Its was not your fault

[Brumbyinthesunshine]

Somebody needed to heat this today-the trauma is not your fault.
There is no speedy " moving on".
The is no " getting over it".
There is however hard work and lots of rest and processing and unpacking step by step.

 

[Brumbyinthesunshine]

Typo- HEAR this ( not heat)

 

[Friday]

Oh, at least a third, and up to two thirds, is completely my fault.

But? That’s reality.

Blaming yourself for shit others did? Is not reality.

Being able to correctly identify/define the difference between the two? Invaluable, to the point of necessity.

 

[OceanSpray]

I’m sure you mean well with this. But I’ve always found buzz phrases like this to be disingenuous and kind of dismissive in a toxically positive way. I truly don’t think you mean it that way. But unfortunately, those kind of phrases never even begin to touch on the very real, deep narratives inside our brains.

 

[Brumbyinthesunshine]

I’m sure you mean well with this. But I’ve always found buzz phrases like this to be disingenuous and kind of dismissive in a toxically positive way. I truly don’t think you mean it that way. But unfortunately, those kind of phrases never even begin to touch on the very real, deep narratives inside our brains.

So true ! Deep narratives .
Brilliant feedback- not into buzz phrases. Cliches and platitudes also NOT my vibe.
As you kindly observed-meant well only.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think @Friday is spot on, if I could I would like it a 1000x . A Veteran's manual I used said Apportion of Blame- that was critical for me I believe. (Though I know you meant well @Brumbyinthesunshine).

Just to say, I know many of us, well myself anyway, carry a lot of blame and guilt, some is warranted, some is distorted, and self-hatred. Even affirmations make my skin crawl. But logic- explanation- someone pointing out realities I never considered- they have made dents for which I am very grateful. Including ones in the moment- in the moment to be told it's not your fault is the Biggest Gift. All those dents are lasting and huge. (In a good way).