Also, I can say I personally use anything I can possibly lay my hands on to express my self hatred and self abuse. I see others doing that too. If it can be used against me then I use it against me. Much improved now but a work in progress.
I think that often happens as a side effect of abuse or assault. Someone empties their rage, contempt, hatred onto us and we continue holding it after and expressing it in a variety of ways. Often aimed at self. Especially for those who are preoccupied with not harming others as their main underlying thought in life. From what you have said before it seems to me your husband falls into that personality type. I can't help but liking quite a lot about him from descriptions.
It seems this internalisation and expression of these terrible feelings also happens as a side effect of adults being exposed to hatred violence and aggression. All the shame, despair and disillusionment looks for a way to express itself and ammunition to do so. The concept of someone shamming, using the diagnoses for gain instead of being deserving of compassion and help? Another way to express all those awful internalised feelings, thoughts and emotions.
I feel bad therefore I am bad.
I think that often happens as a side effect of abuse or assault. Someone empties their rage, contempt, hatred onto us and we continue holding it after and expressing it in a variety of ways. Often aimed at self. Especially for those who are preoccupied with not harming others as their main underlying thought in life. From what you have said before it seems to me your husband falls into that personality type. I can't help but liking quite a lot about him from descriptions.
It seems this internalisation and expression of these terrible feelings also happens as a side effect of adults being exposed to hatred violence and aggression. All the shame, despair and disillusionment looks for a way to express itself and ammunition to do so. The concept of someone shamming, using the diagnoses for gain instead of being deserving of compassion and help? Another way to express all those awful internalised feelings, thoughts and emotions.
I feel bad therefore I am bad.
