What It's Like To Be In Your 20's-- My Inability To Relate

[out like a lamb]

Hi,

I think this is actually the first post I've ever made on this site. I'm not sure if I'm posting this under the right forum, but I hope so...

I'm 24 years old and a survivor of multiple traumas. I'm really at a loss for words for how to explain this-- but trauma is at the heart of my life, my norm. It's hard for me to relate to most people who haven't been through serious struggles. (it's no wonder i work in the field of human rights & genocide!) I don't have a lot of friends.

I shouldn't be on facebook, because it depresses the hell out of me. (everyone is just putting on a façade anyway, so it's not even worth the anguish!) Anyway, the following article was posted by a number of my friends on FB with comments suggesting how much they related to it: What It's Like To Be A 20-Something As Told By "Mean Girls," "Bridesmaids," And "Girls" (google the article title for the URL. it comes right up. since I'm a newbie I can't post the link :[ sorry.) I guess it upset me enough to post here for the first time. It just reinforces how isolated, how estranged I feel. I wish those were my worries, my struggles, my feelings, my thoughts... Just wanted to see if anyone can relate.

Ok, time for me to get off facebook and do something that lifts me up instead of throwing night-long pity party :)

 

[PerfectlyFlawed]

Hey there! This post was actually the way I am feeling right now. No one can relate to me and my traumas.

People notice i am overly anxious all the time. I either want to be sexual or I don't want anything to do with you.

No one really understands me. They ask why i don't hava a boyfriend....Cause im scared of men.

When i do tell them what happened...They ignore and shut down

 

[maddog]

Hi there, and a big welcome to forum posting to you!

As it happens, I've just tipped out of the category of being in my twenties, but in truth,it doesn't matter if you're 18 or 88, the struggle in relating to so-called "normal" people and their so-called "normal, trivial" worries and concerns, is something that I think is sadly familiar to many of us... regardless of whether or not we admit it. I make that point because I know that I personally experience a lot of conflicted shame and guilt at feeling what is sometimes outright resentment and bitterness towards people whose concerns and worries seem so mainstream and... er... nontraumatic!

On that score, I think it's ok to acknowledge those feelings, and the sense of isolation and unbelonging that they can create. It's true - those who haven't experienced trauma and its effects really can't understand what it's like, and those who have had the privillege of relatively safe, stable and "ordinary" lives (bearing in mind that we can never truly know another's full reality) probably aren't going to have any idea how it feels to struggle with the basics of life and living, and so aren't necessarily going to be very empathic, or may be just plain unaware.

I should also state my anti-Facebook bias straight up. I dislike it intensely and am proudly one of the seemingly few human animals on the planet who is not part of the Facebook world, largely for the reasons you outline. I perceive there to be a lot of danger and invalidation out there and not enough positives to outweigh the negatives, so I steer clear. It sounds as though you have recognized that perhaps avoiding or limiting your FB access, at least for now, might be helpful for you too. The good thing about this forum is that it allows for the establishment of an online community of support, without a lot of the unregulated rigmarole that is often found on FB. I hope you'll find us a helpful and supportive alternative for a while.

Again, welcome.

Maddog

 

[CrazyHorse]

This particular issue is something I am struggeling alot with too!

I am very aware of those feelings and thoughts, but still they make me feel like a less caring and tolerant human. It is an evil circle, as it makes me feel more and more alienated from other people.

I also feel that trauma is the norm in my life. I am currently loosing my beloved father to leukemia and other complications. He is suffering the most horrific death. I will not go into detail, but even the nurses are finding his suffering traumatic and abnormal. Loosing someone you love is hard enough, but in my case, it is under circumstances that are indeed very traumatic and very ruthless. As the doctors have said: We have read a whole bunch of this in the medical books, but we have never seen it happen! Lots of people have lost a loved one, but the way I am loosing my father, is not relateable to most peoples experiences.

 

[99Phoenix99]

I relate to your post quite a bit. I'm a few months shy of 23 and I've been close to death multiple times in my life since I turned 15 due to medical reasons. I've been surrounded mostly by hospital staff since then, very rarely did I ever have the chance to interact with people my own age and when I did it was very minimal and there was always so many underlaying problems with my health I never really noticed their "problems".

It's only now that I'm in therapy and my health is no longer at a critical risk stage that I'm noticing the distinctive differences of my problems versus theirs. It's funny you mention an article, I forget which article I read but the general feeling of isolation occurred to me as well. I've been slowly socializing more but... spending more time with people has made me realize how ... different we are.

Especially when I watch highschool movies and college movies. I'll be watching them with friends and make a remark how ridiculous and unrealistic it is for someone to be worked up and or upset about a certain concern and someone will look at me and eyeball me like I'm the crazy one.

I don't know. I guess I grew up too fast and I'm just realizing the implications now. The only specific example I could give you would be the common "Oh man I was SO crazy when I was in highschool. All the parties, drinks, and stuff! I've really calmed down since then. How about you? What did you do in highschool?" To which I'll reply "Yea... I was hospitalized most of the time because for a good solid 4 years no one knew if I'd be dead or alive from day to day."

Hahaha talk about being a Debbie Downer right? If I dare to tell the truth conversation ends pretty darn quick.

So I can relate in some respects. I really feel for you, it's hard to deal with.

 

[InHell11]

I kind of know what you mean, I am 23 by age and all...but it seems most people my age have a job, their own apartment and a social life and nothings stopping them from living life, doing stupid things and laughing it off rather than feeling like they screwed up big time yet again(how I feel whenever I end up doing something stupid). Instead of being ready to go out and enjoy myself I have to watch my stress level and make sure I don't get too overwhelmed and have a panic attack or maybe even end up in rage mode.

I think most people in my age group would assume I should be as functional as them and wonder why I wont just get a job and put myself out there...might attribute it to laziness. The whole 'if I can do it, anyone can' syndrome which seems common among the younger population.