Is A 5 Minute Warning Too Much To Ask?

[Nicolette]

I find the same with even Doctors. I remember walking into one after being beaten by my ex and I was at breaking point and in tears. He told me he had no more time and to book another appointment and come back.... I walked out thinking no wonder some people kill themselves.

That being said my current T is awesome and has never let me walk out the room distressed. It is for that very reason I am never frustrated or impatient if they are running late for my appointment with me. On the odd occasion my appointment time was cut short with me being fine, I also try and remember the times when I was given more and respect it is a give/take situation on both sides as otherwise a therapist would never get home.

 

[tphillips117]

I just have to have to have a conversation with him. I plan to do that on Wed. I don't feel like it would be fair to just up and leave without making an effort to save this. I want to be able to walk away and know that I tried everything to save this before I commit to someone else. I'm not sure if that's the right thing or not, but it's what I'm going to do. I really appreciate everyone's feedback as I wasn't sure if I was overreacting or not. So thank you!

 

[fairywings]

I raised h*ll at a doctors because the time was up but my needs were not addressed. That was a family doctor now he respects me. But I realize I took a chance yelling at them ;) With a therapist I have to feel like we are making progress and he cares. Otherwise, what is the point of even showing up??
I would look for another therapist if I were you.
And back to the time limit thing ...I still hate it!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, I am late to this conversation. A therapist once told me that we are not supposed to dissociate and the only time we do that is when we are feeling unsafe. So I think you were getting a reading on this guy that was in your gut instincts. I say trust yourself. You are telling yourself the truth about what he did to you.

I think mabe it would be good if you did not see this guy again. Just my opinion for what it is worth. I think you need a more compassionate therapist. Who knows why the guy is a therapist in the first place.

You are not a freak. I do not like getting stared at. This guy sounds really intimadating. Does he make you feel like a freak? Then he is not the one for you. I have had really bad therapists. It is better to ditch the bad ones fast, and not waste your money, energy, or time on.

It is experience you have gained, there is nothing wrong with you. I do not think a conversation with this guy would fix the problem. He is cold. I would worry that he was more watching the clock than listening to me pour my heart out. You are not crazy, and you are not imagining things about this guy.

Please be gentle on yourself and do not beat up on yourself. Be thankful he gave himself away before you tell him anything more. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

Good luck in whatever you decide. Hugs.

 

[tphillips117]

I'm not taking about an extra 5 minutes, I'm just talking about a 5 minute warning. Just so I don't feel like I just had a really revealing moment only to get kicked out to the street which is exactly what happened. He didn't even ask me if I was ok. Nothing, just get out was what he said with his words and actions. This is not ok with me, and we are going to address it.

 

[tphillips117]

Aww, Gizmo, thank you! That means a lot. I feel so sad. Isn't that crazy? I've been through a lot and his reaction (and reactions he's had before that) have caused me to doubt I could trust him. I didn't want to reveal anything to him. I was really holding out. He's not given me a reason to trust him nor not to trust him. I forced myself to say something because I didn't want to disappoint him. I regretted it immediately.

I think I've mildly dissociated before. This was different. This was scary. I lost my peripheral vision, I lost my ability to hear clearly, and I lost touch with the present, my emotions and my surroundings. I'm sure I was just staring off in space, not saying anything. He didn't talk to me, I think he just sat there and stared at me. What should he have done? It is my fault that this happened? Did I in fact dissociate or was it something else? It scared me-- badly! I'm just so confused why he wouldn't support me through that. Maybe he thought I was faking it, who knows.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are going by your instincts now. Don't you feel better. I was trained to doubt myself and I made myself crazy trying to figure out crazymaking people and the games they would play. I was too naive, gullible, vulnerable and desperately needy a very bad combination. Then I would beat myself up for being those things. So I hope you are being kind to yourself, you have already been through enough.

I think he needed too be there for you, and showed an inkling of understanding that this was hard for you to talk about. Instead he said something triggering to me. I would not have felt good either if that had happened to me.

It is not your fault this happened. The fault lies with him, he is the one supposed to be helping you. It is a crazymaking experience. Of course you are going to feel confused. I do not know what is wrong withhim, but he does not have any compassion. The therapist I have is very compassionate when I tell her things that are hard. she has it in her expression. She is a very compassionate therapist.

I would not speculate about what he thought or believed, only he can know what is going on in his head. You were not faking it, you needed some real help and support. He couldve told you that the next time you came in you would work on it some more. And he could've asked you if you were ok.

He does not have any empathy or compassion. Who knows why he is there? But he sent you into a tailspin, one I am very familiar with. I know how that feels and I hate how it makes me feel. My heart goes out to you. I really wish you the very best on this one. Hugs.

 

[shell]

I've had the tunnel vision thing, where every thing gets small, my ears buzz, while watching something on tv that had someone being threatened or killed with knives.

I was really triggered and next thing I know I couldn't see or hear the tv, and it looked like everything was far away and small.

It can happen during depersonalization a form of dissociation, or panic attacks, walking and breathing correctly helps me when I feel it coming on. If I'm feeling threatened I move away from the source, and ground myself.

When I was feeling really threatened during therapy, I was dissociating as I walked in the door, and would stay disconnected during my whole session. I found a new therapist, the connection just wasn't there, and I was feeling threatened the whole time.

It was my first time talking about my trauma, it felt really threatening. I just needed to feel less pressured, and more supported. The first thing the new therapist pointed out was how shallow I was breathing and helped me get the anxiety under control, before I even discussed anything.

If you feel threatened about talking to him, write it down and hand it to him. I struggle to talk all of the time, I haven't found it got any easier but that's just me, because I can't trust others. He helps me when he can see I'm struggling to talk, having the feedback and support makes such a difference.

 

[tphillips117]

Thanks. I'm going to talk to him and see what happens. Either way, things cannot go on like this! Hopefully I can get the courage to just lay it all out there. I now have a very defined agenda.

 

[Philippa]

This makes me feel really lucky and grateful to have found a therapist who recognises the importance of grounding after a session.

It realy sounds like he couldn't give two hoots about you, sorry to say.

I got the impression though that perhaps you bringing up some stuff may have made HIM feel uncomfortable? If he is so out of touch with his own emotions...which isn't uncommon for many males especially, then it's possible you triggered something in him that he didn't want to go into and just ended the session instead.

He was pretty callous to let you go in that state.

I'd definitely start looking for someone else if I were in your shoes.