Is It Me With The Problem Or Her

[IamFree]

What you describe is for me also a difficult situation. I'll describe me, perhaps you might relate to...

I read your post more carefully today. Being honest with myself I think what I needed in the relationship was to caretake and rescue ..I picked up quite quickly that she was is a lady with problems...my mother was also a lady with problems and we had a reversed adult child relationship

 

[IamFree]

the detaching is going quite well its not easy though as she is trying her best to establish energetic cords I have just been having some flexible boundaries and being nice for getting the job done together there was a moment today I got sucked back in a little and she almost immediately went back into default setting. It seems she can only relate to me in terms of power ,control, and manipulation but I can understand that's more to do with whats going on with her than me...just need to keep up with the detaching..I am learning from this that setting boundaries is not a clear cut overnight process if you want to do it right.

 

[GrayOwl]

I would agree.
And based on changes that are ongoing in my life and relationships it is an ongoing process that always requires vigilance and adjustment. Learning to "walk the walk" not just "talk the talk"" applies to me completely as well. Changing ingrained habits does take time and effort I am finding.......
Best of luck with your endeavors!