Is the Inner Child Image Memory of A Trauma?

[Pixie]

Good query Waga! I was also not allowed to show anger for different reasons, and so I do have an insider who holds all of it. Her name is Rage but most often, she writes really nasty things about me, turning her anger on me. I don't think there are any others that hold emotion, so to speak.

The little insiders, the girls, are different. I don't really know them well enough to say what they stand for and as my memory is so fragmented, I really can't relate them to any of my childhood apart from experiences of abuse that I went through (some of which I am only just learning about...).

Pixie

 

[onebravegirl]

I think your T is right. You may be eager to know what your little one means but you may not be ready. I believe that our minds are very kind to us in a way. It only gives us what it thinks we are strong enough to face. Some might disagree but even with the most painful memories if you figure them out the pain lessons. It is my theory that PTSD shows up when it thinks we are ready, even if consciously we disagree. All the chaos and terror of when it first hits is very overwhelming at times, but Time itself helps. If a time comes when those inner children feel you are well enough to hear them, then they will come out. I would suggest that rather than feeling the fear of her image, just let her know that you see her. You have to be the adult. Be patient with her. Love never fails.
O

 

[NarcSis]

Interesting thread, thanks to both of you, Waga & Pixie.

I have never given my 'inner child' a seperate identity from myself, afterall 'she' is me, just a different facet of my personality. I read somewhere that often in times of trauma a child's personality will 'freeze' at a certain state, and the adult personality will utilize the coping skills of that 'child' to handle stress. Thumb sucking, hair twisting, downward hurt gazing, skulking, curling up - those types of things.

Have you ever seen a little kid jumping up and down, laughing, with tears streaming down their face, trying not to cry? Sometimes thats me at home. Crying makes me uncomfortable, it makes me feel vulnerable and 'little', so I get 'little' to stop the crying - I try to get happy and force the feeling away (minus the jumping up/down). In my mind, its only okay to cry if you ARE little; what's the saying? Big Girls Don't Cry...I never allow myself to, its "unacceptable behaviour for an adult"...I rarely cry at funerals for crying out loud!

I think childhood trauma creates coping mechanisms that help carry a person into adulthood - these help them to 'survive'. These are good only to a point though and scared little children need help to feel safe again. We're adults now and after all of our years of learning, we now know how to help these 'children' feel safe again.

As for repressed memories, IMHO they are buried to protect you, they will come out when it is time for them to come out, when you are better able to face them - don't go looking for a snake hiding under a rock, it may bite you if you're not careful.

 

[NarcSis]

The Child Within,

Interesting thread, thanks to both of you, Waga & Pixie.

I have never given my 'inner child' a seperate identity from myself, afterall 'she' is me, just a different facet of my personality. I read somewhere that often in times of trauma a child's personality will 'freeze' at a certain state, and the adult personality will utilize the coping skills of that 'child' to handle stress. Thumb sucking, hair twisting, downward hurt gazing, skulking, curling up - those types of things.

Have you ever seen a little kid jumping up and down, laughing, with tears streaming down their face, trying not to cry? Sometimes thats me at home. Crying makes me uncomfortable, it makes me feel vulnerable and 'little', so I get 'little' to stop the crying - I try to get happy and force the feeling away (minus the jumping up/down). In my mind, its only okay to cry if you ARE little; what's the saying? Big Girls Don't Cry...I never allow myself to, its "unacceptable behaviour for an adult"...I rarely cry at funerals for crying out loud!

I think childhood trauma creates coping mechanisms that help carry a person into adulthood - these help them to 'survive'. These are good only to a point though and scared little children need help to feel safe again. We're adults now and after all of our years of learning, we now know how to help these 'children' feel safe again.

As for repressed memories, IMHO they are buried to protect you, they will come out when it is time for them to come out, when you are better able to face them - don't go looking for a snake hiding under a rock, it may bite you if you're not careful.

 

[NarcSis]

Sorry, something screwey happened there!!

 

[Harney]

Has anyone read The Mosaic Mind by Richard Schwartz? He does Internal Family Systems therapy and the idea is that some of these images are "parts" of our psyche that split off when we experienced trauma. They might not be actual memories of events, but they nevertheless might hold the emotional experience of the trauma. I've found IFS to be a huge help with PTSD -- we work with all these different parts. It's the only therapy that's helped me let go of the dissociation and deal with flashbacks.

 

[bonnecanyon]

I agree with Harney that our soul/psyche does fragment or split off when there is trauma. It's one of the ways that our mind copes with the emotional experience of trauma. These images or "inner child" that we see are those fragments or pieces that separated from us. It is possible to bring these pieces back and become whole again. Although we may never feel the same after our trauma as we did before, there is a healing that takes place when these different "inner child" pieces are able to come back together or are released by us.

I think one of the most important things we can do is talk to this inner child that shows up and listen to what she/he has to say. It is a key to what lies at a deeper level within us. This inner child needs to know that it is safe now and there is nothing to fear.

During a therapy session about 8 years ago I saw my inner child as a baby inside a cage in a basement laying in the fetal position. I opened the cage and let her out.

 

[Cryptantha]

I just have to say I'm very glad you posted this! I have a "child" though she looks like an adult. She's drowning in dark water (black) most of the time. Mine has long, black hair (though mine isn't) and is in white as well, hair and clothes weighed down with water. Sometimes she's floating face-up and safe (sort of) and sometimes drowning, hair streaming out either way, in or on the water. She's all the repressed anger I think, because her eyes are red and she's more apt to become insanely angry, no limits or care for what that anger can do, just has to get it out.