Last post for a while - Unexpected Therapy Referral

[Compass307]

I have something to share and I’m hoping for some feedback, advice on how to address this and anything else anyone is willing to offer!

I’ve recently been told by my therapist of many years that I will need to be referred out. This was framed as an insurance thing— but, I know it’s not that. That is just a safe, quick and on paper an ethical excuse. After saying I’d need to be referred out for this insurance non-sense, it was revealed that there is a belief I am more dissociative than had been suspected and the push is for more specialized support. I can’t seek support else where and while I won’t allow this to be a setback if it does crash and burn— but, I won’t be seeking therapy for trauma ever again. It’s impossible for me to trust people and this really proves why— I trust, I feel safe and then it’s too much. It’s so hard. And I understand fears around competency and training etc. But, the rapport/relationship in my opinion is greater than those things and there is always room for anyone to learn/grow in an area they’re unfamiliar with— clients included. This story is so much longer but to shorten things— eventually it was noted to continue seeing this person I would need to complete the MID assessment and pay out of pocket— and even then depending on the results a referral may need to happen. I’m feeling really blindsided, overwhelmed and really I think, sad. This was a stable and reliable relationship which has been instrumental to my past progress. I feel horrible that I’m not doing better, that I’ve felt so triggered lately and that what I’ve known to be possible for so long may have to be labeled in order to keep receiving support from someone I trust. I don’t know what to do. Not in a helpless way.. just in a confused way. I have support but not from others who know my history or the degree of my dissociative experiences. This time of the year is so hard already and now I just feel like I want to curl up in my bed until it’s all over— I won’t, but I really do want to.

 

[Sideways]

It doesn’t feel like it at the time, but the Ts I crossed paths with who referred me on because of my DID had the guts to do the right thing by me. Despite the feeling of betrayal I was routinely left with.

Experienced DID help made a huge difference to me. It was painful getting there, but trusting your therapist isn’t enough. They have to know how to help. Not all of them have the the courage to admit it when they aren’t capable enough.

 

[Compass307]

It doesn’t feel like it at the time, but the Ts I crossed paths with who referred me on because of my DID had the guts to do the right thing by me. Despite the feeling of betrayal I was routinely left with.

Experienced DID help made a huge difference to me. It was painful getting there, but trusting your therapist isn’t enough. They have to know how to help. Not all of them have the the courage to admit it when they aren’t capable enough.

But why can’t we learn together? Starting over is impossible to consider.

I appreciate your perspective.

 

[scout86]

why can’t we learn together?

I used to train horses for a living. I often felt, early in my career, that it was unfair to the horses that they got stuck with me, because a more experienced person would have done a better job. I'm pretty sure that same dynamic exists with therapy and humans. It IS possible for both to learn at the same time, I suppose even with therapy, but there are downsides to that too. Sounds like me like your current T wants what's best for you. That being a therapist with experience in the problems you're dealing with.

Starting over is impossible to consider.

It's difficult to consider, but not impossible. You're already considering it, aren't you? That's what your post here is really about? Trusting people is hard. Deciding who's safe to trust is hard. But, like most hard things, you only get better with practice. (You don't really think your current T is the only trustworthy therapist in the universe, do you?)

Good luck on this next phase of your journey!

 

[Friday]

But why can’t we learn together? Starting over is impossible to consider.

I appreciate your perspective.

Would you feel the same way about a surgeon?

ETHICAL therapists do. not. treat. disorders & conditions they’re unfamiliar with. Times a zillion when the disorders in question have high rates of suicide -or life destroying rapid decompensation- attached.

So it sounds very much as if you’re right about how GOOD your T is. They’re good enough, and care enough, to want you to receive surgery by a surgeon, not by a podiatrist/ dermatologist/ oncologist/ veterinarian/ paramedic/ 3rd grade teacher/ etc.

If you respect them enough to wish to stay with them? Maybe respect their decision to refer you to a specialist?

 

[Compass307]

Would you feel the same way about a surgeon?

ETHICAL therapists do. not. treat. disorders & conditions they’re unfamiliar with. Times a zillion when the disorders in question have high rates of suicide -or life destroying rapid decompensation- attached.

So it sounds very much as if you’re right about how GOOD your T is. They’re good enough, and care enough, to want you to receive surgery by a surgeon, not by a podiatrist/ dermatologist/ oncologist/ veterinarian/ paramedic/ 3rd grade teacher/ etc.

If you respect them enough to wish to stay with them? Maybe respect their decision to refer you to a specialist?

I understand this perspective. But I also know the relationship is what matters most of all. Because without a solid foundation there will be no progress. People can read, train and explore/learn for however long but without lived experience OR a strong connection I would argue it potentially won’t matter if there’s no safety or established trust. This is almost a decade long experience and I can’t imagine how to process the loss AND a potentially life changing dx. It’s terrifying.

 

[Sideways]

Something that I’ve done in the past is allow a period of overlap when changing from one T to another, so that I’m not starting from scratch without support.

I’ve also seen multiple therapists at the same time, so that I had depression-specialist and a trauma/dissociation specialist at the same time.

Honestly, a good trusting relationship, without the knowledge base, can do more harm than good.