The 1% thread - What can I / you do, to make our situation 1% better right now?

[Ecdysis]

I'm so, so triggered and numb and catastrophizing...

I cancelled something urgent today, because I realised that I simply wasn't safe to do it. I guess that's a 1% thing?

I also need to stop catastrophizing. My brain is going to such awful scenarios, worst-worst-case... It's making me totally paralysed and thinking "If the absolute worst happens, then there's no point in me doing anything anyway" which is obviously unhelpful.

I think a useful 1% thing today would be to do a bunch of housework like vaccuuming, because it will distract me, will make my week a bit easier, and will give me some physical movement, to get me out of paralysis.

And I should make myself some lunch. I bought 10 healthy, frozen ready-meals yesterday, because last week was beyond horrible and my coping abilities are stretched way too far. So healthy ready-meals seemed like a sane choice.

 

[Ecdysis]

So, what's triggering me most is really important legal and financial paperwork... I'm catastrophizing about the outcomes... Feeling like if I write one word or one number wrong, then it'll all end in absolute disaster and will be all my fault... It's making every word have an impossible amount of weight and consequence attached to it... Every word feels potentially lethal/ an existential threat...

I wonder if intentionally dissociating from it, by "pretending" it's not real... The way kids play "pretend" games... whether that could take some of the weight and pressure off it? Can I pretend that I'm just some law clerk employed in a legal office and I'm 18 and I've just started in the job so it all seems a bit confusing to me... And I'm just preparing some papers and my supervisor will be checking them later, so I'll do my best but no big deal if it's not quite right...? And that all of the contents of the papers just applies to some random client that I don't know in the slightest, and hence has no impact on my life or my safety?

It feels/ sounds nuts... But if I could get it to work, it might help that 1% ?

Edit to add: Once the trauma got bad, I never ever played any pretend games as a kid... It was clear there was no escape from the trauma and that pretending wouldn't make it go away. Maybe it's a skill that's underdeveloped and that is worth looking at.

 

[Ecdysis]

Another ridiculously difficult day... I'm so sick of it... So done... So far beyond my capacity to cope... It's just survival right now... Ugh...

A few little positives today that I should try to shift my focus too... And probably should feel gratitude that things aren't even worse...

Intuitively did a few 1%s today... Asked for 2 appts this week to be cancelled... It's all just too much right now...

Took some other stuff off my to-do list too...

What else can I do? I can make a realistic, bearable to-do list for tomorrow.

I can be grsteful the icy weather has passed. It's been horribly dangerous here, driving country roads, because no one clears the snow and ice on them and I had to drive them each day to feed the animals and they were just really awful drives, never knowing if I'd get stuck or damage the car sliding off the road or into other cars... Just miserable and counting the minutes until each drive was over... Today was the last day of that so now it's milder weather, thank goodness...

What else...? I ate low carb so far today... I know it's so much better for my entire system, so set the goal of completing the day with another low-carb meal?

Be grateful that I did a *bit* better at pacing myself today... Still did an atrocious over all, but int the context of 1% ... I did do a slightly less atrocious job than recent weeks/ months.

 

[Ecdysis]

Having another awful day... Can't think of any 1%s other than f*cking stop catastrophizing somehow...

 

[Ecdysis]

Another deeply difficult day... wasn't sure if/ how I'd get through it without a breakdown, but I ended up sort of managing.

It's evening now and my work is nowhere near done and I feel exhausted and upset and teary and am wondering how I can make my evening 1% less awful.

Just ate a healthy snack and am having a cup of herbal tea. That's sort of helping a tiny bit... Maybe 0.5% ?

I think I'll finish 3 more tasks and then take the rest of the evening off. I did manage to do a lot today. Oh, and I'll do my physio exercises.

Try and reduce the guilt, the pressure, the negative self-talk, the catastrophising...

 

[Ecdysis]

Need to figure out how to apply this today. Am having an exhausting, miserable week and have been white knuckling to get through it and now have caught a bad cold from arctic cold winds here and am in bed. Feeling miserable and spiralling which is making it so much worse.

 

[Ecdysis]

Okay, cut one appointment short and cancelled all the others for today. Took a bunch of meds, put the new electric blanket on the bed and slept for an hour. Used my accupressure mat. Had two cups of hot milk with honey. Struck 95% of the things off my to-do list off and rescheduled them for other days. Managed to get out of the pressure-guilt-panic-catstrophising spiral. Watched a soothing archeology documentary instead of watching the news.

Feeling a bit less shite now. I wonder what I can do to make the rest of the day easier too?
- drive to the farm a few hours earlier, so that I'm driving in daylight and don't have any night time driving to cope with
- only do the basics today

I've got a difficult phone call to make, which I don't feel up to, but definitely have to make. I wonder how I can make that phone call easier on me? Maybe write down notes so that I have a rough script and don't have to improvise?

 

[ms spock]

Listening to music and videos.

Enjoying being in a part of Australia that is not plagued by extreme weather events. It is just huge change.

Radical Acceptance.

 

[Ecdysis]

Still got the flu.

Going to drive to the farm now to feed/ water the animals, pick up a parcel and stop at two shops.

Don't really feel up to it, but eh.

Wondering if I can somehow give myself the grace of cutting myself some slack, only doing the bare minimum, not going down a guilt spiral, not being hyper self-critical... Sigh

 

[ms spock]

Movement makes a 1% difference to my life.

 

[GrayOwl]

Helping somebody else cope. Even if it is only through listening.
Also by turning off the negative feeds in my life, such as news.
Doing something or saying something nice to a household member.

Sometimes it takes 3 things to budge the needle 1%....

 

[GrayOwl]

Helping myself cope. Redoubling my efforts to tune out the news and refocus on positive avenues in my life.
I'm no good to anyone else if I'm no good to myself.
Sometimes its minute by minute, second by second.
I have to drive from Wisconsin to Wyoming over the next three days. 1100 miles.
It will be an opportunity to see the signs of Spring. Life renewing.
It's a very rural route. I can find parks and places to walk every few hours and find the beautiful things the world has in it.
Luckily I have no radio!!
I'll have to find the Bluebird of Happiness instead of the Vulture of Doom! lol.