Yes I understand triggers. I had to stop reading your post partway through. I'm sorry.

What I don't understand is what's happening. I didn't feel the act. What I felt was how I feel "after". I can't explain better because I can't handle it right now.

 

[Gs172003]

Panic

 

[Abstract]

Emotionally, physically? Are you separating the emotions you would have at various time points or separating emotions from other aspects of tthings? Sorry if I am setting you off further. If you are still very wobbly it might be better to step away from everything and do plenty of grounding and self care and then come back and discuss once things have settled a bit.

 

[Gs172003]

I've calmed down but I can't answer your questions and I'm not sure why. I'm sorry.

 

[Gs172003]

Abstract I'm sorry I reacted so badly

 

[Abstract]

Nothing to apologise for at all Zoogal. I hope you feel better soon. Nothing is ever a pressure and doing things at your pace is important. Its about your healing and nothing else.

 

[Gs172003]

Nothing to apologise for at all Zoogal. I hope you feel better soon. Nothing is ever a pressure and doi...

Thank you

 

[Friday]

Even when I'm not triggered, having to think about the ins ands outs of this disorder and trauma tend to do my head in. If I'm thinking about disassociation, I tend to either dissociate more, or start catching myself before I disassociate.

(Trick: Try and pay attention to what happens right before you dissociate :p Doest work for everyone, but it tends to interrupt the process. Dead stop it, sometimes. Even when that doesn't exactly work? Over time it let me see the tumblers in that particular lock.)

But similar things are true -I've found- for everything.

Before I was really aware : When I was in school I would actually get up and walk out if certain topics were even brushed on. There was a very open vet in one of my classes, I transferred out.

Now that I'm actually trying to sort shit? : When reading books on PTSD? I can't download them... Because I have a pernicious habit of throwing them at walls, and have in fact thrown my tablet. I stay out of the 3 forums (and most threads) where 2 of my traumas (and 1 ancillary thing that isn't mine, but hits too close to home for comfort) are "kept" unless I have coping mechanisms in places to deal with the fallout, because there will be fallout.

Most of this is probably logged under 'avoidance'. Regardless, it pisses me off. So I keep f*cking with it, until it stops provoking a reaction.