S
Spouce with cptsd
My wife and I have been together for 7 years now. When we first got together it was right before Covid and she was honest right from the start that her upbringing was far from normal.
She was isolated, starved, her dad a drug addicted abandoned their family when she was young and her mom started to date one of the family members ex husbands. They later all lived together in poverty squatting in various houses. This along with various relationships where how she was raised into adult hood. As a young adult she experienced Domestic abuse as well, this had me really feeling for her.
I wanted to save her and I know looking back that’s not right, but that is the truth. I saw her beautiful, hurt, and just needing love.
My upbringing couldn’t be further from that. I grew up with my grandparents and parents. We were more than financially stable and I grew up with normal amounts of trauma.
She was my first real relationship and she really took interest in me and saw me through and through. I’ve never been wanted or seen in that kind of way. I had fallen in love like that with other women and when I saw how attentive she was with me it made me feel loved for the first time.
however there were some red flags during our honey moon phase. I would get yelled at if I didn’t say something with “respect” or if I wasn’t being transparent with my communication. I was used to living very carefree, and she never had that luxury. This was something that would always get brought up.
During the pandemic she felt very unsafe at work as the were not making sure she worked in a clean environment and so I told her I would take care of her bills while she found a new job. Take some time off, well during her time off she finally was able to grieve and she fell into a debilitating depression. She couldn’t get up or apply for jobs and so I took care of everything for the first time in my life, alone. My family was upset about this and felt like she was using me. TBH I’m not sure if it was both. I know she was depressed but I also know that when I would bring up how I was struggling to make ends meet she would yell at me and tell me to figure it out or she would leave me for someone who knows how to figure it out.
I rose to the occasion and learned how to make more money and take care of us. Not with a lot of bumps along the way. I lost a few jobs, friends, and contact with my family.
Fast forward to now and she’s in school now and working part time. She just yelled at me the other day because I went out with coworkers and asked her to pick me up so I wouldn’t drink and drive. I ordered the uber and the uber took her to the wrong restaurant. and I feel taken back all the way to the beginning.
I’ve done so much for us to be successful and all I ask is for her to change her reaction when she feels upset about something. Am I delusional thinking she can change?
This yelling always happens because of something small triggering her and it will make us upset with each other for a day or two. She just started to apologize to me and I tell her how this makes me feel distant.
Can someone with cptsd change? I fear that even if she does I know am left with memories from how she used to treat me and I won’t know how to let that go?
Or what if we divorce and now she’s treats someone the way I always wished things were for us?
She was isolated, starved, her dad a drug addicted abandoned their family when she was young and her mom started to date one of the family members ex husbands. They later all lived together in poverty squatting in various houses. This along with various relationships where how she was raised into adult hood. As a young adult she experienced Domestic abuse as well, this had me really feeling for her.
I wanted to save her and I know looking back that’s not right, but that is the truth. I saw her beautiful, hurt, and just needing love.
My upbringing couldn’t be further from that. I grew up with my grandparents and parents. We were more than financially stable and I grew up with normal amounts of trauma.
She was my first real relationship and she really took interest in me and saw me through and through. I’ve never been wanted or seen in that kind of way. I had fallen in love like that with other women and when I saw how attentive she was with me it made me feel loved for the first time.
however there were some red flags during our honey moon phase. I would get yelled at if I didn’t say something with “respect” or if I wasn’t being transparent with my communication. I was used to living very carefree, and she never had that luxury. This was something that would always get brought up.
During the pandemic she felt very unsafe at work as the were not making sure she worked in a clean environment and so I told her I would take care of her bills while she found a new job. Take some time off, well during her time off she finally was able to grieve and she fell into a debilitating depression. She couldn’t get up or apply for jobs and so I took care of everything for the first time in my life, alone. My family was upset about this and felt like she was using me. TBH I’m not sure if it was both. I know she was depressed but I also know that when I would bring up how I was struggling to make ends meet she would yell at me and tell me to figure it out or she would leave me for someone who knows how to figure it out.
I rose to the occasion and learned how to make more money and take care of us. Not with a lot of bumps along the way. I lost a few jobs, friends, and contact with my family.
Fast forward to now and she’s in school now and working part time. She just yelled at me the other day because I went out with coworkers and asked her to pick me up so I wouldn’t drink and drive. I ordered the uber and the uber took her to the wrong restaurant. and I feel taken back all the way to the beginning.
I’ve done so much for us to be successful and all I ask is for her to change her reaction when she feels upset about something. Am I delusional thinking she can change?
This yelling always happens because of something small triggering her and it will make us upset with each other for a day or two. She just started to apologize to me and I tell her how this makes me feel distant.
Can someone with cptsd change? I fear that even if she does I know am left with memories from how she used to treat me and I won’t know how to let that go?
Or what if we divorce and now she’s treats someone the way I always wished things were for us?
