Is It Ok To Dissociate & Use Daydreaming To Help Flashbacks?

[Whirlwind]

Hello,

Therapist and I are trying to calm things down, I am desperately trying to do this without taking meds.

The flashbacks, creepy feelings, new memories...apparently I am "flooding". I am scrambling to push it all back down. The only thing that is working a bit is all consuming distraction, and trying to keep it together in front of my husband. I am so tired. But I can't sleep of course.

So I started "daydreaming" recently in desperation....like I used to so long ago. Maladaptive daydreaming I think its called?? I am not sure where it starts and ends with dissociation. Feels similar.

I'm not sure what I do qualifies as dissociation but my T feels I do this and I unhappily agree. I guess all of my "tricks" that cause time to pass or make me feel "gone" are dissociation. I assume as much for now.

It feels like it is a bad thing to do, I don't like what I read about it and I am wondering how much of this I have done in the past not recognizing it for what it is.

My T says it is a protective measure. And for now it is ok to "use it" to help with the flashbacks, to try and slow the flooding, push some stuff down for now.

He is very good about not letting me "read him" but this time....I got a feeling he may be a little worried about me.

I read so much about NOT dissociating....does anyone use it to help? Or am I doing that badly....? I am trying hard right now to kick my own butt and get a handle on things.

Thank you, Whirlwind

 

[Abstract]

Hi Whirlwind.
I relate to a lot of this.

I think you are really hard on yourself. I know I am too. I don't know if you have heard of the phrase, "progress not perfection" but I find it a helpful reminder.

Yes, maybe the long term plan is to not need to dissociate but safe D at this point doesn't seem like a bad thing.

Long term it maybe steals away our connection with life and ourselves and others but short term you need to escape the feelings a bit so your T is Ok with that.

Spacing out playing computer games or such things does fall into dissociation but the type of D that most people do all the time. Like driving and not remembering how one got from a to b.

"Normal" D becomes problematic when it starts interfering with ones life apparently.

All D is there to try to help originally and it can and it is just when it becomes a long term habit and out of control that it is a problem.
Sorry things are so bad.

 

[treble.maker]

I think I have to agree with Abstract.

I think that, right now, anything you do to get yourself through the day without completely falling apart or engaging in some sort of self-destructive behavior is ok, and probably preferred. I would trust your T, even though it can be hard with trust issues and all. He is trained in things like this, and if something was really not good for you right now, he would tell you.

You're doing perfectly well with what you have. Best of wishes to you. (hugs)

 

[maddog]

I agree with the others. You can't fix everything all at once, and dissociation, while problematic in its extreme and in certain contexts, is actually a very adaptive survival mechanism during and immediately following trauma, and so is something that our brains learn to do to protect us when they feel they are in danger. In the past, that danger may have been real and imminent, whereas now the "danger" may be from the flooding and the inability of your brain to cope with all of the stress and confrontation at once.

In time and with careful well-paced therapy, some of the intensity of the dissociation may resolve itself, while it will also become appropriate and doable to begin to address it specifically. In the meantime, you are aware of it, aware of what it means, communicating it openly to your T, and those things are the best you can do. Oh, and being kind to yourself of course, and trying to acknowledge, as much as you can, what the dissociation is telling you, and seeking as much safety and support as you can to help you cope through this time.

It's a tough road, but you're travelling in the right direction.

Maddog

 

[Maggiemay]

*hugs*

Newbie here, nice not to feel alone with this ;)

I've been experiencing a lot of flashbacks recently, and find dissociation incredibly helpful. I usually still have the flashbacks, but will dissociate afterwards until body ready to face reality again. In these moments am literally emotionally & physically numb so a welcomed relief after the overwhelming panic during flashbacks, and pain as a result of sensory flashbacks. I can dissociate to the extreme too by literally be mid doing something & black out, falling to the floor, sometimes resulting in non-eplileptic seizures but not always. Hard to re-orientate afterwards, but working hard on using grounding techniques e.g. telling self day/date/where u are/how old u are/ naming things in the room using diff senses. Good at bringing me back into reality. I dissociate a lot when with therapist - she's aware of this and pretty good at gently bringing me back into the room, she picks up when I'm not really present, or picks up on the cues after when incredibly confused about where I am/ was talking about. We've talked a lot about it being a defence mechanism, and it makes sense - when in abusive situations,u have to keep urself safe; leaving your body & not really being there is one way particualrly young chn cope, which u then carry forward with u into adult life as a strategy that has worked.

xxx

 

[Whirlwind]

Hello, thanks for the feedback.

I am struggling but this site is helping, I am just trying to get my head wrapped around everything. I never believed in the rabbit hole so to speak and now I'm tripped and fell right into it.

I think that, right now, anything you do to get yourself through the day without completely falling apart or engaging in some sort of self-destructive behavior is ok, and probably preferred.

Yes, you nailed it. My plunge into the rabbit hole has come too soon, I have and stop my therapy (temporarily) while gone so we were trying to tie things up for a bit.. and this is when the ground fell out from under me.

((cringe)) I am also feeling old compulsions rearing and I have to get a handle on that pronto.

"progress not perfection"

I haven't heard that, thank you.

You can't fix everything all at once, and dissociation, while problematic in its extreme and in certain contexts, is actually a very adaptive survival mechanism during and immediately following trauma, and so is something that our brains learn to do to protect us when they feel they are in danger. In the past, that danger may have been real and imminent, whereas now the "danger" may be from the flooding and the inability of your brain to cope with all of the stress and confrontation at once.

Well put. All of this helps, I kind of like the dissociation and I was concerned about that..it seems like everything that feels good to me lately has a sinister underbelly to it.

I've been experiencing a lot of flashbacks recently, and find dissociation incredibly helpful.

I sincerely appreciate the feedback, it supports the T's advice and that helps immensely. I can "flip my switch" at times and I realize...how familiar it is after all. That scares me a little but reading this makes me feel better.

Whew.
One day at a time. My T leave is closing in and the timing is just so bad its almost laughable. It would have been nice if my brain could have waited until I got back before unleashing the Krakens.:O_o: :)