Job Dilemma Insight Welcomed

[Adrian2016]

Hello all. So I was diagnosed PTSD a month ago. It came as quite a shock even though I knew something was seriously wrong with me. It's been a difficult month with many anxiety attacks, violent and suicidal ideations, sleepless nights, paranoia, and scary insights into areas of my life that I never took time to think about. My PTSD has been with me probably since my childhood. But it was triggered by an incident at work and came back full swing and with a vengeance...I quit that job over feeling unsafe, and knowing that if confronted I would respond with extreme violence...I do not take threats to my safety, even just words lightly at all....
Now after being unemployed fora month and a half I have been presented with a job offer at another factory. My T thinks that I can handle it. I disagree. I think I am still learning to deal with everything and am not healthy enough to make a commitment. The fact that a family member is putting his job on the line to get me in also causes anxiety over what will happen if I can't cope.... The job offer is for work that I have no interest or passion for..... I wanted to find something in a few more weeks after getting on meds, some job that would inspire hope and passion within me..... Not another dead end miserable environment that its likely will drag my spirits down and aggravate my already fragile mental state.
What should I do? Take my Therapist advice or my own path? So confused. I feel guilt at even denying a job offer as my situation will not be improved until I can save money to leave my current city where I have many enemies and many triggers. Please any insight would be so greatly appreciated.

 

[Virtues]

You talk about not wanting another dead end job rather one that inspires passion, then you talk about leaving, not sure what your end goal is? If you are just trying to save money to leave then why wouldn't you take the job and milk it for what it's worth? If you're looking to start a career then I would say to hold out for something that will fulfill you.

 

[Adrian2016]

Im trying to save money to move to another state, too many old ghosts around here.. I think I touched on why I'm reluctant...namely that I do not feel stable and fear that a poor work environment when I am not healthy will simply reverse all progress I have made and leave me in a worse place than I am in now...

 

[Virtues]

When I was 18 my gf was raped then stabbed to death in front of me... I came from a small town of about 3,000 people where everyone knew everyone and everyone made everyone's business their own. I know all too well what it means to run from ghosts; I too moved out of state to get a fresh start over. It sounds to me like you've made up your mind already. I would go with that. Your gut is telling you to do something (or not to do) and maybe you should listen. Granted there will come a time when you have to push past your comfort zone or remain stuck, but maybe it just isn't time yet.

Strangely enough it wasn't until I joined the Marine Corps that I really started to heal and it was the Marine Corps that also caused my PTSD (what a double edged sword) My point being is that I was inspired to become a Marine and that is what lifted me out of my funk, maybe you just need to be motivated.

If none of what I'm saying helps please disregard, I'm kind of in a weird spot right now...

 

[Powder]

Do whatever will strengthen you today for a better tomorrow. You can't borrow from today to make a better tomorrow. If that makes sense. You'll run out of strength and, yes, be worse off.

Is there an alternative option on the table that sounds like it will be more uplifting in the short and long term?

If not, take the job, but be on the lookout for a way out.

I toiled for a decade in a traumatic triggers place to earn enough and research enough to find a way out. I took it, even though it hasn't paid off yet.

You WILL feel better if you get away from triggers. But you have to be able to do it and not collapse immediately into desperation.

 

[gypsysoul]

I think you need to figure out what will drag down your spirits more, a job that you aren't passionate about or not having a source of income. Sometimes, you really don't know what your passions are until you've seen what they are not. Everything has the potential to be someone's passion, but maybe you don't know it yet. Having a job can bring a good routine to your life, even if it's not necessarily what you want to do at the moment. If you decide to take the job, work hard, do your best and remember it doesn't have to be a permanent position. Leave on a good standing, so they can give you a positive recommendation! Most importantly, be positive and focus on the good things that can come out of having a job. I had the same worries before starting my job and although I'm not overly passionate about my current position, my life does have some meaning now. It's way better than being alone, depressed, cuddled on the couch watching Hulu all day.

 

[Adrian2016]

When I was 18 my gf was raped then stabbed to death in front of me... I came from a small town of a...

Any replies I receive are helpful...and I realize that you don't have to give a darn about my problems, so your interest and desire to help says a lot. :) I think you are right, I just need to follow my gut. And hang in there, it's been a few days since I've been on the forum, I hope you're out of that spot friend :)

 

[Adrian2016]

Do whatever will strengthen you today for a better tomorrow. You can't borrow from today to make a better t...

Good advice, as always, thank you @Muse

 

[GrayOwl]

Hello Adrian,
I have just had a long long day at work. And I am exhausted. I have two jobs right now. At least one of them I enjoy.
I wish I had an answer for you. Balancing the need for some $$$ with the pain of an unpleasant work environment is never a pleasant thing. Deep in your heart there are some answers and direction. And you probably don't have to decide right this moment. I think sometimes they rise to the surface slowly.
If you know what positive things are available in your life to combat stressors - maybe load up on a few of them and try the job for a week or two. You can always just say respectfully its just not really working out for me at this time and thank you for the opportunity. And you will have made a little cash and hopefully get out before the stress or any triggers kick in.
A walk in the park, feeding birds, chopping firewood, crushing cans.... - I've had jobs throwing cardboard in a crusher, demolishing old garages, and breaking out sidewalks - after a few hours of releasing aggression sometimes I felt pretty good ! My wife says we were never happier together than after I spent a day tearing a building down with my bare hands - but that was a job - I didn't just go tear down people's buildings - lol.
But if you have some positives, or a goal, sometimes that can balance the discomfort of a crappy job for a little while, maybe it could work.
The main thing is - be good to yourself today. Go get some ice cream.
I hope things work out well for you and let us know what's happening if you can.

 

[Powder]

Ideally, you want as much FLOW as you can get from a job with the least negative STRESS.

Flow requires positive stress, a challenge is always before you, but you CAN and DO meet the challenge successfully. You are learning something new to adapt to the challenges, but they come at regular intervals that you CAN succeed at and enjoy positive feelings most of the time.

You do not feel over-burdened by Negative Stress.

Have you taken the MBTI, Myers Briggs Type Indicator? I am a fan, not because type is essential, but because it's accurate at predicting the type of negative stress most likely to burn a person REAL QUICK.

I'm an Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging (INTJ) type. The opposites would be Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, Experiencer Type.

The 8 options lead to 16 MBTI types.

You can take a free test at TypeFocus. Dead Link Removed

Then google search your type.

INTJ's cannot handle "Drama" at work.

My least favorite job that I could never do included a bunch of women who gossiped and fought literally all around me in stereo.

I can handle all kinds of stress, but that is not one I have ever been able to handle. It was also Triggering to some of my homelife trauma (constant fighting).

So double-whammy. I am not okay with that as an INTJ nor as a PTSD survivor of domestic violence.

As you keep going on your journey of self-discovery in life, you'll find all kinds of ways of accepting more and more who you are, what your talents and strengths are, and the cooresponding challenges that do NOT make you a weak person, but that you are NOT prepared to handle well, ever, under and circumstances, and that is okay.

As an I, it's hard to be around people, but I can adapt. There are 8 I types. The jobs listed for I's all include working with people, so that's not the way to interpret MBTI.

But if you google your type and work, you'll find out quickly that it should confirm what you have experienced. Instead of blaming yourself for not coping well something, it will show you what you should accept as part of your type. :tup:

 

[Virtues]

I'm an Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging (INTJ) type
...

Same here, cheers

 

[Powder]

Adrian, have you found any good options or people in your life who are encouraging you in any particular decisions?

Are you going to community college or contemplating it?

I'm sorry, I don't have a grasp on your age/education so far.

If you are considering college, I highly recommend you join Trio Programs, like SSS. Student Support Services grants are Trio grants. I worked in these grants and wrote them for a decade, and I have seen people blossom in these programs.

Case in point. One of my seniors in high school got shot in the back while sleeping in her bed. Her brother was in a gang. This was the rival gang's way of sending him a message; shooting his little sister at home in her bed. (I hate the gang violence in my state of origin. Hate it.)

Long story short. She decided to come to our summer optional program, even though she was still walking with a cane.

Now, she's working on her Master's and plans to get her Ph.D. Trio programs that she has stayed plugged into has helped her get out of the toxic environment and make a "new family" that supports her.

I wish the same for your dreams, your life, and your future.

If you're going into work, then also, I'd ask everyone you run into what is the most supportive, creative, and positive workplace you can get plugged into that will help you grow.

Cheers, Muse