Knowing If You Are On The Right Path

[Kim500]

I myself am musically inclined and compose. It's funny because only after my trauma is when the music stopped "playing in my head." Only a few months ago did I get that back. It was a bit of a struggle at first. Once I broke through, it was amazing. Yours will come back to you.

That's amazing! I feel you were given a great gift to survive your trauma! How wonderful that you got the music back again!!

 

[timid_flower]

As for the very nature of something being trumatic, your experience affected you the way it did. It's your journey.

Great point Sailorgal, one I think is very important to remember. If not, we may have a hard time accepting our feelings. We feel weak if it seems that we more affected than someone that's endured worse. We may feel we're exaggerating and should just be over it by now.

That was definitely a struggle for me. I kept thinking that other people had gone through far worse. I was minimizing my own trauma. Problem was I was also minimizing the effect it had on me. How could I get better if I wouldn't even admit to myself how affected I was? I wasn't validating my own feelings and my own journey. I almost felt like I had no right to be this affected if my experience wasn't as bad as other people's. I've had to work a lot on that acceptance through therapy. I'm still working on it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Thinkingman, I apologize because I haven't read all the posts, but what you were saying, and Sailorgal did as regards V. Frankl. Well, I figure while suffering goes on now, in the present, I have a responsibilty to try to alleviate it (or I should try to), because I know how some of it feels and is. Much of my suffering is past, but what for those in it right now.

Even if only as regards the tiniest corner of the world, or within my own house or family.

I read something nice today, it was (partly) paraphrasing Thomas Merton, that we all have ineterior pain we must deal with, and issues to reconcile, for community peace to be possible. That we see glimpses of ourselves in those around us, just as we see them. But (and) that Christmas is when the fragile meet the compassionate. I think that is so beautiful.

Maybe that is what receive, or have received now (if we are very lucky), or that we needed, and that what we know from our experiences we must give.

Best wishes, :hug:.

 

[Kim500]

kept thinking that other people had gone through far worse. I was minimizing my own trauma. Problem was I was also minimizing the affect it had on me. How could I get better if I wouldn't even admit to myself how affected I was?

Very well said and very important timid_flower(you too Sailorgirl)!! Our trauma truly can't be compared to another's. It is, as Sailorgirl said: "It's your journey." Just like no two snowflakes are alike, our trauma can't be compared to another's because they are not us, nor are we them.

Christmas is when the fragile meet the compassionate. I think that is so beautiful.

That is so beautiful Junebug! I never heard that before! It almost makes me tear up, like God's arms(the compassionate) are waiting for me(the fragile) to find my comfort within them. And of course that quote applies to people helping one another! Thank you for sharing that! Happy holidays to you and all!!! :)

 

[Sailorgal]

Thanks for understanding my point the way I intended it everyone! Phew! :)

Timid - wonderful that you accept that of yourself. We all go through that at one point or another. I try to see more intense stories as an inspiration. If THEY can do it, so can I without belittling my pajn.

That's amazing! I feel you were given a great gift to survive your trauma! How wonderful that you got the music back again!!

Thanks Kim! Music was/is my life. It's like another sense to me.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, Thank God for the strong people, too.

:hug: for all.

 

[Sailorgal]

BTW, as for Christmas being where the fragile meet the compassionate, I believe I found people here who are both. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes! Isn't that a beautiful saying for us with ptsd, too. :)

:hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't think I could really 'get it', as per God being compassionate, if it weren't for people. Because I can know the facts, but I often thought I wish God had 'arms'. But I guess we can be 'arms' for one another.

And the great part is, we don't even have to believe in God, nor does anyone else. I don't think God would mind. As long as we can help each other. :hug:

 

[Thinkingman85]

Sailorgal, I understand where you are coming from in regards to someone's passing from genocide is different than passing for health reasons. However, one aspect that is hard to accept and process is witnessing the actual physical scene. I saw my mother in a coma state for a week. Then, two years later, I saw my father after he had a massive heart attack. Actually seeing how horrible both scenes were is something that keeps me depressed. As for people witnessing genocide, seeing the aftermath will take a toll. I think I share that aspect with those people to a degree. I think both situations can make a person aware that life can be cruel... whether it's from the hands of other people or natural processes. I think losing a job would be easier to deal with because it happens a lot more in life and it can be expected. This is tough, but it's good talking about it.

 

[Sailorgal]

Hey TM,

I'm going to interject and say bad is bad. You are trying to explain what is worse but that is the problem. Losing a job has many ramifications but you're saying it's easier to get over. Really? (Tell that to someone who can no longer put food on the table or their healthcare or pay for medication). How so? People die all the time. All of us will - it's a fact.

What you witnessed was horrible to you. You need to find your own way to get through it. My best friend found her father faced down in the yard one day. Dead from a heart attack. She was the baby of the family and very, very close to him. She was living with mom and dad (she co-owns the house with them). She works with terminally ill people.
She learned to move on while paying off a huge debt due to an ex bf. it was $25k.

Sooo...please do not rationalize one person's suffering over another. For you, you can't go on based in what's happened to YOU. That's all that matters. When we try to rationalize, it's because we are choosing to justify our pain and suffering.

I'm sharing this to say that as good as it is to explore and discuss why we feel/act the way we do, examine your rationale carefully. :)

 

[Thinkingman85]

I'm examining my rationale and I notice that I am holding on to the pain. I know that there is something wrong with me. I'm glad that your best friend perservered through the difficult situation. After both of my parents passed, I changed my grades to a 4.0, lost 30 pounds, and completed three years of college... Then all of a sudden, I crashed and burned. I don't know why it happened. It all happened so fast. I realize that I am a defensive person. I think it's just because of how I was treated by certain people i the past. When I learn to trust myself and others again, I will probably be comfortable enough to get back on the ball and do what I was doing. I'm not trying to rationalize, I'm just trying to figure out what happened to me. Because of this, I continue staying in touch with past demons and doubts.