Iraq And Afghanistan Vet That Feels Like He Has Lost His Mind

[SemperFi26]

Hello my name is zack I served a 4 yearst in the marines. I was deployed to Iraq in 2006 first then Afghanistan in 2008. I was diagnosed with ptsd back in 2009. Everyday I just feel like everything is falling apart. I am married and no kids but I do attend college and that is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I feel like an outcast and that there is no way out. I do have some what understanding family, which I am very thankful for, but at times I don't think they really understand the things that run through my mind on a daily bases. Some days I feel like I am losing a battle with my mind and some days I just want to quit and say f*ck it i am done. I am tired of watching my back in public places and home, I am tired of seeing glimpses of the past that I do not wish to remember. The hardest time of the day for me is the night time. That is when all hell breaks loose for me, with the nightmares and the fear of being not safe in my own house. Also when I am in public I feel like I feel like a totally different person, that everyone is watching my every move, that no one can be trusted. Everyday just feels like a losing battle and I don't feel like that VA can relate at all cause they haven't seen the things I have. I also feel like I have no where else to turn to anymore. I am just tired of the panic and pain and being mentally tired.

 

[Ned]

Every day is a battle you've won. I know it's no fun coming home and waiting for the night, I spent the first few years after leaving the mob, expecting a raid every night. And I was in the middle of nowhere, totally safe.
You are not an outcast, you've just gone a lot further than most people around you, they don't know that level of concentration or that singularity of purpose. There is a lot of good advice on this site about analyzing and reducing the apparent threats in everyday life. It works, too.
It's the same with the Vet support in the UK, often they miss the target, so give'em a bit of coaching yourself.
Good luck Zack.

 

[Zipperhead]

Welcome Zack. Our family is a bit disfunctional, but we still are here for each other, even the Navy Plugs.

 

[SemperFi26]

Thanks for the kind words my brothers, hopefully this place will finally let me be able to get these things of my chest and I can slowly start to feel better.

 

[K-9 Al]

Welcome brother! I too suffer from anxiety getting horribly worse at night. Its like as the sun goes down i can feel myself getting more nad more nervous adn the anxiety rises.

Welcome to the family! Vent,bitch, moan, praise, talk all you want...we are here for you

 

[Sarg]

Ditto, what everyone said! Welcome Brother!

Sarg

 

[abnvet]

Welcome Zack. It takes time brother and even with time things may not seem 100%. Don't be to hard on yourself. You've done much and deserve much. Do you know of people/friends you can talk with? Veteran groups - VFW, Iraq and Afganistant Veterans of America, etc.

 

[reddevil1111]

Semper Fi Zach!
Stick with it and things will get better. Just try to realize that you will need a lot of time and work to get some change in feelings and stopping the nighmares. I have them still after 20 years. Some days are good, some days suck. Try to stay motovated and thank god you have a good family support base to help. -Dan

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome buddy

 

[Fargo1]

Zack,

Welcome brother! We have your flanks and rear covered, just keep looking forward.