Is It Possible To Release The Anger, Without Forgiving Them?

[PureDogs]

@therisa

Thank you for the thread you made and I would like to share this. I felt that it is not possible due to my experience.

I believe that forgiveness does release the anger, feeling peace of mind, and ability to make peace with myself. Does that works? Yes, most of time but there are times that the anger come back even when I forgave.

For example, I forgave a person who abused me; flashback does happen and do I feel anger? Yes because I felt why it has to be me? The anger is not the same as before I forgive this person. Before I forgive, I was very angry and did not want to make peace on this part. After I made peace with myself and forgive this abuser - I felt better and less anger but still have flashbacks sometimes.

I believe that forgiving yourself and others can release the relief to feel better but the flashbacks does happen that we can't control but know what to do does make difference.

I hope this helps and makes sense.

 

[Zef]

The way I see forgiveness might be different. I don't see it as a matter of kindness or goodness. People aren't good or bad because they forgive. Forgiveness is all about yourself. Screw the abusers. Forgiveness is all about helping yourself. Forgiveness is getting rid of the bitterness and hate and anger that is killing us inside. Our abusers never have to know. But if we can find a way to extract the nastiness the abusers left in us, it is so damn freeing and healthy. . .and it is a huge slap in the face to the abusers

 

[Stickler]

I've released a lot of the anger. Not all of it. I had to be really angry for many years, and I still feel some anger. Dunno, I'm pretty happy being angry. :p

 

[Zef]

I was just reading this and I thought of this thread. Thought I would paste this paragraph written by a trauma therapist named Pete Walker

As published in: “Recovering: The Adventure of Life Beyond Addiction”Issue 35; November 1991

There has been a lot of shaming, dangerous and inaccurate "guidance" put out about forgiveness in the last few years, in both the recovery community and in transpersonal circles. Many survivors of dysfunctional families have been injured by the simplistic, black and white advice that decrees that they must embrace a position of being totally and permanently forgiving in order to recover. Unfortunately, those who have taken the advice to forgive abuses that they have not fully grieved, abuses that are still occurring, and/or abuses so heinous they should and could never be forgiven, often find themselves getting nowhere in their recovery process. In fact, the possibility of attaining real feelings of forgiveness is usually lost when there is a premature, cognitive decision to forgive. This is because premature forgiving intentions mimic the defenses of denial and repression. They keep unprocessed feelings of anger and hurt about childhood unfairnesses out of awareness.