Later in life crumble... Does anyone else have experience with being functional for so long until your not?

[Anitza]

So much on this thread resonates. I've had a few crumbles but most recent one hitting me the hardest. I thought I had processed my trauma but here I am at 32 starting all over again. Sometimes feels like it would be easier to revert to when I was blind to it all - at least I felt functional then. But the unexamined life is not worth living apparently. My eyes have opened to unhealthy coping mechanisms and my tendency to fawn. I don't deny that I've made a lot of poor life choices but I don't have the guts to choose a better life myself now that I'm in the know. Loss of a marriage and everything tied up in that feels too great a loss but every time I choose to stay, I'm sacrificing myself. It's a shit place to be. I'm just so exhausted. Just feel like curling into a ball.

I'm with you here. I'm really trying to refrain my mistakes, whatever they may be, as choices made as results stemming from my trauma because that is true! That inner critic can really drown and the biggest thing I'm learning on my healing journey is how even a small once of it is a poison to my system and healing. Trying to climb out of the hole of a lifetime of trauma, depression, and utter sadness isn't easy at all. I do believe we can haven't better lives than we can even conceive by healing ourselves but it's just so hard to practice what you preach!

 

[DogTired]

It sounds like I've been quite lucky as I'm fast approaching 70.
I've been OK (ish) for 38 years till this year when what worked for me doesn't anymore.
Even worse, having looked after myself for so long, finding help seems "difficult".
Perhaps that's just modern life but who knows. Systems set up to help older vets don't seem to like handling long term suffers.
A bold statement? Nope, not really, as through the years, it's been a growing trend in the UK to write senior citizens off (let alone vets) suffering from mental illness.

 

[Anitza]

It sounds like I've been quite lucky as I'm fast approaching 70.
I've been OK (ish) for 38 years till this year when what worked for me doesn't anymore.
Even worse, having looked after myself for so long, finding help seems "difficult".
Perhaps that's just modern life but who knows. Systems set up to help older vets don't seem to like handling long term suffers.
A bold statement? Nope, not really, as through the years, it's been a growing trend in the UK to write senior citizens off (let alone vets) suffering from mental illness.

I'm sorry that you are experiencing a lack of resources. It's very frustrating and I think without access to a lot of money it's really hard to get access to quality treatment modalities. I

 

[DogTired]

So I sent the NHS (UK health service) "provider" who made the promises an email. Nothing came back. Was I surprised? Nope.
As of now I'm receiving help from a charity run organisation. It only took one phone and help arrived via Zoom. It isn't full on clinical help but "conversation and mind adjustment" therapy. Like I care. Whatever works, right?