Is It Normal To Shutdown For Long Periods Of Time?

[georgie1668]

Hi

I am a carer - hope you don't mind me dropping in - I get a lot of really helpful advice and pointers from your posts. Anyway had a question, in your experience is it normal for someone with PTSD to shutdown for long periods of time - I know about dissassociation - but I mean when there is very limited contact - is this a coping mechanism? or is there something else going on??

I am just struggling with my sufferer at the moment and wondering what to do - he spent a week in hospital just over two months ago and since then have only met him once with about two phonecalls and very sporadic texts. I don't really know what to do - I really care about him but feel at a loss. He has had to recently change his meds as the new ones really affected him badly - I don't know what they are - he also refuses to go to therapy.

Any advice, information, pointers would be so welcome.

Yours sadly

 

[helena]

Hi Georgie,

I'm a carer too and always posting on the wrong section/in the wrong thread but no one seems to mind too much.

As for your question, yes I believe that it is very common from what I have read and experienced with my own sufferer.

The need for isolation can be almost overpowering so, in my sufferer's case, if he could not get away he has (in the past) just curled up in bed with the duvet over his head for days.

All the while he would look at me as I walked in the room, his eyes almost apologising because he just had no control. It used to break my heart because there was nothing I could do other than make sure he ate/drank something.

Then, magically, he would just get up, energy resumed and return back to living life again. Crisis over.

He could never talk about what happened, or where he 'went' but I figure it was the effect of too many flashbacks.

It hasn't happened for a long time. He still tends to 'isolate' when things are rough but never shuts me out completely, not anymore at least - always rings to tell me that he needs some space and/or has to 'get his head' back.

I need space too (like most people) but it isn't like ptsd space - hard to describe to anyone outside this world but once you have seen it you kind of know that this is different.

With your own sufferer, he is likely to be in a very bad place right now so, yes, isolation, pushing you away I think is predictable behaviour at this point. Hard for you, but he can come out of it.

Hope this helps until someone more knowledgeable comes along.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

I'm a sufferer - fortunately (so far) I haven't dropped off the face of the earth so to speak. Honestly, it's because of my children - it has always kept me a bit grounded.

However, I can still "disappear" even though I am still living in the same house as everyone, just because I'm physically there - does not mean I'm emotionally there. (I hope this makes some sense).

When I'm in "crisis", under alot of stess, or sometimes just because the wind blows the wrong way - I will retreat. It's how I protect my mind - I just simply can't take anymore in. I don't remember what you tell me, I appear to be zoned out, I am truly not there. So I can see how easy it would be for others to just drop off - in fact somedays it's very tempting.

I often isolate myself at home, watch TV alone, ignore what is going on around me - even with a house full of people. In my case no one wonders why - because I've "always" been that way. I seek out quiet places - I absolutely require time without having to think or be there for the people I love.

After all that rambling (LOL) - I also struggle when I read posts like yours because if I were on the other side I can see how unfair it is to not be responsive, to not call or contact the person you are close to etc. So I encourage you to have your own interests, your own friends, and to set your own boundaries of what YOU can tolerate.

Part of it could be med changes - but the refusal to continue or participate in therapy concerns me - especially after a recent hospitalization. Sorry - but if I'm being honest that's a huge red flag for me.

 

[becvan]

I do it all the time actually. It is a coping mechanism and very common. I can only take so much stress then I have to shut off. This means I withdraw in every sense of the word until I get my equilibrum back. Some do it for short periods of time and some for longer. I'm also not very social to begin with so mine tend to become longer.

bec

 

[sticks-and-stones]

I have PTSD too and can withdraw for days... never done it for any longer, but I'm not on meds and my other responsibilities keep me going. If I didn't have my uni work or societies, I'm sure I could very easily never leave my room all day for days on end, but I can see the other side of the coin and how it appears to the carer.

I think it is normal... but requires a lot of patience on your part. It must be hard.

 

[Lionheart]

I am a sufferer and yes, shutting down is an often automatic, coping mechanism. We men tend to carry a lot of shame for being ill, for needing help, etc. etc. and this may be why he refuses therapy. I was in such pain that I was praying to die by the time I first got into therapy, but hopefully he will take other measures to care for himself since therapy may not be right for everyone. When I first began my recovery process my significant other abandoned me, so if you feel you are up to the task, let him know that you want to be there for him, then realize he may not be able to allow you to be there just yet. The unfortunate reality is that the healing process takes time. Regardless, don't forget to also take good care of yourself. I wish you both much luck and success.

 

[georgie1668]

Is It Normal To Shutdown For Long Periods of Time?

Hi everyone

Thanks so much for your replies - it always helps to get another perspective. Things have moved on since I last posted. I actually wrote to him after a lot of soul searching to explain how I felt. I have been very supportive of his retreat but at this stage after nearly 10 weeks of silence apart from the one visit and phonecall I really couldn't hide my feelings nor did I want to - I am only human. He responded by text and asked to meet but we havent yet.

In the meantime I got another text from him yesterday to say that he has seen a therapist three times in the last week and just completed a 'Desensitisation' program over the weekend! I am so happy - even if our relationship doesn't work I feel it is so important that he take the plunge - SunnybrookFarm I too agree that his refusal to get therapy was a red flag - but he always said he wasn't worth it.

I think he has been very brave to take the plunge and now it remains to see what happens to us....it has been hard - I know I have feelings for him and now I guess it is up to him in some respects.

I get from your replies that it is normal to isolate but I understand that long periods of isolation do not allow a normal relationship. Maybe this is the start of a new period of wellness for him.

Take care and thanks again. It means a lot to me..