Just Want To Know What It's Like To Feel Normal

[EgyptianQueen29]

Ever since I was nine years old I've been dealing with issues. I was molested when I was nine and it was the worst pain I had ever felt. I am 28 yrs old now and to this day that morning still haunts me. I thought that during my senior year in high school I was finally able to break out of my shell and start to enjoy my life but that feeling was short lived. I joined the Navy in 2002 and just 7 months of being in I was gang raped by three men that I knew and once called my friends and classmates. I had been drinking and so I was confused and lost becaused I could only remember so much. I sat thinking about all my options and decided that it would be in my best interest not to report it. So I didn't and now I have no closure. I have nightmares and depressions and feel so alone. My marriage is over and just the thought of starting a new relationship scares the shit out of me because I don't know who I can trust.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi EQ!

Welcome to the forum.

Do you see a therapist to help you deal with these awful memories? I am sure it would help you. It sounds as if you really need to sort yourself - sleep, nightmares, depression, loneliness before you rush into any new relationship. Small steps to recovery and then it won't all seem so scary.

Best wishes,
Lucy x

 

[cherryblossom]

Hello EQ

Welcome to the forum :wave:

It's never too late to report any form of assault /sexual assault/ rape. I'm not saying you should report it (I never reported being raped), just saying that if you think it might help you gain closure, it's never too late.

I totally agree with BL above. I hope you have, or can seek out a therapist to help you through all the stuff that happened. You've been through a lot, and there is no shame asking for and receiving help. You deserve to thrive, and in all honesty that's hard to do on without a little help ;)

You sound like a real fighter. You're not alone - you have us now :D

Regards
CB

 

[EgyptianQueen29]

Thank you!!!! I have tried to seek therapy but it was too much for me to try and deal with my PTSD and my failing marriage and be strong for my then 4 yr old son. So I quit therapy but realize that I need to go back. I'm just so tired of all this; I try to remember what life was like before the abuse but it's like that's all there is.

 

[Rumors]

EQ,
First, I want to thank you for your service to our country. I don't think those who serve are thanked often enough.

Second, I want to say how sorry I am that you had to suffer such pain and grief. I cannot imagine how you must feel being in a scenario where you had to continue working and living with the scum who perpetrated you. That must have been difficult and emotional. I certainly am not one to give advice here, but it sounds like you would benefit talking to someone who can give you some solid advice, even if you go to help yourself and your son during the divorce and then work into the other issues as you see fit. I can only think your son would benefit from having his mom safe, happy, and healthy and in return you would also benefit.

Sending lots of strength your way!